mom teenage son relationship

My cousin asked me about this over the weekend, I talked to her last night and she asked if I could get some feedback from some other people who might be better able to explain why it is/isn't something that she needs to be concerned about...
  
My cousin’s fiancé told her that she was being ‘inappropriate’ with her 16 y/o son, and told her that he is very disturbed by this and isn't sure how to handle it and what he feels.

Christmas morning Trevor came into his mothers’ room and sat down on the end of the bed talking to his mom and the fiancé. After they talked awhile Trevor climbed up next to his mom, laid his head on her shoulder and said he ‘needed’ a nap (they were waiting on other kids to wake up before opening presents).

The fiancé was very disturbed by this; he acted kind of withdrawn the rest of the morning, but didn’t say anything until after the kids had gone to their fathers for the rest of the weekend. He told her that it was inappropriate for boy of Trevor’s age to be crawling up into bed with his mother and was concerned.

I told her that I didn’t necessarily see anything wrong with it. It is not an ongoing behavior. Trevor never sleeps with her or his sisters and hasn’t since he was about 7.  

Do you see this as something my cousin needs to be concerned about regarding Trevor? I Told her that I didn’t think so, but that I know her and Trevor so maybe I am not looking at it from a non-biased perspective. I wondered if it had been Trevor’s sister who is the same age, if the fiancé would have said anything.

Thoughts?

[RockRose]

This is very typical,  for boyfriends to be jealous of the relationship a mother has with her teenage son.   A LOT of men strongly object to normal physical affection between mothers and their sons,  and believe the sons are disturbed and sick.  

She needs to put her foot down on this one,  and make it clear to her boyfriend that her healthy relationship with her son isn't negotiable, and if he still objects he's out of there,

[April2]

He laid his head on her shoulder? That was it? I think it's great if they have a close, loving relationship. Lots of families are more huggy or touchy than others. There's nothing wrong with that. My cousin had all girls. I used to go over to their house all the time and the girls adored their father. They always would sit on his lap and roll around the floor, roughhousing and such, even well into their teens. I never though anything was inappropriate with that, ever.
He needs to be careful what he's accusing or thinking. He may lose her.
I'm with RockRose on this one. I think there's a wee bit of jealousy going on.

[babygirl6152]

My son is 17 and I can see him doing that..... he is VERY careful though about not touching me inappropriately/ where his hands land when he hugs me etc etc and I am just wondering if the boy lay close to her breast is why the boyfriend/fiance was disturbed by- just the way it looked but my son lays in the crook of my arm sometimes. It took his step dad a while to get used to seeing a boy so - touchy-feely with his momma. Took years but we have it all worked through- Men think grown boys need to be tough and man-ly. Older males see it as their "job" to raise young men into grown men. They have a lot of talking to do to keep a good balance here.....

Envious may be the feeling/ but more likely he really in his heart felt the boys was touching mom more than HE ever touched his mom- like I said- lots to talk out here.

No he probably would not have felt the same way for a daughter to hug her but fiance/dad/stepdads don't see it as their "place" to rear daughters into men-ly men!


AND I DO NOT envy what they all have to look forward to now working this all out til everyone is comfortable,  just know if all parties listen to one another they can work through it.

[kikicoates78]

I agree with Rock Rose, She needs to tell her fiance' to get over it! My son is 14, and he would do the same thing, we are still their "mommies" 4-ever, I think her fiance' is a little disturbed for thinking somthing perverse.