Help. my daughter bites herself

Any time my daughter who is almost 2 is in trouble or unhappy she bites her hand or her arm, she has even tried the pull her fingernails back. i dont understand why she is doing this. she doesn't live in a stressful household, i do believe in spanking children, but not hard, i have tried time outs everything and biting herself is her way of throwing a fit, why is she doing this?

[Rebecca Resnik, PsyD]

Hello,
    sometimes children use physical pain (or irritation by picking or rubbing their skin) to calm down and relieve tension. It sounds strange, but what happens is that doing damage to their skin causes the body to release pain releiveing chemicals. These chemicals make the children feel better, so they keep hurting themselves to get the nice feelings. It is like when adults eat spicy food to get the nice rush of pleasure afterward.

   Its good that you maintain as stress free a home as possible, however, as adults it can be hard to identify what feels upsetting to a child. You might take a few days and watch carefully to note when these behaviors occur. She may do it when she feels bored, irritated, angry or fearful. If you can figure out what she is feeling when she does it, you can help steer her towards something else that will help her settle (for example, getting a hug, chewing a teething ring or squeezing a koosh ball). She may just crave sensation, and need to move her body or 'blow off steam' outside.

    In terms of spanking and time outs, overreliance on punishment, particularly physical punishment, has been shown to increase aggressive behavior in children--including aggressive behavior towards their own bodies, adults, peers and animals. Your daughter may be having a strong reaction to punishment, even if you are not spanking her hard enough to leave marks. Being spanked can be very overwhelming for children, and may be driving this behavior. You can manage her behavior withotu having to use much punishment, and no physical punishmet at all. Check out the book The Kazdin Method by Dr. Alan Kazdin for an excellent guide to how to go about it. You may also wish to consult a psychologist to learn more.

Best Wishes
Rebecca Resnik