mother and son

[sweetgal1970]

Hi, this is almost an embarrassing question, but is it okay for my 15 year old son to sleep with me every night?  His father and I split up 4 yrs ago and this is when this started.  He is normal in every way and I don't feel there is anything wrong, but other people do.  His 17 yr old brother picks on him for it.  Your advice would mean a lot.

[hangman1951]

No, it is not OK for your 15-year-old son to sleep with you every night.   If he is having abandonment issues because his father left, then you need to find counseling for him as soon as possible.  Then renovate his room to entice him to sleep there instead of with you.

[hangman1951]

And involve him in the renovation so that he feels "in charge" of it.

[lobo29]

I do not agree with the others, your 15 year old son has reached puberty, he should be in his own bed.  It is not normal for him  to sleep with you.  How long will you let him do this since you say you are okay with it?  What age will you finally say "youre to old to be sleeping with mommy"? 17, 18.. 21??  Ask him if he would tell his friends that he still sleeps with mommy, if he says "NO WAY" that would be embarrassing, well there's your answer.  If he cant tell his friends then he shouldnt be doing it. He knows its wrong as well.  Just look at the faces of YOUR friends when you tell them he still sleeps with you... their faces will tell you one thing but what they say MAY be different.  Just my opinion.

[TK86]

I am sorry, but I do not find it the norm for your 15 year old son to share a bed. It is time to cut the apron strings or umbilical cord. In two years he will be eligible for military service or off to college. Who will hold him then in bed and is upset and wants to cry and be cuddled. It is time to be independent and learn to live with his own feelings. I would start with setting some appropriate boundary's and discipline. I grew up with a domineering mother, but the best thing I ever did was go to a university 1500 miles away, so I would not be tempted to drive home every weekend and whine to my parents. I knew I was loved, but as an adult, not a child. Conversations are to be held at the kitchen table or family room, not in bedrooms, which are for sleep and the privacy of adult relations. Many parents are terrific at being parents to children. However, all too many parents fail to be parents to adults, which is the most rewarding years of life for the adult-parent and adult-child. This transition starts to happen at the time Jewish people wisely have prophesied to be age 13, when a boy becomes a man.  

[SandyD123]

When we looked into a therapist we found the nicest lady who specialized in teen girls...she is so awesome!  Any funny thing, my daughter said she "didn't believe in therapists"  huh!  she got over that after the first visit, "Amanda" can do no wrong in her eyes and sometimes when my daughter doesn't like what I have to say or what I suggest, she will tell me that she will take it up with Amanda and get back to me!  It's all good!
It's like having a grown up friend you can always relay on and she really looks forward to her time with Amanda....she also is in a small girls group once a week where they can talk and vent about life's issues....these girls laugh, eat chocolate and paint their nails and love it so much!  Not like you would think when you think of therapy!  So, find someone that your son is comfortable with, small groups can be a lot of fun and again, best of luck!

[sweetgal1970]

Hi, Sandy!  Thank you so much for your response.  It feels good to find someone out there who understands what I am going through.  I will not turn him away as this is the time when he needs me the most.  And you are so right about teens needing someone to vent to instead of their parents.  I think I will consider finding someone for him.  I can really understand what you are going through and you are definitely doing the right thing.  All children need a parent that they can come to and feel safe with.  Thanks again for your advice.  Take care!

[SandyD123]

Hi,   Not embarrassing at all!  I get it!  My daughter 15 is going through a pretty tough break up (2nd time this spring-same boy) and just falls apart!  She is usually so strong but night time she becomes a little girl and crys for me to stay with her....in the beginning, she would wake up crying for me and I had to lay with her until she fell asleep.....I think life just gets so hard for these kids...They handle thing fine during the day, but become emotional at night when they have time to think....I figure my daughter is so mature in almost every way except for her emotions...thats when they need us the most!  Tell people to lay off!  Nobody understands this until they experience it...My daughter has been visiting with a family therapist and it helps a lot!  (I think every kid could use someone to vent to instead of just their parents) It helps put things into perspective for them!  Blessings to you and hang in there!  You are not alone! ; D