Stepfather, Mother, stepson x2 and sister

Help......I had a previous marriage and had two beautiful boys....I separated from my ex-husband when they were very little and began a relationship with my current husband when my boys were 2 and 4 years old. 9 years later, and a daughter who is now 8 (we both share) and currently pregnant with our son....There is alway drama in our home if there is something said between the siblings, or if I appear to be treating one sibling different then the other, I always love the other better, blah blah blah. This is not true, I try to treat all of them as equals, however due to their age difference and sex they need to be treated differently. If I yell at my daugther, he dad goes crazy and if my boy's do something, look at her wrong or say something he does not agree with, he gets mad as well. However my daugther can do just about anything she wants and gets away with it. It always brings arguments between my husband and myself. My boys are now 11 and 13 years old and they are frusterated and maybe begining to dislike their sister and not to mention I am worried how they will feel about their brother when he is born. I love my daugther, but she knows that her dad will pick her side regardless and sometime she does things on purpose just to get them or myself in trouble. My husband always says that I let my boys' do anything they want and always yell at our daughter. He says I don't dicipline my boys the right way or I let them get away with too much. I don't see it. Today we had war yet again...I'll give you the reason.....I asked each of the kids to do a chore in the kitchen after dinner. My oldest, 13 to wash the dinner dishes, my 11 y/o to take the laundry down to the basement and my 8 y/o daughter to wash the table down....well my 11 y/o went down to the basement and my daugther tried to lock him down their (totally playing around) but my oldest told her she should not have done that and then my husband starts yelling at him telling him that it's not his busniess to disipline her and then it's all war. My oldest ends up crying, my dauther too, and myself and my husband is yelling because now my son says to him that he needs to quit yelling and it just gets worse. Am I the only one struggling with this????Are their other family's that are like us....how can I fix this...to make matters a bit more complicated, my husband is from Mexico and brings some of his heritage to the table....please any suggestions?????

[RockRose]

This is the pain of a blended family.   The Brady Bunch was a total fantasy.


It doesn't matter that your husband is from Mexico.  What plays into this,  is he is the biodad of some of the kids,  and not  the others.  He favors his own children over the kids who are not his children.    This is how blended families typically operate.

My best advice is to tell him he'll get great sex if he treats your children well,  and make this actually happen.  He will be on an iceberg if he keeps treating your kids with disdain.

[Laura_Juan]

Thanks for the advice RockRose.....this morning my husband woke up still angry. Ugh.....hopefully he'll get over it soon.

[blackcherry92]

i know whats going on with your family i went thro the similer thing with mine you should talk to your husband about adopting the boys to make them his 2 if he then continues suggest he takes the boys fishing for an entire weekend leaving you home with your daughter that then gives you bounding time and time to understand why she does the things she does then switch the next weekend let your husband take her for a weekend let him see one on one what shes been doing by the 3rd week spend it as the family go to the movies something you and your husband choose and dont let the kids know till they get their so they cant argue with what ur seeing then let me know how it goes