Really I could list them endlessly but it's all up to what works the best for your family. I was an only child and I swore my children would not be, because I was always isolated and lonely as a little one and I never had anyone to share my family problems with....I will never have that one person that's always my partner, you know?
so we have two children (a 2 1/2 year old and an 8-month old) and we plan on having at least one more....because, to us, it means companionship and friendship for life. Even if they aren't the best of friends, there's always going to be someone who remembers being where you were..there will always be someone to share your childhood and your memories with, and when my husband and I pass away there will be someone to share feelings and grief with and they won't be suddenly alone in the world.
but the pro of being an only child means that your parents funds and attention are all focused on you...there's no splitting. there's no jealousy or one-ups-manship.....
if you are considering adding to your family, I would just sit and honestly consider WHY you want more children....is your child the sort that would enjoy having a sibling? some are, some aren't. can your finances handle being split two ways? three ways?
it's a very difficult decision to choose whether to add another child or not, when my daughter was born I thought "well maybe we'll only have one after all"...she was my princess and I wondered how I could ever share my attention or love...but when we decided to have another one I worried and worried until the moment I was holding him in my arms, then suddenly I knew it was right that we had added to our family...and I knew it was perfect for us.
I too am an only child. I have lots of cousins I am really close to and was a pretty social kid, so I never really thought to much about it growing up. As an adult however, I really wish I had a sibling. My parents are aging and although I am happily married with my own child, I feel I am missing that 100% blood connection..I don't know if that makes any sense. I would very much like to give my son a brother or sister, but am beginning to believe that probably won't be the case. My other fear is similar to Ashlens, except that we had our son older..we were 40 when he was born, and I worry that if something happens to us while he is young he won't have anyone. I mean, we have both provided for him and ensured he has loving guardians, but I worry about no brother or sister.
My husband has one brother and they are not overly close. They are better now as adults, but did not get along at all growing up. So for him our son being an only child is not as big an issue as it is for me.
There are pro's and con's to both. Good luck on your decision.
The thing to keep in mind is that some families with lots of siblings are not close. My husband says he never got much out of having sisters and still does not, though at least they do see each other occasionally. It really has to do more with your image of what a family is, than anything else. You can't make the decision for the child, he or she will decide how he likes a sibling. You might read some of the books on only children and siblings -- I read "Siblings Without Rivalry" when I was trying to make this decision, and it's clear that siblings do fight. LOL
Thank you all so much for your input. I still have no idea what to do. We have a 3 1/2 year old. In the last year we have had three unrelated failed pregnancies. I always thought I wanted to have a total of 2 children. Now Im not so sure. I dont know that I want to go through another pregnancy for it to potentially fail again. I love our life how it is and I may be starting to realize that maybe we should just have one. I was an only child and for the most part I loved it. Thanks for your ponit of views!
I understand. I am going through exactly the same thing myself. I had several failed pregnancies before having my son, and have had another since then. I am questioning now whether I want to keep trying (although for now I am), and even more so, questioning why it is so important to me. I always had that image in my head of 2 children and have to wonder if it's that image I am holding onto, or the reality if that makes any sense. I really do understand your struggle. I wish you well.
I can totally relate to what AnnieBrooke said (well, what her husband said): my husband is one of 5 kids but the only boy....and he tells me that he NEVER felt close to his sisters, always kind of did his own thing by virtue of being a different gender. To this day, they all get along....but his sisters are definitely closer with each other than they are with him.
You need to do what's best for your family. We considered just having one child....but ended up deciding to try for another - and now we have two beautiful boys (ages 4.5 and 14 months). Ultimately, we decided that we didn't want for our oldest to be an only child, we wanted him to have someone other than us to talk to and connect with in our immediate family.
Having more than one child does complicate things and adds to household expenses....but it was the right choice for us.
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