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Very difficult (almost)3 year old.. Normal or not?
Hi, my son will be 3 at the end of December and has been enrolled in a preschool program since mid September .. His teacher wants me to get him
Evaluated and I went today to observe him. He is very defiant and doesn't listen.. Very aggressive and loud. He will
Step on toys instead of putting them away and even hit a girl with a block and was blowing in children's faces. Laughing the entire time. He. Threw himself
On the floor several times . I was so embarrassed I pulled
Him out early and left in tears. I see many of these behaviors at home ( not as intense though) and try redirecting or time outs . He is very verbal and get frustrated easily . And sometimes will
Scream ( for no particular reason except
He is excited or happy or frustrated ) he is the oldest in the class but acts like the youngest . He jusT WONT LISTEN. We talk about what it means to listens and when he does ( once in a blue moon) listen he says "I listened !" So I think he gets it to a point. I'm also a single mom and this is beyond stressful . Pleas help!! I don't want my child to be excluded and feared!!!


Thank you,
Stressed out single mom
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3 Answers
3 Answers
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13167 tn?1327197724
I think he needs to be evaluated,  too.  There may be things you can be doing from a parenting standpoint,  but an evaluation by a good OT will give you a sense of whether your son has any learning difficulties or possible behavior disorders.  Being rowdy,  and tantrumming when frustrated are expected behaviors in 2 year old boys,  but it sounds like your son is outside of typical.

Best wishes.  It's HARD to go in and get an evaluation,  but I would bet you'll learn a lot and will be given tools to help.  He's only 2.  
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Avatar universal
Well, I just typed out a fabulous tip sheet but my internet stopped working.

I do not believe your son needs to be evaluated. What does that even mean? You son is still very young and still working on being who he wants to be. I am a young mother and I believe in working till I find a solution, do not let someone give their feedback on your child when it comes to doing what your not even sure he or she needs.

My daughter is 3, she is the sweetest girl you thought you could ever meet. She is passionate about her dad and I, her family and of course her toys. She is fun and always well-mannered. When she got to 2 - 2 1/2 we saw changes in her and I really did not know if I could manage her defiance, my career and my other children. I knew I had to find a way because there was no other way. I would lay awake at night and wonder what would make her happy 24/7? She started yelling at us saying, "No!" "I don't care", "I don't care about you." "Go away"  Things that take you back a step or two because you wonder where she got all these hateful words from. But, that is just a toddler in a nutshell. Fun, difficult, defiant, messy & hungry.. Sometimes stinky.. lol They do not have the skills to understand why we say what we say.. The knowledge is just not there. For example, children lie.. They are not born knowing how to lie or taught! That is just something that children do, I believe it is some type of fear mechanism.

I know you do not want your child hurling objects across the room but every child is different, taught different. Some kids are nice and sweet, some are loud and some you just do not even know how their parents aren't medicated. But that is what makes your situation special.. Your child is unique and may cause you frustration but nothing is wrong with him. He is also a boy, rough, plays dirty.. He is totally fine.. My daughter has had fits and thrown herself down crying and I just tell her, "Ill be here waiting for you when your done." And ill just wait.. I have had moments where I just do not have the time and I just want to go home and I ask her what the problem is, why is she crying. Usually with jokes I can stop the meltdown but I do not see a reason to snatch my kids up and leave.. Not saying you do but some parents just do not deal with fits. My dad never delt with them well. We learned quick!

Anyway, what is his home like life? Quite, fun, structured or day by day parenting? Kids need a little of all to have a formulation on life.

Meal times? Are they on a schedule or remotely similar day to day? Does everyone eat together or everyone eats when they can? I really believe all families should eat together any chance they get to improve on communication skills and feel "one"

Does he play by himself most of the time, sometimes or all of the time? Children who play alone tend to be more reserved or even destructive. It really depends on the child. If he is playing with himself most of the time or all of the time I would suggest you play with him and talk to him, see what his thoughts are. At age 2, he should know his colors and ABC's BUT those have to be taught to him- and should if he is in daycare. I rarely had time to play with the kids between work and meals and just wanting to rest. But when my daughter started to act out, I made time to sit down with her and show her how to play nice, she is bright and she learns quickly and I spent so much time working that I did not even know she knew all the things she did. I really feel like my disconnect caused a lot of the trouble she had with communication and listening- following directions were hit or miss. It just depends on who was giving the instructions.

Do you guys have a schedule? A lot of that has to do with the type of environment you work in. I was in retail management and my schedule was all over the place. We had NO schedule and it was lay down when your tired because I did not want to fight with the kids but I soon realized my kids were not getting enough sleep and this was effecting school and how my kids were conducting themselves during the day. WE are now on a schedule that does not vary day to day anymore. Weekends are lax but Monday to Friday we do the same thing. My kids feel more secure and not rushed. I have seen an improvement and I would highly suggest a schedule if you do not have one.

Reading!!! This helps in so many ways. Have your son tell the story! Obviously he cannot read but he knows the pictures. I tell my kids story I made up and I add them in there as a part of the story. There are proven statistics that reading raises the confidence in children.

Arts and crafts.. Legos, building blocks, games that require dexterity. The options are endless. You can do it!
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961574 tn?1449149056
Try researching high spirited children.  You might find some tips there.  
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