Teen son won't stop touching sisters

[atmywitsend1964]

I'm at a loss, and have no idea how to handle this.  I have a mid-teen step-son, who seems to be unable (unwilling?) to stop touching both his step-sister, and his bio sister (all are around the same ages).  It started with touching them on the behind - we explained (calmly) how this behaviour was inappropriate regardless of whether they were his sisters or not.  Unwelcome "familiar" touching of anyone is wrong - he wouldn't do it to any other female (ie school), the same holds true for his sisters.  Then began the "flashing" of his sisters - his behind, his genitals.  Firmer discussion AGAIN with him, he apologizes and makes promises of never again.  Now, its gotten to the point that he has groped his step-sister's breast.  She flipped (understandably!), my husband read him the riot act - but, this is MY daughter.  I am beside myself.  We have had open, honest discussions.. we have explained ad nauseum not only the social/personal issue involved, but legally as well - that what he is doing is literally sexual assault.  I understand teenage "urges" - but, this is my daughter and this is not only continuing, its obviously escalating.  I love my husband beyond words, and (under normal circumstances) love my step-son - but, would not hesitate to walk away from this relationship to ensure the safety of my daughter.  As a side note:  my step-son's mother was involved with a man for many years who had a son a few years older than HER daughter.  It came out that the son had sexually touched her daughter (my step-daughter).  I know my step-son knows about that occurrence (and, the idea that their mother stayed with the man for years, in my opinion, gave her kids a clear message that the son's behaviour was acceptable).  Bottom line is, I have a bunch of things going thru my head and no idea how to handle this - any input would be appreciated!

[AnnieBrooke]

See a counselor.  Ask for advice on what might stop this kid, and ask for advice about leaving the relationship if it continues.  Online isn't going to help you as much as you need.

[Confusedmomhelp]

How do you find a counselor on situations like this?

[kay971997]

If you have talked to him repeatedly and the behavior has not stopped, He needs professional help.  This issue needs to be nipped in the bud before you have bigger problems later.  I would talk with the therapist first and give background information.  If this behavior continues after professional help is provided I would leave for the safety of your daughters and your own sanity.  You can still have a relationship with your husband just at a distance. Your kids need to come first.

[specialmom]

I'd have a hard time having a relationship with a man who did this but understand what you are saying.

[atmywitsend1964]

Obviously, a lot of time has passed since my original posting - I'd like to say that things resolved on their own, or that he got the help I think he needed... or rather, needs.  Its sad for me to realize the date of my original post - over 5 years ago now - and knowing the fight that has happened in those intervening years.  I SO appreciate all of the responses - I'd never felt so lost.  And, still feel very much that way even this many years later.  The inappropriate touching of his siblings (bio and step alike) never happened again - honestly, I'd told him and my husband in no uncertain terms that I didn't care if he touched one of "my" girls or his sister - I'd be at the police station so fast it'd make his head spin, and there was nothing either of them could do to stop me.  There were, and are, huge flags in his behaviour that I feel and have long felt would only be resolved with counselling and testing.  And, how accurate that would be would obviously be contingent on how "truthful" he would be with any counsellors.  After 4 years of pure hell, he graduated high school - and, moved with his mom to go to college.  At this point, he has JUST moved out of there (rather, he was "kicked out") and while the "touching" hasn't continued there are still massive issues with hygiene, personal boundaries, lack of empathy, total disregard for others' feelings, lack of self respect or self-control - the list is long.  I have begged, yelled, screamed and cried to get this "kid" help - I have been left feeling like I am the only one fighting for "him" to get help.  At this point, he is 20+ years old - no longer a child and able to perhaps be "pushed" into seeking help by parents.  He is an adult - this is on him.  We have had so many talks with him, and the result is always "I'm sorry, I know, I want to do better" but changes nothing.  They are simply words.   I agree with you, Bipolarmomofafamof8 - there is something major psychological going on, and have pretty much said those exact words or words to that effect for years - if his behaviour is out of his control, he needs help.  If his behaviour is something he is doing by choice - he needs help.  Either way, its a problem.  I don't know where or how this is going to change - if ever.  I worry that something major is going to have to happen in order for him to get the help he should have had years ago - but, as a step-mom, I'm constantly reminded of "not your kid".  I am going to get NO satisfaction if my fears are ever realized, and will fight the phrase "I told you so" from coming out of my mouth.  I pray that this kid gets the help he so desperately needs to be able to live his life to the fullest - I just don't see it happening.

[Bipolarmomofafamof8]

He needs to be evaluated for Bipolar disorder. The behavior is not normal and he may not be able to help it if he is manic. Hospitalization may be necessary.

[Confusedmomhelp]

I can't answer only say I had a issue with my 13 yr old boy today by crawling under the covers and touching his 20 year old sisters butt I don't know what to do or how to get him help

[Star1982]

Leaving would help your daughter for life. Also speaking from a child who had a predator living with her it's very uncomfortable and unsettling to know that this jackass at anytime will violate you.

[Star1982]

Coming from an abused child I would abuse other children and I was only 4 or 5. The most that I can say is talk to your son. Make sure he makes eye contact with you. And make sure you have a bond with him that if he is doing something you would be able to tell. Same goes for your girls. Know them inside and out. But if you wasn't there for him before then you may not be able to get through to him cause you were never there. They all need someone who they can talk to that will stand up for them. Don't be so calm. This is a serious problem and needs to be handled.

[ravenlokss]

I just recently found out that my son has Asperger's. He had touched his step-sister on her breast. were all worried about this happening at school as he is starting high school soon. I'm going to quit my job so I can stay home and home school him. this whole thing went to court and my husbands daughter's mom is not letting her come back to our house even though my son is staying with my parents till I can get him the help he needs and be able to stay home with him. I'm trying very hard to keep are heads above water. this is all new to me.

[grungema3]

You poor thing! I think that the only route here is probably one of counselling/ therapy. I am not a doctor and would wish to be as far away from this continuing sexual assault of my daughter as possible. You are a saint in behaving so calmly.
However, you have the 100% support of your husband behind you, thank goodness. He no doubt does not relish the idea of anyone, including his son, touching his own daughter either. Also, you have taken into account his upbringing and it has to have some bearing on the behaviour.
But but but - this cannot carry on. It is a non negotiable, inappropriate and unacceptable act which has to be stopped now.
I have a grandson (10) with Aspergers who started doing this at school and to his 14 year old sister. My daughter met with the teachers and together they arranged counselling. Also, he had to be deprived of whatever he liked to do if there was an occurrence. No football for a week, no computer games, no going to friends' houses. At school there was no break, or no games, anything which showed him that this was wrong and had to be punished.
He is much better now but even if he begins to talk about women's bodies in an inappropriate way we all make it clear that this is wrong.
He has learned, and even told his friends, that you have to be kind and gentle to girls and never do anything with which they do not feel comfortable. We have also made it clear that if anyone talks or touches him so that he is not comfortable with the situation, he has to make it known and tell one of us straight away.
I hope you don't feel ashamed at asking for help. The boy needs it and it will improve  his life and the whole family dynamics. Good luck and act now.