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4 Year-Old Separation Anxiety from Grandma?
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4 Year-Old Separation Anxiety from Grandma?

I now live a couple hours from my parents and it’s hard to spend a lot of time out there.  I generally don’t have more than a couple of weekends here and there to spend at my parents house, so my mom insists on taking my daughter for a week at a time as often as possible, which equals out to at least once every other month.  I’m normally very cautious about her spending time away from me because I never want her to feel uncomfortable in an environment that neither of us have control over.  However, I do know that she is well cared for while she’s there.  

I’ve been fighting this for a while though because she’s been getting progressively worse about leaving to come home.  At first it was just crying at goodbyes, which is understandable, but then the crying started continuing to the car ride home, and then through the rest of the day, and now it's going on for days after she gets home.  I've been telling my mom that I'm uncomfortable with her going there for a week at a time because of this and she says that she'll talk to her about it and it'll be fine.  She even went so far as to say that if I wasn’t going to bring her then she would come and get her.  When she talked to her about it this time she told her that she never has to feel like she won't see her again because even if I won't bring her there then she will come and pick her up.  

I'm really confused about this.  Her father and I have been separated before and she rarely even asks about him when they are apart, though they have a very close and strong relationship.  She’s closest to me and it’s never a problem when we’re apart.  She doesn't say anything about my dad, who she adores, though he can tell her no a little better than my mom can.  I’m not really sure how to react to the situation, so any insight is welcome!
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470885_tn?1326332637
I'm sorry that you're going through this, it must be difficult to see your daughter so distraught.

Your daughter's separation anxiety could certainly have been brought on by anxiety she has due to your separation from her dad.  I'd say that, while it's normal for a child to love his/her grandparents and enjoy spending time with them, it's not normal to be so attached to the point that he/she has a meltdown upon returning home.  You mentioned that your mother has been dealing with her own anxiety issues.....are you sure that isn't, perhaps, contributing to this behaviour in your daughter herself, either by her own words or actions?  That is to say possibly making her feel guilty for leaving her to go back home?

It may be wise to limit the amount of time that she spends away from home there, at least until this behaviour (hopefully) subsides.  You mentioned that your mom said she will come and get her if you do attempt to do such a thing - which, quite frankly, I find disturbing: she shouldn't be undermining your authority as the parent...she's YOUR mom, not your daughter's.

I wish you the very best of luck!!! :-)
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1134902_tn?1296069744
I Don't know if you use this forum anymore or if you have solved your Childs separation issues, but my so spends almost every second weekend, sometimes every weekend out at my parents, 30 minutes away.  He too will cry all night saying he misses grandma and says he never gets to see her.  It has gotten to the point where instead of saying he loves his father and I, he says he loves grandma.  He does have separation issues for me tho on school days.  Ur not alone!!
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Avatar_n_tn
im not sure if you were able to fix the problem.but i to went through that.i live with my grandparents for about 4 yrs.i bought my own place and since then my son wants to be over there 24-7.they over step the line all the time with me.they will show up and take him without asking.and if i say no my son will scream til he is blue.then im made out to be the bad person.they have gone as far as "using" my son to break my boyfriend and i up.my grandmother doesnt like him bc she isnt happy in her marriage.she has gone as far as to somehow put it in my sons head that we are mean and lie to him all the time.what pisses me off the most is they want nothing to do with my daughter only my son.on top of that all this started new yrs eve 2010.i asked them to watch the kids for the night and well long story short i got called all kind of names and was told if i take my kids out of their house they were going to call CPS on us.i got my daughter dressed and went ot get my son and they had got him so scared of me it came to me calling the cops.it was bad!i love them for all they have done for me and yes they like to put that in my face but its a power thing sometimes.u need to put ur foot down NOW be4 it gets as bad as i let my problem get.its so bad now i have no family.i told her to go to hell and that was that.but my son has treated me better since i took him away and wont let them see him.he is also doing better in school.just watch ur back.grandparents should only do what u say is ok and thats that!dont let them boss u around cuz in the end ur kid(s) wont have any respect for u!
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