Trying to get my 9 year old out of old habits

[Suzanne39]

My son acts very mature at school.. A Honor Roll student since 1st grade.
When he gets home .. if he isn't tired from school... will act a little silly.  We've always been
the type to joke and play around, but now that he's almost 10 I'd like him to stop being
so silly.  

Will he just grow out of these habits if not addressed?

I just discussed this with him once.. but will remind him again if necessary.

Thanks.

[Rebecca Resnik, PsyD]

Hello,
   it can become annoying when a child does not mature as fast as you expect, and I imagine that after a long day your tolerance for silliness is pretty low. He sounds like he spends the day keeping himself under control and needs to 'blow off steam' when he is in the safety of his own home. He will indeed mature in time, though being able to be silly is not necessarily a character flaw. I believe that our best qualities are often our worst qualities as well, depending on the situation. If he has the capacity to be silly and knows that it is only ok to do so at home, that is great.

However, if it is really getting on your nerves, that is not something you need to bear with gritted teeth. As the mom, your mood really matters. Do you remember the expression "when Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy?" If you are feeling annoyed, then it can make everyone else miserable too. Get the book How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazish. They do a great job of teaching you how to let kids know when your are feeling annoyed, angry or too stressed in ways that aren't toxic or hurtful.

The key is to stand up for your own need for peace in a way that encourages your child to take your needs into account. In the meantime, make sure to explicitly praise what you want to see "I like how you spoke in a quiet voice, that is so pleasant when I'm tired" or "Thank you for not climbing on me, I really need a break." If you have a husband or partner, maybe someone could give you a bit of a rest from the kids in the evening when your son starts getting silly? Even 10 minutes in a room without them can be so refreshing!

Best Wishes
Rebecca Resnik

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[Suzanne39]

Thanks so much for your reply. And I will get that book.  All the time spent is with me, he might see dad for 2 hrs. max each night (husband works long hours). So that might be effecting him.. just like it's taking a toll on me too. Husband seems to never want to just do stuff w/him.. he wants all of us involved.. he doesn't realize I might need a break from that.

Thanks again, I appreciate the time you took to address this for me.