Parenting Toddlers (1-5) Community
My 3 year old runs the house and I don't know what to do
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting toddlers (age 1-5), including physical, speech, sensory, cognitive and emotional development, choosing a daycare/nanny, games & activities, and toilet training.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

My 3 year old runs the house and I don't know what to do

As of recently I realized my daughter is completely out of control. And it has a lot to do with my parenting. I am one of those annoying parents who eventually give in to my daughters pleAding and screaming for literally 30 minutes. It has gotten impossible to actually enjoy my time with her because when I say no she will throw a tantrum until I give her what she wants. That could be 20 minutes that could be an hour. I try to hold my ground but she is very persistent and it is affecting our relationship because I find myself always yelling and she is always getting her way. This of course started happening in the terrible twos but it gets worse everyday. I'm a single mom and I try to be more disciplinary but when I am working my mother watches her and of course is less disciplinary than I am. She is always giving her what she wants. I am at my breaking point. I just don't know what to do. Today Bailee was scheduled to have a play date with a close friend of mines kids. I told her she needed to take a small nap ( which she has also seemed to weasel out of her regular schedule since her learning how to crawl out of the crib). She of course threw a 30 minute long tantrum screaming bloody murder. She would not lay down. She kicked the wall. She kicked me. Time outs don't work at all either. So it is really like there's nothing I can do. I would love for super nanny to fly down and help me. I am not exaggerating when I say my daughter is totally in charge of everyone. My mom, my moms boyfriend, my brother, me. No one can control her. PLEASE HELP!
5 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Hello I just wanted to say you are not alone many parents are going threw the same things myself included. So I just want to encourage you to stay strong in this fight and mean what you say. It may seem like the worst thing to her own good. I also think it would be a idea to have other parents or someone close to you that has children and teaching some of the things you would like her to learn. In my years of working with young children they pick up things from each other and listen better sometimes from other people . I wish you the best and stay strong it will get better.
Blank
136956_tn?1363091289
Oh this little spirited child sounds like my daughter LOL.

She is now 10 yrs old and I was a single mother for 7 yrs. I know your pain and what you are going through.

One thing I suggest is the follow through I cant express that enough.

For example. She needs to know that her behavior is unacceptable and that it wont be tolerated. So does she get excited about play dates? Certain toys etc? If so take those away and tell her why you are doing them.

Trust me I get the time outs and the naps. My daughter would not do them. I struggled day in and day out in tears because my child just would have no part in it.

I would threaten and never follow through. The time outs would turn in to a nightmare and trust me I watched that show, I needed the nanny 911. To this day I have a child that still cries on a dime, still is persistent and needy as well as whiny. however I have learned more patience because I had to understand why she was behaving the way she was.

Nap time??? Consider it done. My Daughter stopped napping before 2 no matter how long the daycare or I tried to get her to sleep it wasnt happening and the fight wasnt worth my energy. So I cut the nap out and no matter if she was whiny or not I would carry on with my day. It was hard because I was tired too. I was exhausted and I just wanted her to sleep already. The faster I learned that it wasn't going to happen and stopped fighting it, is when things started to get better. I stopped living around her nap hour and continued doing what needed to be done.

I really wish I could give you advice because I really feel your pain. I feel like I can't even remember those times of my life because of how stressful they were with her.  Best thing I can say is be stern, not angry, try to keep your cool even though I knowwwww its hard to. Be consistent and get every one to do the same thing.

Time outs, get down on her level put her in a chair in a certain area and tell her she needs to stay there. Do a min per age, so 2 mins for her. Don't expect longer and if she moves bring her back there and the time starts over. Once she completes the 2 mins talk to her about how she was behaving and it will not be accepted and that you are proud of her for sitting on the time out and thinking about what she did. Let her continue on with play without talking about it or mentioning it. Set rules. Like " don't interupt when mommy is on the phone wait until I am done" etc.

Trust me on one thing though.  Nap time is over.,.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Well this must be a very hard thing for you to under go I know that persistence is your key and that's all it takes with so many individuals involved this is going to be difficult but here's some light kids who have divorced parents develope quickly a switch in there mind when I'm with mommy this is how it is and when I'm with daddy this is how he is . now that's going to be what you need to do before anything what mommy says an does is how it will be verses nana and how she is .
when u come home from work be very excited to see her and so on expressing MOMMY is home this will set the wheels in motion for the changing behaviour . then when she begins the tantrums YOU are the soul disciplinary .Ask them to let you do this no one needs to help you
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
No matter how much screaming there is you can't give in until she gives into you it can be as simple as her screaming sorry at you while in time out.then you reward her apology with affection nothing else .and yes as awful as it sounds this is going to be for every tantrum . it will take a week for this to really work you have to stick to it but after she understands what's really going on your family will start catching on and follow your example
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I lived with family and this is the only way my five year-old learned that I'm not nana or uncle I'm mommy and that's that . the rest of the family were so d relieved when I came home from his screaming and fits they began doing the same things I did and now he is top of his class for manners and respect. with 5 people in my house always handing him whatever he wished for it was utter hell with everything we did up until I saw a therapist. .
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Parenting Toddlers (1-5) Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Cannabis Article from NORTH Mag...
Jul 20 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
3 Reasons Why You are Still Binge E...
Jul 14 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating: What Your Closet ...
Jul 09 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank