Parenting Young Adults (18-26) Community
My nephew with confusing issues
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting young adults (age 18-26), including physical, emotional, and cognitive development, handling peer pressure, activities & sports, living away at college, and relationships.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank

My nephew with confusing issues

Hi, my nephew is 21 years of age. He started with anger problems at a very young age, breaking the toilet and such. My brother, his moms brother (she my sister) also had problems most of his life and was eventually diagnosed with scitzofrenzia and killed himself at 21 from hearing voices.
Through my nephews life the question was allways discussed as to weather he was like my brother and was he developing the same disorder. These discussions were overheard by my nephew often.

To make a long story short, my nephew could not go to public or private school do to being shy and was home schooled as my sister is also a teacher. Since 14 he has been fighting with all family members and has been kicked out of any home that as taken him in. The reasons are is is lazy and smells up the room (but has great hygene, constantly looking in the mirror to see how handsom he is) is he handsom and has done some modeling.
He wont pick up anything or help around the house. I had him with me last year and also kicked him out. If your around him for more than a week, you want to either jump off a bridge or throw him off the bridge. For the last 2 years he left home and has been living out of state in his own apt. Everything was paid for by his parents including cell phone, car insurance, i mean everything. In part to keep him away from coming back to their home as was threating the rest of the family. All they asked of him was to get a job and hold on to it to pay for part of his food. He got one job for 2 weeks and got fired for making racial comments and never got another one since. 2 years no work living off his parents. he can become extremly violent or very loving. They stopped sending him money and now his back home creating big time disburbance problems

My sister has had him see many doctors and has been on different meds to help him. They want him now to go to a mental hospital and get more meds and get put on disabiltiy.

I am an educated person and what i see is that if you just send him money and dont ask him to do anything, he would be completely content texing friends and playing his guitar and sending birthcards to everyone.

What do you read in all of this?
Blank
1699033_tn?1405352675
Honestly Life360, this is a hard one because I'm not entirely sure that he isn't suffering from some mental disorder.  I am going on the assumption that he has never carried through with the threats of any form of physical harm.  That he hasn't assaulted any family member.  If this is indeed the case, then I think your parents need to take the hard road with him.  They can't keep enabling him.  He needs to take responsibility for his life and go out and get a job and show that he can support himself.  When my sister's son dropped out of college they told him that he had to get a job, finish his degree online which they would refund only if he got a B or better and if he didn't like that they would help him find the nearest homeless shelter.  It seems cruel but my nephew got a job and finished his degree and never saw the inside of a homeless shelter.  But in the end, the choice was his because they were not putting up with this crap any longer.  

It also seems to me that he doesn't seem to have much self-esteem especially if he is starting to copy what you are saying.  Almost like he doesn't have an identity of his own.  He could definitely use some more psychological help I believe.  Again, they need to take the hard road and tell him what is going to happen and what the consequences are going to be if he doesn't go along.  If they truly feel threatened, then they would have to take out a restraining order against him.  But nobody is doing him any favors by letting him get his way and not take any responsibility for himself and his actions.  

5 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
1699033_tn?1405352675
Just for a little more background you said he saw many doctors and was or is on meds. What was his diagnosis? Bipolar, oppositional defiant disorder or some other mental disorder such as schitzophrenia?  When you say threaten the family what do you mean exactly?  Did he get his high school diploma or GED?

His bad behaviors have definitely been enabled by his parents. The question is is he capable mentally of taking care of himself or not.
Blank
3149845_tn?1415046551
I have not heard any diffinet diagnosis from the family,  one day bipolar, another week just lazy, the doctors cant put their finger on the problem. but to me its defiant disorder. He doesnot like to be told what to do. I was with my brother till the end and very familar with schitzophrenia and my nephew is no way like my brother.
He got his diploma from home schooling. His threats range from killing everyone to punching them.
He was raised in a overly christian home with no cable tv. His father is half chineese and my nephew hates being part chineese and calles his father a chinc.
I had not been around the family for 15 years as moved out of state. he was sent to my home last year as i mentioned to see if i could help him.
He did not have much of a personality and picked up my personality and values and repeats everything i say. He likes identifying with my values. Its as if he had no personality before he met me and have become some what a mirror image of me and really likes this identity, its as if he is a real person now. But my his mother thinks that this is not normal to pick up my personaltiy.
To me he is very normal but is very lazy. He can take care of himself no problem and if you met him, your first impression is that he is a normal young adult and overly excited about life. He just cant get his act together when it comes to getting a job.
My other sister is a nurse and her and the rest of the family thinks hes crazy.
I personality believe he is using his fits and also threatens that he is like my brother to get his way.
He does have friends and no problem getting girl friends but the girls eventually leave because he has no money.
any thoughts helpful
Blank
3149845_tn?1415046551
Another point. before him spending time with me, its as if he had no answers when confronted about the things hes does. When he was with me we had intense talks about life and i shared with him the things ive learned. He would tell me about the things people said to him when they were judging him and i used the expression " well what have you done to change the world lately" so when he gets feed back from his parents he says to them "what have you done lately to change the world". They hate when he says that but its as if he now at least has something to say but is saying this to justify any critisism that they give him.
I think before he met me he was a lost soul as was not exposed to deep thought but had a very superficial relationship with his parents. Hes apprears to be the type of person that identifies with the deeper things in life that his parents could not bring to light.

The thing is that he cant live with me as i cant stand him sleeping till 3pm and not cleaning his room.
Again, if he does not get his way he goes ballistics.
Blank
1699033_tn?1405352675
Honestly Life360, this is a hard one because I'm not entirely sure that he isn't suffering from some mental disorder.  I am going on the assumption that he has never carried through with the threats of any form of physical harm.  That he hasn't assaulted any family member.  If this is indeed the case, then I think your parents need to take the hard road with him.  They can't keep enabling him.  He needs to take responsibility for his life and go out and get a job and show that he can support himself.  When my sister's son dropped out of college they told him that he had to get a job, finish his degree online which they would refund only if he got a B or better and if he didn't like that they would help him find the nearest homeless shelter.  It seems cruel but my nephew got a job and finished his degree and never saw the inside of a homeless shelter.  But in the end, the choice was his because they were not putting up with this crap any longer.  

It also seems to me that he doesn't seem to have much self-esteem especially if he is starting to copy what you are saying.  Almost like he doesn't have an identity of his own.  He could definitely use some more psychological help I believe.  Again, they need to take the hard road and tell him what is going to happen and what the consequences are going to be if he doesn't go along.  If they truly feel threatened, then they would have to take out a restraining order against him.  But nobody is doing him any favors by letting him get his way and not take any responsibility for himself and his actions.  

Blank
3149845_tn?1415046551
Thanks for the insight. He really hasent hurt anyone yet but gets right to the edge or wants us to think so.
Since taking on my identity, i dont see any anger backing off but i do see a sense of much more self confidence in him.
Do you suppose being raised with superficial values and never receiving any real deep answers about what life is all about made him a manulipulator? he still manipulates now but has much more confidence about himself.
They have taken a hard road with him now and it seems to be working as has no one to turn to for help except me, but i wont send him anymore money, im only there for a listening ear. He had threaded to kill himself before as my brother did and he mentions my brother but now i see with his new identity he realizes he now has something to lose which is himself. Before he did not have a self.
thanks for your advise.
dave
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Parenting Young Adults (18-26) Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
469720_tn?1388149949
Blank
Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm-treatable... Blank
Oct 04 by Lee Kirksey, MDBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Parenting Answerers
1699033_tn?1405352675
Blank
JGF25
Somewhere in, MD