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4 year old cries at school daily
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4 year old cries at school daily

hello,

my daughter started pre-k this year. before that i took her to a mother's day out program on and off, but this is her first full time experience.

She wakes up fine, gets dressed, has breakfast, even walks into school happy. The minute I hug her and turn around is when she SCREAMS. She wants another kiss, or hug which i don't succumb to because i know it's just an excuse. The teacher pulls her away and she tells me that a few minutes after i'm gone and she's fine.  That would be terrific except that it's now the 4th month into the school year and she's still doing this DAILY. She gets herself so riled up that she complains of her stomach hurting bad, and if you saw the way she cries, you'd believe it.  

Based on others' suggestions i've tried staying with her briefly to get her settled in, but that makes it worse because she's never ready to let me go. I try to make it as clean a break as possible but she runs after me. She has missed lots of days because she keeps picking up bugs from school (colds and flus) and maybe that has an effect on her learning consistency of schedule.

She is very bright and knows all the stuff that is being taught so it's possible that she could be bored. I'm a stay at home mom so I can have her stay home until next year, the only reason I put her in school is that she's an only child and needed some friends and social interaction with kids her age (which she's got plenty of now).

I'm usually driving home with tears of my own. I hear other teachers talk about how difficult my child is to other moms, or as soon as the kids in her class see her, they say, 'oh please don't cry today' or 'here she goes again'.. and it really hurts. it's hard enough that i have to watch her like she's in pain every morning.

sigh. anyway, if you've made it all the way down here, i appreciate your interest and thank you in advance for your help.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi, I understand what your going through and trust me, if mine can do it so can yours:)  My daughter, 5, started Kindergarten in Aug. and just a couple weeks ago finaly started going into class on her own.  She would kick and scream and beg me to take her.
  I wouldn't take her out of school because if you do,  that will just teach her that she can get her way by throwing fits. She must develop skills on her own to deal with you not being there and the best way is to consistently exspose them to their fears, i think.  It's hard to watch them but you need to keep consistently dropping her off, reassuring her you will return and she will get it. Mine got scared on Halloween and now is regressing some by panicing and not wanting me to leave her but, I will keep strong and consistent and soon she'll forget.  Some kids it takes longer for them to develope these skills , too.  Be patient:)
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p.s.  I also forgot to mention, mine is an only child, too.  You are very correct they need social skills and I think if you can leave her in preschool it will help her that much more when she starts Kindergarten.
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Avatar_n_tn
thank you so much for sharing, glad to know i'm not alone!! i think you're absolutely right about having her face her fears. i will keep steadfast and practice my cold cruel stare (for the mean people not my kid!) =)     hope yours gets over her fright soon, some of those costumes and store displays are really upsetting, poor baby.
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Avatar_n_tn
I worked at a wonderful childcare center for about 3 years and we had a great preschool program.  We would see this all the time and trust me your child is not the only one in her classroom with the same issues.  One of the biggest factors in how quickly the children adjust is how their parents react.  If you are overly upbeat about her going to school and excited about all the new stuff she is learing and all the art projects she is bringing home then she will relize that going to school is very special.  Also, even in the preschool is wonderful it needs to "fit" with your daughters personality and learning style. If she doesn't seem to adjust you may want to look at some different types of programs.  Good luck!!
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Avatar_n_tn
We went through the same issues and also have a 2 1/2 year old girl. She is also an only child. Everyday for 4 months she would cry in the mornings and when we picked her up she would cling to us and wanted us to hold her for about an hour at home. I would cry everyday also after I dropped her off at school. This was very disturbing to me and my husband and we sat down and came up with our own plan and it worked. First of all we spoke to her teacher and told her our concerns and would appreciate a little help in this transition. We gave the teacher a little sheet to fill our everyday to tell us how she was that day.  Time she stopped crying, time she slept, how long she slept, time she wet her pants, time she had a BM, what activities she did that day, did she play with others, did she have any strange behaviors.  At least we have some indication of what type of day she had without us actually being there.  At the end of the day the teachers are so tired they couldn't remember much about your specific child, so that sheet made the teachers fill it our during the course of the day.
Next, when we dropped her off in morning we let her watch her favorite TV show "Thw Wiggles" and eat breakfast on her own time.  We would then tell her we plan to do at home after we picked her up that day.  This would get he excited about getting through the day and gave her something else to look forward to.
Then, when she made something at school we would make a huge deal of it and tell her she is getting very smart at school and one day when she grows up she can go to work like Mom and Dad.  Wierd for a 2 year old to think about that but it gets her excited about learning, because she wants to be like her parents.
Last, be consistant everyday and don't let them see your emotions. If they see you get upset, then they react and get upset also.
It took another 2 weeks with our new plan, but it finally paid off.  Remember if your current plan doesn't work, then try something different.  Every child will react differently.
All children have to go through things like this to help them learn how to cope with different kinds of emotions. As much as I want to everyday, you can't always be there for them later in life and walk them through every emotion they will have growing up. They will not resent or hate you for this!!
Just ask them at night when they say their little prayers.
Good Luck - It takes time and it is "much harder" on the parents.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hello.  My wife and I have 4 year old twins, boy and girl.  During a year of Daycare they were in the same classroom.  Now in pre-kindergarden (sorry if the terms are wrong, we are from Panama) they were assigned to different classrooms.  Here all the experts says that it is the best because they won´t depend on each other.  For me that it is perfect but after two months, my boy still cries when I drop him off in the classroom.  My daughter cry the first month and still it is hard for her when my wife leaves but at least doesnt cry.  My boy kills me every morning.  I dont know what else to do.  We talk to him, we comfort him, we explain him that we will pick him up after a couple of hours and that we will never leave him alone in school after class, we talk talk and talk.  A child therapist says that it is normal because he got to get used not to be around his sister.  I´m worry because we are starting the third month at school and still we dont see any signal of improvement.  I dont show him disconfort or any weird face (even though i´m dying inside) but still no good results.
Please tell me how your story ended.  i hope you can see my messege.  I know there have been three years since you had this problem but I hope you are still a member of this community.

thanks,

Worrydad2010
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Avatar_f_tn
My child is 6 and a half years old, he has been crying in school since two weeks now, when they starts rehearsing for the school play, and I took him out of the play and he still cries, he says he gets thoughts of being in front of an aquarium and there is a shark..


Helpppppp please
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Avatar_n_tn
DON'T let her make it into a big issue for you. The others are right; just give her a quick kiss and cuddle, smile (even though she's screaming and crying), and wave a happy little goodbye. She'll get the idea that it's no big deal. Listen to the teachers when they tell you she settles down within a couple of minutes. She probably doesn't know why she's doing it, but it's to get your attention and to force you to stay with her. Of course she wants her mommy to stay, who wouldn't at that age? Just remind yourself that this process is really good for her; the confidence and social skills she will gain far far outweigh her 2 minutes of wailing. You have to be strong so that she can have this opportunity. BTW, it took my boy about a year to stop crying when I left him! He LOVED preschool and always looked forward to going, talked in glowing terms about it when I picked him up at the end of the session, and had great reports from the staff there. But every single time I left, he howled! The teachers all told me that he would turn it off like a tap within a minute of me leaving, but the longer I stayed and tried to comfort him, the longer it took him to settle down after.
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Avatar_f_tn
this always work for my 4 year old.  tell your little one say  "if you dont cry for whole week" mommy or daddy will reward you, like... taking them to movie, get a happy meal from mcdonalds, go for ice cream, park that has a water park, beach, chuck e cheese, or even a dollar store. remember reward only on the weekends. hope this help. good luck!
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Avatar_f_tn
Luluweezie is right if you make it no big deal your child will get over it even though it's hard if you give in or worry they notice it and you are just enabling that kind of behavior. I know it's hard but it is the best thing for your child to have you confidently leave them because they will become confident and comfortable there as they see you act that way. It may take even longer now because there is some confusion and trauma but if you stay consistent with a quick kiss and say bye confidently I promise it will stop. Good luck and God bless!
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