HELP!

[g8torgirl1994]

My 5 year old has angry outburst (hitting, kicking, punching, screaming) when told that I will not comply to his sudden demands.  When told no he will continue to scream for his way and when it is not granted the violence begins.  We have attempted time-out, behavior reward charts, spanking, ignoring, clearing his room of toys, taking away activites to no avail.  We are consistent with not giving in when he is demanding or unrealistic and we do do try to offer him alternatives and choices, but the behavior continues. According to his teahcer, he follows directions in class though he is a bit distracted and immature.  I have  a doctor's appointment set for him, but I would like to know some other suggestions.  The behavior seems to be aimed at me.
Thank you,
Lost MOM

[becks715]

That's pretty typical.  It boils down to respect really.  Him not doing it in school means he knows he doesn't get away with it in school but he feels he gets away with it with you.

He is testing you - I'm glad you are being consistant keep at it, pick ONE form of discipline to deal with this particular problem and stick to it hard core.  He will scream louder and louder the more he knows he's losing his control.  

If the forms you've tried are not working I would suggest taking away ALL priviledges and he has to earn them back one by one.  It's going to take some extra tough love if nothing else seems to be working.  

You say "we" have tried everything, I'm assuming you mean your hubby/sig other - does he tend to handle it mostly with you chyming in?  If so, then you need to take over the majority of it as he is directing it mostly at you.  

There is something that your son loves more than anything, that's what you need to use and DON"T GIVE it back right away - that just teaches him he can react badly, lose it, and get it back with no cause for worry he needs to really lose it for some time and do a few good things to earn it back.  

I'm sorry you feel helpless - please stick too it don't give in.  

[g8torgirl1994]

Thank you!  The we refers to myself and my husband; not my son's father.  I do most of the discipline with my husband's support.  My son's father claims that he does not act this way with him, though my 8 year old daughter states otherwise.  I only wish I new how to reason with him because he is a wonderful little boy, but this behaivor scares me.  If I cannot control it now, how will it be when he is older.

[becks715]

You can't reason with a 5 year old if he's not willing - from his behaviour he isn't right now.  I'm sure he does act that way with dad but dad is probably ignoring it and chalking it up to "boys will be boys" and all that ****.

If you stick firmly it will improve.  And you're right it will only get worse as he gets older.  Don't let it scare you at this point you ARE still in control and can curb what's happening.  Be empowered and don't let anything slip.  

It can be difficult for blended families and it can make the problems persist longer when they are going between two different households and 2 sets of rules.  Really at this point you need only worry about his behaviour when with you.  That's all you can really control and shape.  Hang in there :)  Keep in good communication with his teachers and see if anything starts happening at school.  And how they deal with it.