Help..if possible

[Liz50]

I am a paid caregiver to a 77 yo woman with end stage PD. She lives in her daughter's (once her) home. The only reason she is not in a faclity is becasue he daughter and SIL bought her home  and keep her there with them and their young family. She is very matriarchal and still acts as though this home is hers and they are the interlopers. She has taken a serious turn for the worse in the past 6 months, though was doing well with the change of having the family living there for the first 6 months they were there. Now she is angry, petulant and demanding. The kids are young and demanding of their mother, who in turn has her own mother demanding her daughter. I am only there 3 days a week and try to keep the peace, so to speak. I take her wherever she needs/wants to go and basically meet all her personal needs on M, W &F. Lately she has become very abusive towards me, accusing me of stealing from her, trying to get me to do the family laundry or housekeeping, etc. I have very specific duties as outlined by my company and I really try to accomodate her but she is becmng impossible. She is not allowed to cook anymore due to some fires and safety reasons and she is always trying to get me to let her cook things. I too am bound by the family rules. Her dementia makes her so forgetful, and then she gets angry and I am often in the pathway of this anger. I have been with her 2 years and the rapid downward progression is sad to watch.
My dilemma? I told her daughter yesterday that I am not happy with the abusive situation I am in and cannot continue to come to work knowing I will wind up leaving upset and demeaned. The daugher basically told me that as soon as I quit they'll put her mom in a rest home. How totally unfair is that? This woman has 6 kids, all live within 2 miles of her and all are filthy rich ( as is she). The guilt of being told that if I leave, as I am  essentially her mother's only source of independence is gone is making me ill. How do I handle this? I am applying to a Pharmacy Tech school to start in the Fall and I want to have some of the summer free to enjoy my grandkids and vacation. The daughter said her mom would never bond with anyone else and they really need me.
Anybody got any great ideas here? I'm pretty tired of getting kicked in the teeth.  

[ILADVOCATE]

You are doing the right thing to stay. Her behavior may be part of dementia and psychosis from end stage Parkinson's itself so although she should not be in charge of anything she is not doing this purposely and its not psychiatric. Psychosis and dementia from Parkinson's is different from a psychiatric disability. I know because of the people I've volunteered to help and aspects of my neurological disability which is similar although it does not degenerate unlike Parkinson's. Namenda has been helpful for dementia and Zofran has been used successfully for psychosis from Parkinson's. They might want to speak to a neurologist who is a movement disorders specialist and update her medications. Only a neurologist could make a decision as regards medication but it would be worth inquiring.

[Liz50]

Thank you for replying!! I have sometimes felt that I am negotiating avat wilderness here! Altho my dad had PD, he choose to stop all his meds on his own and esentially shose to end his life. Yes, a difficult choice, but I see now what a brave one it was.
My biggest hurdle in caring for this woman is her FAMILY! They do not want to spend cent one for her care and will not even consider any doctors beyond her basic neuro doc visits once a year and the occasional geriatric GP doc for things like a flu shot. Even when she fell and broke some ribs and had a concussion I had to get almost nasty with them to get them to allow me to take her to the ER (5 days after the fact!). The docs there were going to report elder abuse, but when they did not follow through.
Tha daughter is a holistic medicine believer only and she will not pick up her mother's "Traditional" western meds and will not fill the pill cases and does not care if she takes them or not. Instead she pumps her full of protein and vitamin shakes. Usually I find that about only half the time is she taking her prescibed meds. Only being there 20 hours a week there is nothing I can do about that. My patient rarely remembers on her own to take them. The addition of any other "western" meds is out of the question, but thank you for your suggestion.
I will stay as long as I can, but at some point, quite honestly, I can't be this woman's savior. And it is not fair for her family to pressure me to be so. Being aware she is not purposely trying to offend me makes it easier to deal with her. I am glad I knew her when she was "her". This person is not "her"...it's the disease and I know ir is.
Thansk for reply. Much apprecited to know someone was listening!
Liz

[caregiver222]

Parkinson's often goes hand-in-hand with a brain disorder called Lewy's body dementia. The diagnosis of Lewy's body dementia is difficult, and the symptoms are similar to Parkinson's. The same meds are used to treat.

Paranoia, and inappropriate abuse of a caregiver, are hallmarks of this dementia. It is different from Alzheimer's in that it comes and goes, and at times the patient is normal, and at times they become monsters. Sort of like the twelve faces of Eve. Acusations of theft by the patient (usually with the charge directed at caregivers) is common.

It is extremely difficult to care for a person in such a situation.

I don't have any easy answers.

[ILADVOCATE]

No one should be anyone's "savior" but if they are neglectful as regards facilitating needed medications to her that is neglect, regardless of whether she seems in charge as she is gradually losing mental reasoning. There are some medications outside of western medicine that might work but she needs to see a neurologist and have standard treatment first. If they deliberatelly withdraw that from her with her age and level of disability they are committing neglect and you might want to contact Adult Protective Services to see that she recieves appropriate care and medical treatment.

[Liz50]

Thanks both for replying..
I guess I took the ultimate step in dealing with this situation...I quit. My client has become too dificult for me to handle & I essentially am providing babysitting services. I drive in the driveway and I watch the daughter drive out..and she stays gone the entire time I am there, occasionally phoning to give me instructions or to augment the list she's left behind. It became patently obvious she was using me as her personal housekeeper, maid, cook, ect when what I am supposed to be doing is caring for her mother!! All her mother wants to do is bake cookies. (This is a sugar free household and we are not allowed to make treats without previous permission).
My client is refusing Physical Therapy, just wants to go out to eat all the time and cries off and on all day, wanting her daughter. I spend half my day there looking for things she has lost (yet I am usually finding that the lost item was actually lost in a restaurant or at church, so of coure I am not going find it at home!)
This job pays lousy, it's depressing and depressing to see how I have been pulled into this family's web of "servant abuse". (It's happened before and they are evidently pretty famous for abusing their "help".
I am planning on styaing long enough to train my replacement , should they go in that direction, but the glint in daughter's eye says "Nursing Home" so I really think that's where the mom is headed. Sad, in a way, but she won't even know she's there.
Well, one thing i learend is that my 2 year career in geriatric care is not where my true talent lies. I just need to get through a couple more weeks..or they could tell me to leave on Monday. It's a weird situation (you can tell the family is pretty mad at me...nobody wants to take care of Grandma)