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My three year old boy?
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My three year old boy?

My three year old son has been behaving really aggressive. He is pushing his 22 month little brother around and even tells us that his intention is to hurt him. Example: Today the sitter called me at work because he pushed a one year old little girl in the daycare and while sitting in timeout he told the sitter that he was going to push his little brother because he wanted to hurt him. I talked to him on the phone and he point blank said "dad I want to hurt my brother", I asked why and he just kept saying "because I want to". This really scares my wife and I and dont know how to handle it. He has great communication skills and our sitter as well as a neighbor of the sitter recommend we have him tested because they feel hes "gifted".  The neighbor has a little boy that was tested and hes was considered "gifted" and the she said the our son has a lot of the same behavior. He is in home daycare where hes the oldest of four and hes been asking to go to a school environment for the last few months and constantly states that he does not like it where hes at.  Recently the sitter informed us that we are going to have to look at a different place for him because of his behavior but we are scared that he will be kicked out of other schools/dayscares. FYI: He and his brother are together 24/7! Please let us know what you recommend? Thank very much...
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I wouldn't like to be with my sibling 24/7 either - that = no one on one time really.

If he is a good communicator then the approach to the communication should change.  Don't just ask him because that's not getting you anything.  Ask him something like "are you mad at your brother?"  and if so "is it because you think he gets more attention?" or something to that effect, direct your questions for specifically, gifted or not the thought of answering something as simple to us as why is difficult for a 3 year old often you will get the "because" response.

He is also the oldest in the daycare setting - he probably feels he has or should have more control over things - he needs different activities than a smaller toddler, ecspecially if he is smart.

He said it himself he isn't happy there.  I would suggest 1. putting him somewhere else but leaving his brother in the daycare he's in.  That will foster a bit more independence and make him aware that it isn't always him and his brother - sometimes it's just him.

and 2. Plan one on one activities with him, that he gets to just spend time with dad or mom.  Something fun and reward him when he does behave well.

The rivarly siblings feel is not a reflection of you per say.  It's a natural thing and he really is reaching out for something more.  Be consistant with discipline, do not tolerate him being physically violent with his brother or any other child - time out, loss of priveldges and make him earn things back with good behaviour.  and act on it 100% of the time when it is intentional.

Encourage him to use his words not his fists - ie you have to say "no, stop, I'm angry" instead of hitting and that it is ok to be mad and sad but it is not ok to hit.  I'm sure he understands the concept but he feels he is getting more out of acting out than behaving so that's up to you and your wife AND the babysitter to correct.

talk with the sitter and come up with a plan of attack be united, she may not be his parent but it is always good for children to learn they must respect any adult not just mom and dad, giving her some input and control in the situation will show the united front.  
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you for your input. It's greatly appreciated. Although what do you suggest in regards to a new environment?  Montessori, regualar daycare, etc.?  Hes not a bad in regards to screaming and being out of control it's just that he does speak his mind and has gotten violent/physical with other kids.  So we want to see what your professional recommendation is.  Also your thought on the "gifted" idea.  Should we have him tested?  Would that give us a better understanding or help?  I sincerely thank you for you help.

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Avatar_n_tn
I'm not a doctor - I just have worked with children for the past 6 years as well as having a degree in psychology and having a mother who is a retired gr 1 teacher and a sister who is an E.C.E.  (Plus about 15 cousins all younger than me!).

If the teacher feels he is "gifted" why not test him - won't harm him and then you would be able to better determine where he needs to go.  I think montesori schools are a fabulous thing but they are not the right thing for every child.  But then again regular daycare does wonders for socialization and vocabulary building and all the simple concepts, listening, sharing, etc.  So really it's going to depend on him and I don't really know your son.  I would get him tested and find out.  And then when you do I would talk to the peditriction/child psyhcologist to get a real professional opinon on where he should go.  

Good luck! :)
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