Parenting Toddlers (1-5) Community
Too over protective?
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Too over protective?

My son is almost two and I never leave him. Ive been this protective since he was born and have only left him with two of my family members while I either went to an appt or when I used to work. I drove his father away because I was scared to let him keep him by himself. I almost lost my son in a tornado and I'm not sure if that made me more protective or if it is normal to constantly worry about your kids. I'm pregnant with my second and I don't want to be like this again. Any advice?
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377493_tn?1356505749
I can tell you that I can relate.  My son is almost 3 and is a miracle baby for us.  I lost 5 through miscarriage prior to having him.  I am telling you this because going through something like this, or a near loss of your living child as you experienced, can trigger extreme anxiety around the safety and well being of our children.

It is normal to worry about our children and want to do everything in our power to protect them.  That is a natural mom instinct.  However, when that overprotectiveness becomes crippling (and it did for me too), it is time to seek help.  It sounds like you are at that point.  I was diagnosed with post partum depression, manifesting itself in anxiety.  In other words, I have extreme anxiety all centered around my child.  I was on medication for quite some time, and although that is no longer necessary, I do continue to get therapy.  

One of the best gifts we can give our children is a healthy parent.  In addition to that, we want to do our best to raise them to be independent, and not be terrified of the world.  When we smother them with overprotectiveness, we cannot do that, and we instill that fear in them.  Please reach out for help.  There is no shame in it, and your child will benefit as will you.  I am so very glad I did.  Take care and I wish you all the best.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you very much, I know I have severe anxiety and my doctor just hasn't wanted to give me anything since I am pregnant. I try to make sure my son knows independence and he is very independent considering he has a mom who is around 24/7. But I definitely feel like it has reached the time to get some help for my anxiety.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi, I agree that anxiety seems to play a real role here.  I would also say that most child experts would say that it is detrimental to actually be over protective like this to the child.  They need to be allowed to grow and mature and that includes stepping AWAY from mom.  That fact helped me realize I needed to let go.  

I would consider forcing the issue with yourself a bit.  If there is someone like your mother or sister or your mother in law or the father of the child, I'd schedule a two hour period on perhaps a saturday afternoon and leave him.  It is just a quick step away.  I'd also think at his age, that it is time to begin thinking of a preschool situation.  My sons both went to preschool and absolutely loved it.  I was/am a stay at home mom too and being a mother means SO much to me.  I'm very close to my boys but the suggestion was made to me that my kids would like preschool and it was a good suggestion.  My oldest went for one half day a week at age 2.8 and my second child went for two half days a week starting at age 3.  

Anyway, it's hard.  We do the very best we can and letting go is part of that at some point.  If the anxiety makes that so uncomfortable for you that you almost can't do it, then definately seek help for the anxiety.  good luck
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Avatar_f_tn
I used to go out one night a week with my friends and it seems it just got harder, I'm always running over the what ifs in my head. My family thinks because of how out of control of the situation with the tornado I was that is what has set off all these high protective feelings. I always take him around his cousins and out to places where he can meet and play with other children. Preschool never crossed my mind but I do remember my parents sending me at a young age and I went till kindergarten, I will have to look into some around here. Thank you.
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