Getting a divorce and I have our 3 year old daughter every other week and we switch each Wednesday. This week when I picked her up from day care she wanted her mother. She cried for her a lot. We called her and she kept saying mommy, I want you not Daddy. On top of the divorce this is very upsetting. She hasn't done this before, but just separated since Thanksgiving. Is this normal? How should I handle this if she wants her mother during our time? We both love her very much and are trying to make things as normal as possible. Our daughter is very bright and is aware that things are not the same.
I know this is hard but most children go thru something like this and it will pass. You just need to comfort her and try to distract her with other things like playing a game with her or going to the park. You will want to spoil her to keep her occupied but try not to do that. Just talk with her and tell her she'll see mommy later and try not to make a big deal about it. Don't let her know it is upsetting and she'll get used to it. Be loving and gentle and never get upset with her for crying for her mother. My daughter never lived with her father full time because we seperated when she was a baby but when she did cry for me, her father would get mad and she would get in trouble which really made thing much worse for her. Or he would make her feel guilty for not wanting to see him which made her feel bad and ultimately she would hide it from him which has caused some emotional turmoil for her and then she truly didn't want to be with him. All she wanted was comfort and love, if you supply that, I think your daughter will be fine. I hope this helps. Just remember, her mother is her world right now, but she still loves you and would miss you if you weren't around. Be sure and call her every day when she is with her mother and ask her about her day and make sure you know your daughter, it will help you when you are together. Good luck and take care.
I said "I'd reconsider the divorce, myself." I wasn't judging the original poster, I was saying what I would do. I gave the reason, so the original poster can understand what prompted my remark. Some marriages are so difficult that it is better for a child not to have to witness them. Some marriages can be rescued with wholehearted work. The poster will doubtless run my remark by what he knows and decide if it has any reality for his situation.
I agree with the other comments about not drawing attention to your daughters crying for her mom. And to just be there for her because being there for her is the biggest thing you could ever do. Especially when the parents are divorced the kid will feel alone and confused even when they are smart. Im speaking from personal experience because my parents divorced before I was even able to understand it. My parents did the same thing with the time except we'd switch every friday. Personally I hated switching every week because it was SO hard. I dont think people understand the strain that they put their children through by passing them back and forth like that. Not that the parents are trying to intentionally hurt their kids but it gets really frusterating. I remember switching houses every week and constantly having to readjust to each parents livestyle and rules. And then once I'd get used to one parents house I'd have to go back to the other parents house. Plus it would cause me to get in trouble a lot because each house was different and so whats ok in one house is punishable in the other. Now Im not saying you guys are like that. But if you do continue the every week switch please consider talking to your ex about making your guys' house rules and parenting style as similar as possible. A child isnt allowed to pick who they want to live with until their 12 unless there is a reason like abuse or something drastic like that. So until then just be as supportive as possible because I remember feeling alone cause the divorce drove my dad into a depression and would work all the time. And would buy me nice things but all I really ever wanted was his time not his money. Sorry the response was so long but divorce is a serious thing and doesnt take a minute to explain or understand.
I think this is too hard on the child switching every other week in my opinion is she should be with her mom and visit with dad every other weekend ,parents need to come together and put the child first ...When you say we has the child a step parent ?..
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