Ten year old preteen

[preteenmom]

I hava a ten yr old daughter that is going on 21! she is very well developed and had her period for 2 years now. she is very mature and been around a lot of adults for which i am only 28! I have tried to talk to her on multiple occasions about sex and the consequences. She was caught about 3-4 months ago lookin at porn on our computer hiding it with  wee world and webkins. she had all her privilleges taken away and no more internet period. not here at home or at school.  well she spent the night at her lil friends house (who we are very close with as parents) she waited till everyone went to sleep and she logged on. she looked up porn at their house on their computer. they have like 7 kids the youngest just 6 years old. what would have happened if their 6 yr old clikked on that and seen XXX!!! Kelly (the friends mom) has always had full range/permission to treat my daughter as her own. she did talk to her and made her do chores and then sat down with the bible. BUT as her mother i just dont know what i am suppossed to do?? how am i suppossed to displine her or even do with her? i am so fed up!!! i just am so lost!!! please help me

preteenmom

[Kage_no_Taren]

Looking at porn is not entirely abnormal for someone her age.  However, she is putting you at significant legal risk by viewing it, and you could theoretically end up in jail.  Additionally if the stuff she is looking at involves people around her own age then you are looking at possession of child pornography, as well as possibly minor in possession (if she's downloading stuff), and possibly sexual abuse (since she's too young and your the adult in charge of her).  Regardless your moral beleifs about pornography, it may be more effective to approach her from the perspective that you could be facing pretty nasty legal consequences for what she's doing.  As she's under 12, she cannot do time etc, and you are considered legally responsible for any crimes she commits.  While you don't need to get specific with her, explaining that risk, and possibly talking about the exploitation and disrespect for women which occurs in that industry, may be a far more effective deterrent than telling her that it's wrong or that she's too young.  She is too young, of course, but getting her not to do it is more important than getting her to agree with you on that.  

[heatherlynn22]

have you thought about putting a parental block on the computer? or has your friend? i know once the dh and i's boys (they're only 8 months old right now) are older and start using the computer (whether it's just to browse the web or doing homework) there will parental blocks and we will be sitting them down and explaining everything about the birds and bees and what sort of things are on the internet and how in appropriate it is and blah blah blah....
my aunt actually had issues with her 7 year old viewing porn on the computer (he wasn't the one looking it up...his dad was downloading it my aunt later found out) and she caught him. she had to explain how that was inappropriate and stuff like that was to be kept in privacy and how it on the computer it was bad and blah blah blah. of course the parental block went up and only she had the password. after cleaning out the comp of all the porn and yelling at her dh they've had no porn problems.

[April2]

It is normal for kids to be curious about sex but to view porn is not a good way to learn about sex since it's a distorted image, among other things. My oldest boy looked at porn on the computer when he was around 10 or 11 and we sat down and had a long talk with him and calmly told him that we understood that he was curious but to please come to us with any questions he had. We told him that porn exploits women and gives an unhealthy view of what sex is supposed to be, which is something to be enjoyed between two people who care about each other, not just for selfish gratification or using people. We also gave him the sex talk at that time since he was still pretty innocent and didn't know girls could get pregnant and not be married, etc.
After the long talk, we purchased a filter for our computer and started monitoring it much more closely. It sickens me that the porn industry is so easily assessable to our kids and that they can see things they are not really able to deal with. Kids are growing up way too fast today and losing their innocence much younger. It's getting harder and harder to protect our kids. We must be a lot more active and watchful than even our parents were.
It sounds like you're on top of things. Just keep the communications open, monitor the computer use and you might want to say no to sleepovers right now until she can obey the rules and you can trust her to be away from you. She will have to earn that trust back, you can start by just having the sleepovers at your house and see how she does.
At least you care. I know many parents who are letting their kids participate things they simply do not have the maturity and understanding to be able to make good decisions. It's a tough world we live in and we do have to teach our kids to make good choices while still protecting them from things that can harm them. I wish you well. God bless.