I am currnetly dating a 23yr old single mother with a 17month old child. We have been dating for seven months and all this time I have been part of the childs life. The mother was always weary of the danger of me forming a relationship with her child and then leaving; this act could harm the child she says. I have recently been taken out of the childs life due to this (although I think it is too late since me and the child have formed a relationship). I believe that my influence in the childs life is good and adds stability (me and the mother do not fight, I greatly respect her). However, she thinks that if we ever broke up that the child could be traumatized by this (foming an attachment and then losing it). People that I have asked say that they think it is better for the child to have a good male influence in her life than the vacancy of not having a father figure. I was hoping that you could steer me in one direction or the other by expert advice and perhaps you could also cite some sources of further information.
Do you see this relationship ever going past dating?? The reason I ask is because I married a single dad of a 3 year old boy and he had made the mistake of not being careful enough to introduce him to every one of his past girlfriends. He had quite a few between me and the mother of this child. I really think it effected him. He is confused. On the other hand if you see this to be long term and you want to take on the responsibility of someone else's child then I do think its great for you to be in his/her life. I have taken on full reponsibility of my husbands kid plus now I have a newborn. Its not easy. Is her dad around at all? That makes a difference too.
I think if she didnt want to have you in the childs life, you never should have been there from the get-go. you being taken out now has already had an impact on that child i guarantee it. thats really too bad. i think that was a poor choice.
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