what is wrong with my boys? <3 <3 <3

    I have 3 little boys of my own and full custody of my nephew.they are my world!i am getting more and more concerned and nobody wants to listen to me!
    my eldest is 9.he was born at term.normal delivery with no complications.i took him home 12 hours later.he was a perfect text book baby apart from being clumsy and having asthma(controlled with inhalers) until he started nursery at 3.
     I started to notice he struggled to retain information eg recognising letters/numbers, he has poor pencil grip, his handwriting is awful and he struggles with fine motor skills.he can not ride a bike and struggles with ball skills.he is not very interested in physical activities and prefers to be in his own company or on a one to one basis with adults although he does mix with peers.he finds making friends difficult and can ramble on about a subject of intrest for long periods or time.he doesn't consider people's unwillingness to be in a conversation,their opinions or emotions and will often interrupt people already engaged in a conversation or activity.he is diagnosed with hyper mobility and dyslexia.
    I raised concerns but was told it was early days and he would soon pick up.his memory is fantastic and he absorbs all information like a sponge especially with subjects that intrest him.maths, science and computers really are his strong points.his ability exceeds those of his peers but he is not meeting that ability on paper!he also gets confused with remembering more than one verbal instruction at a time.he has a very wide vocab but does use language very literally.
     my middle son is 4 and has just started full time school.he was also born at term and developed really well with no indicators of any problems.he was a very alert baby and has never needed a lot of sleep to be full of beans.his physical development has always matched development milestones but his speech and language is delayed and he is having therapy for this without much real improvement.i started to be concerned by his speech and language and understanding around 12-18 months of age.
     my son is always active from swinging his legs or playing with his fingers while sitting to jumping up and down to running in circles.he is impulsive, has a short attention span, poor appertite, restless sleep with regular waking, constant tossing and turning while asleep and has issues with not having my attention constantly.he can be destructive, desruptive, has a very short fuse and has a fiery temper.he can have violent tempers which I can't always explain.he will hurt himself and others and almost seems to gain release/pleasure from doing so.he also has issues with leaving me, does not like strangers to come into our home, can need a lot of physical contact (kisses and hugs) and verbal reassurance ( I'm your big boy arnt I? and love you are two things you hear from him very often) but is selective about times he will allow in one within his physical space. he likes to stick to routines at bedtime etc, likes to be told the next 2/3 things we are going to do,follow the same routes to school etc and can get adgetated / upset or angry if this doesn't happen.he likes to feel in control of his surroundings and people in them at all times.he always has bits of plastic, toys etc in his mouth and likes to carry small toys that fit in the palm of his hand especially when he's feeling anxiety.he shows very little if any awareness of danger or consequences.
    school is a different matter though.he almost regresses into himself, doesn't mix with peers very well, prefers adult company, soils himself 2-3 times a week, is very tactile with adults ( needs to be hugged or touching a piece of their clothing) , is finding learning to read, write and recognise/ memorise letters/ numbers etc difficult.he displays no aggressive or disruptive behaviours at all!other than his speech and language delay the school do not see that he has problems.
    my youngest son is 2 and was born at term with no complications.he has asthma but is otherwise healthy.he quite early on displayed signs of delays in physical development, understanding of language and intended use of toys etc and speech and language.he functions at approx 6-12 months behind in all areas.
     he has an abnormally high pain tolerance, aggressive outbursts towards himself others and physical objects when tired, scared, angry or frustrated.he never seems to feel full and will constantly eat if allowed to.he is very selective about what foods he will eat.he doesn't like the feel of grass,sand or anything slimy or sticky.he also puts small unedible objects in his mouth a lot.
    he does not mix with children very well and does not like to be in unfamiliar surroundings or around unfamiliar people and will avert eye contact with people he doesn't know or is unsure of.he can get can get really upset/angry in this situation.he can play along side but not actually with other children.on times in his own world absorbed in a repetitive activity.he can also be extremely possessive of certain toys and belongings. he makes grunting noises as a means of communication and screams a lot.
he has recognised delays and receives support through play therapies and speech and language therapy.

    I'm at my wits end and do not know where to turn for help!are my sons conditions connected and what could cause these problems?please help me!!??

[margypops]

I am going to refer you on to our expert/doctor forum 'Child Behavior' Doctor Kevin Kennedy is the expert on that forum and he may have some answers for you, better than I can provide.Go to the Forums page and on the right are the expert forums ..look down to child behavior . Good Luck

[margypops]

We also have a speech and language forum on Med Help

[mumto4_9432]

i have just been looking at some of the forums and came across it.thankyou for your reply!

[margypops]

you are so welcome I hope they can help you ..

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I'm so glad that you found med help.  I can certainly relate to many things you mention and commend you for listening to your 'mom warning bells' that something is amiss.  All kids are different but when we see a pattern of things that don't add up, it is wise to look a little deeper into to make sure we are doing everythint we can to help our kids.

Now, your oldest son sounds to possibly have some praxis issues.  This is motor planning which is part of the nervous system.  I would recommend that you google Sensory processing disorder (SPD is an awesome site) and see what you think.  There are many different ways that sensory shows itself and each day can be a little different.

For example, my son who has sensory is a sensory seeker in that he craves movement and is constant motion.  However, he can withdraw into himself and not be able to interact.  He is very very smart but has trouble figuring out verbal directions.  He is athletic naturally but then will have trouble following a new sequence that he's never done before of movement.  He has had a hard time with peers and we've had to work on his social skills.  

Check out the spd site on sensory and let me know if you think any of it fits.  We've worked on it with my son and have had great success!

By the way, he also had some issues with speech and language as that can be part of praxis.  

I have many suggestions if  you think sensory fits at all.

good luck

[Ecologic]

Your 3 rd child reminds me of my son. He is 2.5 and was just diagnosed with Asperger syndrom (syndrome). High IQ and low social skills, high anxiety. My son is behind in speech (but we were told he should be speaking like us in 6 months), not very good with toys, never says hi, understands everything we say, very sensorial...

You need to have your children seen by a child psychologist. My son was seen by a state child psychologist, his pediatrician reffered us to this special state program. If you are in the US Ask your pediatrician for a referral!

My son is going to go part time in a special class to improve his social skills once he turns 3.

[mumto4_9432]

Spd isn't a condition I had ever heard of.it fits all 3 of my children in their own ways.it is 100% worth talking to his senco (special education needs co ordinator) there are so many overlaps in conditions that are possible!its so much to remember and so many avenues to explore that it's frustrating that its not being done!

[mumto4_9432]

I hope you have found answers support and direction with your sons diagnosis! :-)
We are in the uk and the system is so difficult!its extremely frustrating!!! :-( my youngest son has support through play therapy and is due a review with a Ruth griffiths assessment in late jan/early feb.i really hope we get somewhere with diagnosis! X

[Ecologic]

I am actually shocked:
1. To have a diagnosis
2. To have a plan: he is going to go part time to a special school once he turns 3. They will teach him how to be more social. In the meantime he keeps seing the developmental therapist he has been seeing since he turned 2: she helps him to learn how to play with toys - play therapy.

I hope your sons can be seen ASAP by a child psychologist. I used to be suscpicious of these doctors... Not anymore!!

[mumto4_9432]

I am so pleased for you and your son.there is alot of stigma here about parents who push for diagnosis for their child just wanting to label their child.i always say that diagnosis is acceptance and support but also strength in yourself as a parent!I'm glad that you have found that!i hope with all my heart that this is the right support for your son and yourself and he will do really well as a result!thankyou!i hope so aswell!6 years is way too long to drag it on for and my children deserve support!i hope to find them the right support for them whatever level that may be at! xx