How Do I Tell my 6 yr old about his Dad?

[WorriedMom_3]

My son is 6 yrs old, and when he was 4 months old it  was the last time he saw his dad..... I  tried many times and opportunity's to have his dad see him, but he always had excuses....to not see him......and know my son is 6 yrs old and is starting to ask about his dad..... How do I explain to him...? or what do I say?  Is he ready to talk about this or should I wait until he is older?

Worried Mom

[WorriedMom_3]

Thank you so much Rebecca Resnik, this is going to help me alot..... And you are right......

and he does have his grandpa and uncles that are with him  and love him sooo much :)

Thank you,

Worried Mom

[Rebecca Resnik, PsyD]

Hello,
    your son does need, and deserve, some answers about his father. Whatever information we adults do not provide to children, they fill in with their own imagination. Best to give him some very simple, easy to understand facts. Let him know in gentle words that his father was not ready to be a daddy, or that some fathers are good people but don't know how to be good dads. Tell your son that this has nothing to do with HIM, rather it has to do with his father not being able to parent. Finally, let your son know how great he is, and what a shame it is that his father does not know what a wonderful boy he turned out to be. The book  Difficult Questions Kids Ask and Are Afraid to Ask About Divorce by Meg F. Schneider will give you tips for how to have these conversations.

If the father is not willing to come and be a regular part of your son's life, then perhaps it is better that he not set your son up for a huge disappointment. At this point, I would be wary of letting him back in your son's life until he is ready to commit to being there for him long-term. Definitely look for other men who can be there for your son (uncles, grandfathers--people who will not leave).

Best Wishes
Rebecca Resnik