my 15 yr old is jelous of her unborn sibbling

For 6 years my daughter has been asking for a baby sister. Well, after 5 years of trying and tons of heart break we have achieved this. I am now 18 weeks pregnant and found out 2 days ago it is indeed a girl. Since then my daughter has been very distant and uninterested in anything to do w/ the baby. Yesterday I went out and bought a bunch of stuff for the baby and when I got home I was all excited and showing my kids (I have a 14 yr old son as well) when my daughter told me all I care about is the baby. I could not believe what I was hearing. I had to realy push to get her to tell me what was going on. Then she broke down crying and told me she is afraid her stepdad won't love her anymore because now he will have a real daughter. (My husband has been the only father she has ever known and her bio dad is no where in the picture.) I told her that was not true and that his love for her would never change. She said we were replacing her w/ the baby and that he would no longer have time for her. I explained that baby's do take alot of time and attention, but that we were hoping she would be there to help as well. I explained we want her very involved and that her relationship w/ this baby was going to be very important. Being 15 years older and the big sis, Trinity (the baby) would probly be coming to her for things she doesn't feel she can come to us about. She just told me she wasn't going to be around. She was sobbing and I could tell she was very upset. She's 15 and I never thought we would have this issue at this age. I don't know what else to say to convience her that we will always love her very much and nothing will ever take that away. I asked my husband to talk to her, but I'm not even sure if that will help since I couldn't get through to her. Does anyone have any sugestions what we can do????

[April2]

This is actually not surprising at all. 15 is a tough age to begin with. Add to that a blended family and new baby on the way and of course she'd feel anxious and pushed out of the picture. It's perfectly normal for her to feel that way. I'm not saying it's right, but it's normal. Do acknowledge her feelings and listen. It's good that she was able to open up to you and talk. Her feelings are important and should be respected. It's going to take some time and making a conscious effort of including her in everything but she will come around eventually. Don't just include her in baby things, though. If you're not doing so yet, start setting aside time for just you and her. No baby talk! (Unless she brings it up) This will be HER time, time for her to do whatever she wants. Do something she enjoys, shopping, going out to eat, getting your nails done or a pedicure, movie, etc. But make it HER time. And when she talks, really listen! Show her that you understand and are there for her.
Ask your husband to do the same, to find some one on one time to spend with her. Maybe they can go fishing, or just out for a ride.
Also try to find some family time too. It doesn't have to be something big all the time. The most important thing is just finding that time to just focus on her.
After the baby is born, try to continue to do that as much as you can.
She's feeling very vulnerable right now and needs lots of assurance. I'm sure once the baby is born, she will fall in love with her and want to help with her. Do let her help with things. My daughter was 12 when my youngest was born and she was such a huge help to me. She even slept on the couch in my hospital room after he was born and would hold him so I could eat and run get me ice water. I was so grateful to her and it made her feel good and important to be helping. She even would babysit for me so I could run out to the store sometimes. I didn't make them long trips but doing that showed that I trusted her with him and that made her feel good.

The most important thing you can do here is respect her feelings. Allow her to have them and express them and show her that she can always come and talk to you. Keep those communication lines open. It's so important when they're teens! It's tough being a teen. They still need love and attention just like when they were little, even if they act tough like they don't. Don't believe it! They need it even more so, I think.

I hope some of this helps. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope everything smooths out soon here for you. I'm sure it will, given a little time. Take care!

[GUESITO]

Its amazing how my daughter (12) is acting exactly the same way about my grandbaby soon to be born. She says all you care about is the baby!! Its frustrating.

[blessedmomof3]

April2,
Thank you for the very good advice. We are working on things w/ my daughter and my husband and I even took her out to dinner the other night. Brother stayed w/ a friend. I hope she realises soon that she is still loved in everyway, not matter what. I'm still worried about how she will feel when the baby is born and needs to much attention. I hope she gets involved and learns to enjoy her lil' sis.

GUESITO,
Yes, it is very frustrating. You would think at their ages they could handle all this, but I guess we forget they are still kids and still need us. I hope your daughter learns to enjoy being an auntie and comes around soon.