lastnight I walked in my 5 yr room and caught her naked inbed with her 7 yr old friend. I was in total shock and may have over reacted. after I calmed down I question each girl seprately. my step daughter tells me that it was the other girls idea and that they both took turns getting on top front and back side and that the 7 yr old is always wanting to do this and is always grabbing her in her privates and kissing her on the lips. and I also asked my daughter if anyone has wver touched her like that before and she says no. Its scary to me cause I just had the talk with her the night before! I had asked her if she has ever seen this type of behavior before and the only thing she tells me is froma movie that her biolgical mom let her watch. I asked the same questions of the 7 yr old and she first was putting all the blame on my child, i then told her to tell the truth that she was not in trouble that I just want to know what was goin on and to help them if someone was hurting them. she then tells me that guys touch her down there, then she says they dont, then she says she seen her sister and my older daughter doing that, then she tells me that wasnt true, then she tells me she saw her parents doing it, but adds they had their clothes on. she finally admitted that she is always asking my daughter to do this type of stuff and kisses her and touches her down there.I know children have curiosity but I think this is way beyond curiosity! this morning I asked the 7 yr old again if anyone touches her there and she said no but had the look of im scared to say yes, so I told her that she wont be in trouble that we want to tell that person to stop, i didnt want to tell her that the person doing it would be in trouble, because if it is someone close to her of course she wont want to see them in trouble, she finally told me yes someone has messed with her before , but she will not give me a name. I dont know what to do or think . she has given me so many different stories so I dont know what to think. I know the 7 yr old is always asking my daughter to go with her to the bathroom when she has to go and we have addressed that with our daughter that you dont do that. I have never seen any type of sexaul curiosity or behavior from my 5 year old and im a stay at home mom so im here all the time. I also questioned my daughter about not telling me when she was touched in her privates after i just had the talk with her the night before, she told me that the 7yr girl told her not to tell. should I be concearned that the 7yr old is being sexually abused?
I think the best thing is to take both kids for separate evaluations by a physiologist.
The same thing happened to my son (3 at the time) and a female friend (5 at the time). She has kissed him on his private parts and tried to kiss him with tong.
I rushed him off to have an assessment done and it came out that the little girl had initiated it and had asked him not to tell.
You must remember that some kids are too scared to tell their parents things, so taking them to an outside situation and someone else to talk to does help. The parents of the girl that did this to my son, have been in denial and refused to believe that their little girl could do this. But the whole point is trying to find out were she learnt it from, could it could be anybody outside of her home life that has taught her these things.
Play therapy is the best for the kids and all sorts of things will come out; if the therapist feels that continuous sessions are needed then take them. The last thing you want is for your little girl to now as her other friends to do the same to her and this just causes a viscous cycle.
Needless to say, my friendship ended with that family, because I was too scared to have my son near their daughter. It is not the child’s fault, but the parent’s faults because they were too naive to see something was wrong.
I agree with the previous poster, although I wonder how you would be able to get an evaluation done on the 7 year old without involving her parents? You'll need to speak to them first - and hopefully they'll be open to a third party's assessment. I can't imagine why they would be resistant - unless they themselves are involved in any abuse or are attempting to protect someone who is.
I've never had to deal with this type of situation myself, but I believe that we as adults have the responsibility to protect the children entrusted to our care, whether permanently (our own children or step kids) or on a temporary basis (as in a friend's child who is visiting) - and that includes taking any red flags/worrisome actions or words seriously.
Good luck - I can imagine that this is not a comfortable situation to be in at all!!!
A simple answer to your question, yes, it does sound like the 7 year old has been sexually abused. Very sad. Child on child molestation is not uncommon after a little one was abused. I want to say that you seem to have an open heart here just by asking that question. The 7 year old has had something done to her that deserves concern and empathy. Unfortunately, now she has done the same to your daughter.
I would say that I do agree that these two and other kids kids that come to your home should not be allowed in bedrooms. If that is where you keep toys, move them out for the play date to a room in which you are able to moniter. It is really hard, but a good rule to follow. Your daughter is now vulnerable to others and other kids are now vulnerable to her.
It is a sticky situation when something like this happens. You do not want to go over and over it and solidify in your daugher's head something horrible has happened to her. And to her, at this point, it is play and not unpleasurable. I'm sure that doesn't give you comfort.
I would go ahead and set up an appointment with a child clinical psychologist. To date, it doesn't sound like you are noticing your daughter exhibiting anxiety. To her this was play. She can learn that it is not the kind of play that is allowed (like anything else you do not allow in your home)-------- but if you make it evil, bad, and all---------- I think it will then have further negative repercussions. You did the right thing by telling your daughter to always tell you if someone touches her. And I think having a professional guide you through further investigation and where to go from here in terms of helping your daughter move past it would be very valuable.
I think you need to approach the other parents. What happens from there is their business. You take care of your child. That is all you can do. If you tell the parents and suspect something is out of order, then you may report it. And it is probably true that it would be difficult to continue play dates with this girl. You must protect your kid first and unfortunately, the 7 year old is not safe at this time for play dates. Very sad.
But remember, a child that does this to another has most likely had something done to them. It is a viscious cycle and very sad. good luck and peace
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