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Deeply Disturbing Behavior, at a Loss
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Deeply Disturbing Behavior, at a Loss

This is a long story, so I'll shorten it up as best I can.  I have a 3-1/2 year old girl (susan), I also keep a 7 year old girl (lucy) and a 9 year old boy (bill) after school for a few hours, they are brother and sister and our neighbors who live across the street.  The first incident was last year and my daughter, susan and lucy were playing upstairs with her susan's piggy bank.  They were dumping out the coins, separating them and putting them back in.  A couple of weeks after that, susan was up in her room by herself, doing the same thing when I walked in to see what she was doing.  I sat down and started playing with her and discovered that a $20 bill was missing.  When I asked her what happened to her money, she said lucy took it.  I asked if she was sure and she said she was, then she told me lucy had asked her if she could have it and she told her yes, she could.  The second incident was a couple of months after that.  Susan had gotten a pair of Stompeez for her birthday and being only 3, she couldn't make them open and shut because her feet didn't quite hit the button they hid in the shoe to make it work, so lucy would wear them around all the time, because she could make them work and susan loved it.  They came up missing shortly after that and when I asked susan where they were, she said lucy had taken them.  Now, I had confronted lucy's mom about the missing money and she had asked lucy about it and was told that she hadn't taken susan's money and didn't know anything about it, so as I had no proof, I decided it wasn't worth it and let it go.  Now with the Stompeez missing, I was pretty upset, but instead of saying something to lucy's mom, I confronted lucy myself and she told me that she did take them, that she wore them home but couldn't find them and would return them once she found them.  Days went by and no Stompeez, so I decided to say something to lucy's mom.  She again asked lucy and lucy told her that she didn't have them and never did and when asked why she'd told me she did take them, she said she didn't know.  Months later our nextdoor neighbor came over and had the Stompeez, he said he found them in the back of his car months ago and had just forgotten to get them to us and found them again while cleaning out his car.  So I apologized to lucy and her mom, explained to susan that lying wasn't right and that she shouldn't do that and made her apologize to lucy too.

Fast forward now to 2 days ago.  Susan and I are wrestling around on the couch and she reaches down and puts her hands around my throat and starts to strangle me.  I pushed her off and asked her what she thought she was doing and she said I don't know.  So, I asked where she learned how to do that and she said lucy and benjamin (another neighborhood kid who's mom is my friend and all the kids hang out).  So I said something to benjamin's mom and asked lucy about it and they both denied having showed her anything or told her how to strangle someone.  Susan also has been trying to kiss me on the lips here lately, and not just pecking, like trying to go in for a kiss.  Again, when I asked her who had showed her this, she told me lucy.  Of course when I said something to lucy about this, she denied it all.  A little while later, bill (lucy's brother) came up to me and told me that lucy had told him she had lied to me when I asked her about the kissing and that she had taught susan how to kiss on the lips like people on tv.  I had still not done anything about this yet as I'm not quite sure how to proceed, then we get to fast forward again to tonight, about 2 hours ago.

I'm up there laying with her after putting her down for bed and we're laughing and giggling and having a ball, when she just says, out of the blue, "I'm going to cut you", then she makes a fist like she has a knife and acts like she's cutting my face in half.  Then she says "I'm going to cut you open and tear you apart, then I'm going to cut daddy open and tear him apart, then I'm going to cut our house open and tear it apart"  I was so shocked I nearly choked.  I asked her why she would say such a thing and she said so she could stay at lucy's house by herself without anybody and so she could go to lucy's house whenever she wanted and be alone and so she would never have to drive in the car again without lucy.  I was so struck, I couldn't say anything, I just told her I would still love her even if she cut me up and stood up, tucked her in and kissed her on the head, then went downstairs and told my husband (her daddy).  He went upstairs to talk to her and asked her why she had said that to me and she said that lucy had told her that and that lucy said she should lock us both in our bedroom and never let us out and that lucy kisses her all the time and that lucy and benjamin choke her and hit her sometimes and try to make her say all kinds of things, like cuss words, etc.  Then she started crying and saying she didn't want to do any of those things, that she didn't want to hurt us.

Again, my daughter is only 3-1/2, this is NOT NORMAL, it is not her personality.  She has never said anything like that before and is the sweetest most loving, huggy, happy, outgoing kid I've ever seen.

I just don't know what to do, I don't know who to talk to or what to say if I even did know who to talk to.  My daughter is so confused and so impressionable, I don't want her to be affected by anything one of these kids says or does.

Before I get snarky remarks, I'm not, not watching them.  I don't feel the need to sit on top of my daughter while she's in her playroom with her friends or out in our fenced in backyard on her swingset.  I check up on them and sit with them when I can and play sometimes, but I'm by no means within ear shot all the time the kids are around.  Also, I'm not stupid, I didn't use the kids real names and I know this needs to be addressed, which is why I'm here, to get help on which direction to go in.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and for any replies.
4 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_n_tn
Am so sorry you have to deal with this.  Have you talked to other parents around that the kids play with? If so is the same thing going on? Try talking to Lucy parents. And I would say no more play dates. Hang in there. Saying a prayer for u
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13167_tn?1327197724
I think after falsely  accusing Lucy of stealing the Stompeez,  I wouldn't accuse Lucy of anything again that you didn't witness with your own eyes.  Children,  BTW,  will often admit guilt if they're intimidated by the adult,  just to not be called a liar.  

I think it's VERY possible your daughter created all those things in her mind - the cutting you,  killing you both so she can have freedom to do whatever she wants,  trying to kiss you on the lips,  etc.  They could ALL have come from her own mind with no outside influences.

I've heard kids say the most CALLOUS off handed things about the deaths of family members - and they don't mean it in their hearts.  For example,  if their brother is missing they say well if we don't find him can I have his room then?  

The fact that she fantasizes about you being gone so she could be around Lucy indicates Lucy isn't harming her.  

I really don't think this is abnormal.  If she keeps it up,  and actually TRIES to harm you or continues to say this,  it's a problem.  As it is, she's a bright,  creative girl who says things that aren't true.
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Avatar_f_tn
i think you need to address this, wether your daughter made these things up or not she is your responcibility and you need to put her first. i find it hard to imagine a 3 and 1/2 year old making this up. to say something so aggressive where would she have even learnt something like that. i think you need to talk to the parents and just explain your concerns, if your worried then stop play dates or just make sure your always in the same room as all 3.
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1145691_tn?1291481938
wow, this is really creepy! I would say you need to talk to Lucys Mom, maybe not all the details but that Susan has been saying some really strange things and that your not accusing Lucy but you need to get to the bottom of this straight away!
Think they need to be separated for awhile!
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