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My 3 year old anger issues
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My 3 year old anger issues

Ok so this is not so miuch of a question more of a what more can I do My 3 year old dauughter has always been hard to handle she throws fits on a daily basis she has hit me as well as other children.
I am a stay at home mom and always have been but it has gotten so bad somedays i really just dont feel like being around her as horrible as that sounds .

She will go into a fit over anything hearing no seems to be the worst the fits usually last a good 30 mins or longer and trying to get her to calm down is horrible ive tried time outs she will not stay in the corner/bedroom/etc wherever she is put and if she will stay it just to scream her head off and tell me off really she will tell me to shut up go away or on the way to time out hit and kick me the whole way there

Just as im writeing this she is screaming about how she will not eat lunch but is demanding snacks instead of food so im trying hard to ignore her and hope the fit dies down itself .

With other children she is horrible 1 minute shes playing nice and the next is hitting or yelling it is hard to cope with when its your child that really is the bully on several occasions she has made another child bleed by biteing or hitting with a toy I seem to be watching her 24/7 but the second i blink something has happend.

I have talked to doctors of hers and they do agree she needs some sort of help more then just me or her father can do and they sujest therapy but at only 3 that seems nuts to me though i think I am going to try I dont know what else to do.

I do as a parent set limits I just cant take this anymore I cant enjoy her as a child I spend more time trying to stop what shes doing then I do trying to have fun with her when she is nice the mean has now out done the nice cause she is mean more then nice .

I have tried spanking....talking......reawrding for the good things she does..at the moment half her things are taken from her includeing her bedroom door nothing is working I truely have no clue what to do.

Theres just so much I could write a book At bedtime there is no set bedtime i try and try but nothing seems to work she doesnt take naps and wakes up early but yet will fight sleep till midnight or later so bedtime is not even pleasant just argueing till she finally gives up and falls asleep

I hope someone on here understands what I am going through and will have some sort of advice . Anything would be great
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Young children need to experience consequences for behavior.  They need to receive praise/rewards for positive and appropriate behavior.  Hugs and verbal praise i.e. "Wow, you did a great job playing with Amy".  They need to experience negative consequences when they display negative and inappropriate behavior i.e. time-out for hitting, yelling and tantruming.  A time out for a three year old should last 3 minutes, one minute for each year old the child is.   Its important for parents and care givers to IGNORE the bulk of inappropriate and negative behavior.  Behavior that should be ignored: whining, verbal demands.  When whining esclates into yelling, hitting or tantruming the child should be consequences with a time-out.  It is necessary to be very CONSISTENT with consequences for both positive and negative behavior.  If parents and care givers are CONSISTENT you will likely see improvements in the child's overall behavior.  I have experience in this area because I have a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter.  I have watched my children mature and develop well by having a set routine in our home, working with them to met their developemental milestones and helping them to learn appropriate positive behavior.  Naturally, they are not perfect and we have frustrating times but there is alot more peace and joy than difficulties.

It is known that spanking and other forms of physical punishement is not effective to modify a child's behavior.  Parenting is a tough job and often times, we parents experience difficulties with our children that we didn't bargain for.  Its necessary for parents to act as responsible adults and set up healthy routines for our children as well as rules, boundries and expectations for behavior.  When we do this with our young children, we are helping them to grow and develop into sucessful children who will become healthy and succesful adults.  An excellent book to help you with common behavior difficulties is "SOS: Help for parents by psychologist Dr. Lynn Clark.  I am a clinical social worker who uses this book and would recommend it to any parent.  Dr. Kennedy, child psychologist on the moderated Child Behavior Health forum also recommends it.  Do not give up on your child, you can help her have more positive and appropriate behavior.  If you are continuing to struggle, and are experiencing high levels of frustration, anxiety and or anger it would be prudent to get a referral from your family doctor/pediatarician for a child behavioral specialist i.e. psychologist, clinical social worker to evaluate your daughter and to support you in better managing her behavior.  Best wishes...
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Yes I have a referral from her doctor for her to start seeing a psychologist I just wish there was more options then that I have read the books 123 magic and nanny 911 and a few other as the doctor said I should but nothing no routine seems to fit her we will stick with them as long as we can then its time to try something new and nothing is working spanking didnt work at the least since her problem is anger its more of a thing if i spank her then she thinks its ok to hit I really really would love to give up but I know i cant .
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Nikkii281,  Do you have any ideas or opionions as to why your daughter may be displaying these behavioral difficulties?  Is there an issue or issues in her history or the family history that may be causing or contributing to her behavior disturbances?

The information that I provided in my original post regarding setting up healthy routines and a firm and consistent plan to deal with behavior is necessary for ALL children to develop in a healthy fashion.  Though each child and each family are different, the needs of a young child are universally the same.  Children need to have caregivers that in most instance place the child's need above their own, the child needs to recieve unconditional love, especially when the child's behavior is not perfect.  At the same time a child must learn that there are consequences for all behavior good and bad.  

Routines need to be tailored to some extent to family life-styles but all children need to wake at a regular time, eat meals at a fairly regular time, go to bed at a regular time.  Young children thrive on routine, as old-fashioned as it may sound, it is necessary for them to develop to their fullest potential and to feel safe and secure.  Parents/caregivers should'nt be switching routines around, just find a common sense routine that works for your family and STICK TO IT.  

If you truly would "love to give up" on your precious daughter, then she DESERVES to be in the care of someone who is willing to do whatever necessary to help her develop to her fullest potential, who puts her needs above their own.    I will not apologize in anyway for the strength of my statements.  I wish you the best...
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