Really struggling recently with 15 year old daughter. She has lots of great attributes, very bright, confident, talented but also incredibly fixed on her own opinions and will not budge or reach compromises eg point blank refused to take her art painting work outside when asked to move from the good lounge, ended up physically abusive when her phone was removed. Is always late which is a big source of family stress and if left behind eg to take little brother to school first so he's not late has a complete meltdown. She says she has no respect for me and I'm inhumane. Minimal conflict with dad but he rarely sets any limits so I'm the baddie. We are trying to be a united front but he is a very laid back, agreeable sort of person and he doesn't have problems with much of her behaviour although occasionally he gets very angry with her. I am removing her phone for 24 hours for extreme oppositional behaviour. She gets very angry about this and says it just makes her disrespect me more. It's hard staying strong through her tantrums and it's causing alot of distress for the whole family recently. Any advice?
Teenage girls are tough. I would recommend you read "love and logic" and try to put some of the practices in place, although some of them are a bit 'round the bend.
The way they would handle the car situation, is just announce "everyone who is ready at 8:15 will get a ride to school". Calmly, matter of fact, the way you'd say we're having spaghetti for dinner. Then tomorrow if she's not ready and is screaming and ranting she'll be late you just nod your head in sympathy, "i know!" as if you don't have a thing whatsoever to do with the outcome. Like she's screaming that the school bus is leaving without her.
Another quote is "I'll be really interested to see how you work this out". That one's a gem!
I do sense that you two may butt heads because you're both insistent on getting your way, which makes mother daughter relationships - because mothers and daughters are often so alike - I wonder if sometimes you could just decide some battles aren't worth fighting?
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