4 yr old masterbating(masturbating)

I have a question in regards to my 4-5yr old that that masterbates.  Ever since she started to wear underwear she has done this, but not to this extreme. She will sometimes lie face down with her stuff animal underneath and rub back and forth, one time i think when i was talking to her she was actually having an orgasm because she wouldnt stop.  I was told to let it go and not worry about it and let her know that if she does this she washes her hands before and after and doesnt do it in the presence of people.  I am a single mother and she doesnt see her father at all, so its not like i can spend every waking minuite with her because when i come home she wants to go downstairs to watch TV but when she does its like the TV is what makes her relax and start doing it. I will go down stairs and i know exactly what she is doing. Other times she just plays with it. She calls it picking her vagina.  I tried the "does it feel good when you do that?" and have you seen someone do that? but she just repsonds by ignoring me or telling me that her stuffed animal likes it. My mother told me to tell her its inappropriate which i did, but now i jsut feel confused.  I know that she is doing it because she is bored and needs to be mentally stimulated more. I have even told her she cant watch TV anymore if that is what she is going to.  its just so frustrating.  I have her sometimes with me to help me just so that she wont do it anymore, but even that can be tiring since its just me around.  Any advice would be great thank you.  I dont want her to feel like its wrong but i just am overwelmed by it all and thinking that i am not spending enough time with her and its because of me why she is doing that

[ethansmom]

I don't have a lot of experience on this but I do have an opinion. I would talk it over with the doc @ her nxt wellchild check up. Until then I would probably let her know if she wants to touch herself down there she needs to go to her room to do it. Opinions vary greatly on this issue.Some parents punish and tell there children it's wrong to do...I think it will pass and so long as the obvious abuse issues have been ruled out it is likely a normal respoonce to something that feel good.

[Advise2Parent]

I can not believe this is being discussed,if your child is doing this there a good chance she has seen it being done,so I can only look to a single mom who may have had a little girl peeking in on you late a night when you thought she was asleep.I can only believe that you need to explain more in depth as to why you are doing it,but be careful she is only 4.

[ticked]

First off I dont do it so there would be no way for her to have seen that, and I have been single since i left her father so that is out of the question but thanks for your input.  As for not believe its being discussed maybe you dont have children or maybe your child never did that so please dont offer advice that makes me feel as though I am not doing my job as a mother.

[ticked]

If i knew that i would have gotten a comment from someone like the one you wrote i would never have posted here. Just so that you know, i havent dated in 5 yrs so that she wouldnt see men come in and out of my life. I cant believe your comment you are just low and I really shouldnt care because your opinion is that of an idiot

[royaltea63]

I am not meaning to alarm you or cause any problem/doubt..... Is there anyway she could have been abused as a younger child? i wonder because i myself when i was 3 was abused at nursery school and also used a 'teddy' like she does, in a room where no one could...I was always taken to a private room (and told never to tell anyone)... at the time i never new any different and never knew that i as being harmed.

Hopefully this is not the case!! but it seems very like me and also two other family members who i know were 'touched' a few years ago when they were 3/4

eventually i told my mum ... i was tested and the people were caught and jailed .......

maybe ask the doctor about the chances of this?

[ticked]

That is a legitimate question but I really would have to say no.  Am i 100% positive? who is?  She never sleeps over at anyones house but my moms, and she has been at the daycare since she was 15 months old.  She has been facinated with her vagina since birth really.  I really dont think she has been abused and trust me I am very big on making sure that doesnt happen because it happened to me.  I rarely let her out of my site.  The school is a very good school and i know the teachers. I started having the talk about good and bad touch about  a year ago and i did ask her if she saw this anywhere or if someone has touched her.  She just seems to find comfort in doing it. Its like it relaxes her.  I dont know I am so confused

[cherub28]

Hope this helps, I have a 2 1/2 year old boy who humps. His day care says they have never seen him do it . And I think they do it only cause it feels good. There is nothing sexual about it.It dose not mean they have been abused. He dose it like you said when he is relaxed, & comfortable. It mad me very uncomfortable for a while, but then i talked to my mom. She said we all did it when we were lil. You just have to make her understand that she cant do it around other people. Please dont tell her it bad cause it normal  just not in publick. My son dose it a lot it dose bug me, but I know he grow out of it so I just tell him only at home.
Hope that Advice2parent thoughts on the matter were disregarded
Smile they are just children

[g8r grl]

I have to agree that it is completely normal. For the people who are telling you that she must have been abused or must have seen you at one point: don't you guys remember when you figured out that doing that felt good? Eventually, everyone figures it out...some just earlier than others. I would NEVER tell her that it's bad or punish her for it, that could cause issues that will last well into adulthood (as far as feeling ashamed of herself, etc.). I think the best thing would be to tell her that what she's doing is meant to be private and she needs to go into her room and shut the door...and of course wash her hands when she's done. Tell her she's not in trouble, but it's something that you're not supposed to do in front of others. This might sound crazy...but maybe have her do something so that you know she's in her room doing that? Have her sit a toy or something outside her door, or put a door hanger on the knob so that you know that she doesn't want you to come in. I think it will reinforce the lesson that no one is supposed to watch you do that. Also, it will give you a better idea of exactly how often it's happening...

I know you already know this, but don't punish her or make her feel embarrassed/ashamed. I can specifically remember getting in trouble for the same thing when I was about 4 years old, and now I'm 25 and have never forgotten it. Also, for the record, I was never abused and had never seen anyone doing that before I tried it. I just kind of figured it out by accident.

Hope this helps!

[ticked]

Thank you so much.  That really helps out alot. I really dont want to make her feel like she is doing something wrong.  I did ask her last night why she was doing it and she said i dont know but when i asked her if it was because it relaxes her she said yes.  I think it just calms her down and that is her way. I told her maybe she should try doing something else to relax her like doing a craft or reading or playing on the computer. It seems to be working.  thanks again for your thoughts and opinions they are appreciated

[gracem]

I agree 100% with g8r and the sane advice.   I studied Developmental Psychology in college...  I think this is a very normal self discovery behavior...   Yes it is somewhat sexual because it gives that type of pleasure..... but she is likely not identifing ther behavior as sex....    to her it just feels good and is relaxing and soothing..... Likely why folks enjoy sex.... and sexuallity in HUMAN.    Do not embarrass her but I agree with g8r that you need to teach WHERE it is appropriate.....    (Hey..... we learned that it does not cause Blindness!)   This behavior has been here for a long time.... Your kid is NOT STRANGE......    This is why you can Laugh at the Blindness joke.

If you must get in a position to stop her from doing this in public.... REDIRECT her to a new activity......    and again reinforce where she can do this behavior in private.  I think today EVERYONE wants to assign BLAME and assume Sexual abuse.....    Relax this is likely normal self discovery.    gracem

[stepmother008]

I have a step daughter that is 7 now and in Grade 2. She is materbating at school during class time when the teacher is teaching. She does this about 4 - 5 times a day at school, sometimes less all depends on what is happening in the class that day. Being the step mom, I found if she has had a good sleep, good start to the day she does not always do this. We have tried to tell her that this done at home in the privacy of her own room and not at school. We have brought in the reward system.Her school work is falling behind, we have noticed that when she does not crasp what the teacher is teaching she will start to self sooth herself during class hours. Being the step mom its very difficult for me.She has been taking to the Psychiatrist and they do not know the cause. Can someone give me suggestions on how to help her with this and get her NOT doing this at school, and why she does this. Learning disablitiy, not liking school....



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