Parenting Teens (12-17) Community
What Can I Do?
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This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting teens (age 12-17), including physical, emotional, and cognitive development, handling peer pressure, activities & sports, choosing a college, and relationships.

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What Can I Do?

My 16 year old son, who has a learning disability as well as ADHD went for a visit to his dads and decided not to come home.  Its killing me.  I knew he wanted to try living there but we had discussed him finishing his school year.  This is just horrible.  He won't talk to me or have any contact with me whatsoever.  I wish at least that I had any idea why but I don't.  Further his dad is an hour away and is quite happy with the situation.  In fact I am aware that his father bribed and sugared the pot quite a bit to get this to happen.  We have been divorced since my son was 3 and his dad left us stranded with no money, (I had been pregnant and not working), and began seeing someone else who he is now married to.  They were unable to have children and now she is thrilled to have my son to dote on.  At my house, I had insisted that my son do a few chores.  Garbage, emptying the dishwasher, shoveling the drive.  Not much else.  However, he felt this was too much.  His dad, coming from a very wealthy family, (and working very hard over the past 13 years to NEVER pay child support.  Amazing how this can be done), has lavished my son with incredibly expensive gifts continuously.  Treats him like a king when he is there.  If he wants to eat this or that, it appears.  The newest and most expensive of every gadget.  A new car to work on his driving skills.
Now, I have no idea what to do.  My Ex has continued to be horrible to me for the past 13 years.  He has at all times refused to speak by phone.  At least while my son was here, he did make a small minimal effort.  My Ex refuses to email me or to text me.  So basically, there is absolutely no communication whatsoever.  If there is it is by text and my Ex is texting me something nasty, such as "Loser.  Seems you lost your Son :)"
Before this happened completely out of the blue, I thought that I had had a fairly good relationship with him.  We talked, made dinner together, took him to school, movies, etc.
Now my heart is completely broken.  He has 2 more weeks of school near me and after that it will be summer and he will be an hour away.  Next year he will be attending school near his dad.  What can I do?
If I drive an hour to see him, he will likely refuse to see me.  His dad will not respond to me if I try to contact him.  My son refuses to respond to me except for one text where he texted me that "he wanted his stuff".  I simply don't know what to do and cry all day and night.  I am alone in the house.  He even took our/his dog.  I hate going past his room and now no longer bother going upstairs but sleep on the couch. I was laid off from my job in December and still haven't found a new one and am finding it so hard to look.  I can barely stay in my house as its so painful but can't afford to move.  I have no family as I was adopted and my parents have passed.  No one but no one understands how horrible this situation is. I have seen a doctor for my broken heart but aside from sympathize there is little they can do.  I do have an older daughter but she is on her own and is really not interested and tells me to get over it.  Any suggestions would really help.
Tags: Teenaged son, Teenaged Son left, kids and divorce, Son Left Me, How can I get thru to my Son?, How can I be in my Son's Life?, How to go on?
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Move, & move Now. Do not let him get comfortable with what situation he has in mind. Men put their foot down on things what are only ideas, you must show them what reality looks like. Book seasonal football for the boy & have his father co-sign, then show up at their doorstep from time to time with a hug & some emergency footy socks. They'll get used to you. FOLLOW THEM.
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