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Teen son won't stop touching sisters
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Teen son won't stop touching sisters

I'm at a loss, and have no idea how to handle this.  I have a mid-teen step-son, who seems to be unable (unwilling?) to stop touching both his step-sister, and his bio sister (all are around the same ages).  It started with touching them on the behind - we explained (calmly) how this behaviour was inappropriate regardless of whether they were his sisters or not.  Unwelcome "familiar" touching of anyone is wrong - he wouldn't do it to any other female (ie school), the same holds true for his sisters.  Then began the "flashing" of his sisters - his behind, his genitals.  Firmer discussion AGAIN with him, he apologizes and makes promises of never again.  Now, its gotten to the point that he has groped his step-sister's breast.  She flipped (understandably!), my husband read him the riot act - but, this is MY daughter.  I am beside myself.  We have had open, honest discussions.. we have explained ad nauseum not only the social/personal issue involved, but legally as well - that what he is doing is literally sexual assault.  I understand teenage "urges" - but, this is my daughter and this is not only continuing, its obviously escalating.  I love my husband beyond words, and (under normal circumstances) love my step-son - but, would not hesitate to walk away from this relationship to ensure the safety of my daughter.  As a side note:  my step-son's mother was involved with a man for many years who had a son a few years older than HER daughter.  It came out that the son had sexually touched her daughter (my step-daughter).  I know my step-son knows about that occurrence (and, the idea that their mother stayed with the man for years, in my opinion, gave her kids a clear message that the son's behaviour was acceptable).  Bottom line is, I have a bunch of things going thru my head and no idea how to handle this - any input would be appreciated!
5 Comments Post a Comment
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134578_tn?1404951303
See a counselor.  Ask for advice on what might stop this kid, and ask for advice about leaving the relationship if it continues.  Online isn't going to help you as much as you need.
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Avatar_f_tn
You poor thing! I think that the only route here is probably one of counselling/ therapy. I am not a doctor and would wish to be as far away from this continuing sexual assault of my daughter as possible. You are a saint in behaving so calmly.
However, you have the 100% support of your husband behind you, thank goodness. He no doubt does not relish the idea of anyone, including his son, touching his own daughter either. Also, you have taken into account his upbringing and it has to have some bearing on the behaviour.
But but but - this cannot carry on. It is a non negotiable, inappropriate and unacceptable act which has to be stopped now.
I have a grandson (10) with Aspergers who started doing this at school and to his 14 year old sister. My daughter met with the teachers and together they arranged counselling. Also, he had to be deprived of whatever he liked to do if there was an occurrence. No football for a week, no computer games, no going to friends' houses. At school there was no break, or no games, anything which showed him that this was wrong and had to be punished.
He is much better now but even if he begins to talk about women's bodies in an inappropriate way we all make it clear that this is wrong.
He has learned, and even told his friends, that you have to be kind and gentle to girls and never do anything with which they do not feel comfortable. We have also made it clear that if anyone talks or touches him so that he is not comfortable with the situation, he has to make it known and tell one of us straight away.
I hope you don't feel ashamed at asking for help. The boy needs it and it will improve  his life and the whole family dynamics. Good luck and act now.  
  
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Avatar_m_tn
I just recently found out that my son has Asperger's. He had touched his step-sister on her breast. were all worried about this happening at school as he is starting high school soon. I'm going to quit my job so I can stay home and home school him. this whole thing went to court and my husbands daughter's mom is not letting her come back to our house even though my son is staying with my parents till I can get him the help he needs and be able to stay home with him. I'm trying very hard to keep are heads above water. this is all new to me.
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Avatar_f_tn
Coming from an abused child I would abuse other children and I was only 4 or 5. The most that I can say is talk to your son. Make sure he makes eye contact with you. And make sure you have a bond with him that if he is doing something you would be able to tell. Same goes for your girls. Know them inside and out. But if you wasn't there for him before then you may not be able to get through to him cause you were never there. They all need someone who they can talk to that will stand up for them. Don't be so calm. This is a serious problem and needs to be handled.
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Avatar_f_tn
Leaving would help your daughter for life. Also speaking from a child who had a predator living with her it's very uncomfortable and unsettling to know that this jackass at anytime will violate you.
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RockRose
Austin, TX