my son is out of control

[norma20]

My son have just turned 18 and he doesn't even bother coming to sleep anymore, he completely ignores every order we give him.  I think he may be under the influence of drugs and alcohol because he hangs out with 25 years olds and sometimes comes home smelling like smoke. Is the anywhere where i go so they help me with him?

[heatherlynn22]

so you're basing the assumption that your son is drinking and doing drugs because he hangs out with an older crowd? what kind of smoke does he smell like? cigarette smoke? if it's cigarette smoke that doesn't mean he's doing drugs. i have friends who smoke and are not alcoholics or junkies.

he's 18. he's technically an adult. you can't make him do anything. if you don't like how he's acting give him an ultimatium. either he obeys your rules or he finds a new place to live. my mother did the same thing to my brother. he didn't like so he moved out. he's struggling but my mom isn't caving in to give him what he wants. it's her rules or he doesn't go home. don't baby him. treat him like the adult he wants to be. make him realize life isn't fair. that there are consequences to his actions.

[margypops]

It is your house so you can set the rules even though he is 18 you can talk to him and advise him, maybe google your area for help regarding the suspected drinking , hes got to want to not do it though the only thing you can do is express to him your concern and see what he says, is he working as he must have to get up to go to work, how does he manage and stay up late.

[Ihatethispain]

Talk to him and express your concerns. If its cigarette smoke, its the "I'm 18 I'm going to smoke stage." Believe me, I went out and did that when I turned 18. Its a freedom thing...your under the euphoria of having "legal adulthood" and you want to test your limits...you want to see what its like to be an adult..and your first cigarette is like some adult conformation thing.
   It will get old..he'll enventually see that adult life isn't all so amazing. Staying up late...it'll take its toll. Hanging out with older people...it might just be because he's quite mature and gets along better with older adults.

   If you suspect drinking or drugs though, do talk to him. And if he starts having problems, and you know for sure if he's into something he's not...get help.

   Good luck :)

[Ihatethispain]

And if the smoking really bothers you, let him know how you feel about that. Warn him of the health problems that come along with it! Sometimes people just have to hear it again...

[Kage_no_Taren]

I'm with Heather on this one.  He's old enough to do what he wants, but not if isn't willing to take responsibility for meeting his own basic needs.  Tell him that either he acts how you guys want him to, or he can find another place to live.  That said, it might make sense not to be giving a lot of "orders" since he is an adult now, and the authority that parents have over their children is largely supposed to be a product of the idea that until crossing the magic age line at 18, they can't make the right decisions for themselves.