motivation/lying

I am the mom of 15 y.o. girl.  She lacks motivation, has been caught lying to us.  I've lost trust in her as a result.
I talk to her about trust, yet, we are snooping on her and found she had set up several facebook accounts.  In any event, how do I help her gain self esteem, motivation and stop the lying even when she is caught red handed? Thank you

[paulbaker]

I can't give much advice..but what I CAN say is that about 14-16 is an age range where kids act exactly like your describing. As the oldest of 3 kids, and the 3rd oldest of 14 cousins, I have seen most of us go through this stage, and remember it myself. I remember the lying, back talking..just being sneaky. Didn't communicate with my parents; all of a sudden they just seemed annoying and unfair. All I wanted to do was hang out with friends and party. Now I see my younger sister and male cousin both at this stage and boy is it annoying..I feel like they won't do ANYTHING with their lives, and my sister is always making up stuff. My parents are a tad more lax on her than they were on me, so they have a better relationship.

Honestly the best advice I can give is to not be TOO strict about things she may want to do. Don't just "not care", but the thing is..if she thinks the answer will always be no, that's when the lying starts. Compromise, if there's a party, don't just simply say yes, or no. If there's going to be kids drinking (which there always is) you have to tell her that your going to trust her to make the right decisions and be responsible. Have an agreed pick up time.

Motivation wise,, everything is about getting involved. Self esteem comes from there too. It's a hard age, because there's always someone your not as cool as, so getting out there and being motivated are hard. What does she live? Sports? Music? Art? Someone unique? No matter what it is, be sure to give her opportunities and full support. I was shy my whole life, partied in my early teens..and didn't get out there and discover my passion until I was about 17!

Good luck!

[stircrazy04]

Thank you for taking the time to comment.  It most certainly is a difficult age.  And she being the oldest, I guess, is preparing us for the others.   As for motivation even things she likes she only wants to do the bare minimum.  Thank you.