Rape survivor made to rape herself. ARE THERE ANY INPATIENT CENTERS FOR RAPE SUFFERERS?

[Ashlym1025]

I have been raped for several years. I was hypnotised and pimped out, raped against my will. I have no memory of any of it, but have felt the physical effects of it. It is not something I feel comfortable speaking to anyone about, nor medical professionals as they do not understand how vulnerable a hypnotised person is, or anything about hypnosis. I do not remember the people who did this to me, and I have extreme emotional post traumatic stress. I see people, and wonder if they have raped me. I have seen myself raped on someones cell phone video, I did not go to the police. There have been threats against me made by the "hood". I feel uncomfortable having sex with men, as they seem to view me as some kind of prostitute. I have a reputation that is beyond uncomprehendible. I have been programmed through hypnosis as some kind of dominatrix, etc. Men think it's okay to treat me a certain way, and it's due to this identity I was programmed with while hypnotised. Men have approached me and think that I am down for things I am not down for. I date men, wait for myself to trust them before I have sex with them. I do not have sex for money, etc. Also, I have been made to mess around with women, and "am going to rape myself". I was told that I was going to be made to rape myself. I myself have seen very little sexual activity except in movies, etc. I have heard the audio of me raped, but have yet to see it. I was unaware of any sexual positions, sex acts, sex types, sexual anything, until I was made to do it under hypnosis. I haven't even seen the sexy part of myself yet. Before I was pimped out, I did have a few boyfriends that I had a very sexy wonderful time with however, but nothing to the exttreme of danger, snuff films, forced sex, rape, bondage, homosexuality, trauma induced sex, trauma induced hypnosis, etc. I do not know what to do.

There is so much pressure on me. I have no sexual desire as every man has touched me it seems, can have me whenever he wants me apparently. Females make me sick to my stomach, they speak of the trauma that I endured while hypnotised, and willingly partake in it, and expect me to as well. If I reject them I am some kind of homosexual, and I they are not good enough for me, and then I am confronted with violence and intimidation- fear of being pimped out by them, etc. These women speak of traumatic sex that I do not remember, which was incurred by men, and now I am supposed to do it to them, or allow them to do it to me. Sex of that nature I have never heard of before in my entire life, until it happened to me as a victim.

The sex I had with past boyfriends I had in PRIVACY, no hidden camera, no nothing, love, trust, maybe not love, but trust. IF I do not partake in these acts that are forced upon me by these women than supposedly I am not a woman, I do not deserve beauty, I have no beauty. I am not alllowed to have beauty unless I have it to them, etc. I am programmed out of my opinion of myself it seems. I personally consider homosexuality one of the greatest forms of human trauma, almost to the point of beastiality, incest, sexual abuse, molest, etc.

I am a Christian, and only date Christian men. Until this trauma stops, the hood dies out, and my life begins anew, hopefully with no worth to females, which has become a very traumatic experience for me, I will not be okay. I relate to women about right and wrong, morals and values, ethics, etc. and these homosexual women make fun of me for it, like I am a GIRLY GIRL, too fem, etc. and they want to make me relate over sex and love and basically human trauma and ritual abuse they call normal, as non believers, and women that condone women pimped out, and homosexuals.

I have gone to the police, and they do not believe me. I feel like going to put myself under hypnosis, but I don't know if that will stand up in court. All of this began with a man I dated who sold drugs, when I had a meth problem. I am now a 22 year old woman, who is vaginally and anally impaired, with no memory of why, no money, no memory of the reputation she has, and a 4 year victim of ongoing ritual abuse that is now being handled, shuffled, and imposed upon me by women. Women who do not respect women with self respect, who dont believe in homosexuality, and are not hood. These women are VERY HOOD, and I am SO NOT. Leaving me with a pretty cut picture perfect cookie cutter so feminine and beautiful innocent life and nature, while hypnotised to be the exact opposite, and everything I stand against.

Has anyone ever been a victim of bondage, literally felt like a hostage? These perpetrators I do not meet personally, they speak in my ear with a device that I am unaware how it got there. I was passed along by this boyfriend to pretty much everyone, and months later found out I had been hypnotised and raped by everyone- all the while wondering why I was in so much vaginal and anal pain.

The police do NOTHING about sexual abuse crimes. Is there a state or county or organization or ANYTHING, for victims of traumatic abuse? I would like to know if there are any centers or hospitals outreach impatient programs for sufferers of abuse of this nature? ...........

PLEASE HELP

[margypops]

Google 'Rape centers and your area for information, good luck to you

[ktaz474]

I read your story.  I just want to say that I am so sorry for what you have endured.  I grieve for you.  I am not able to relate super well to your experience.  I was sexually abused, but nothing compared to what you have been through.  This is not the way God intended your life to be!!  I see you wrote that you are a Christian.  I aim to follow Jesus with every fiber of my being as well.  There is hope in Jesus.  There is healing in Jesus.  He holds the answers and He can get you through this.  Just said a prayer for you!  Keep going, don't give up!  I hope you found an inpatient rape center and getting the help you need.  Much love to you in Jesus.

[lollygal283]

I am so sorry about your experiance, I to was raped on a boat after being drugged, it truly is painful. After that I ended up working in a profoundly sexual industry. I understand completely. 12 years later I work in  Finance, have a sex councellor, to help me come to terms with the negative association with sex and an understandng boyfriend. However everyday is an uphill battle, I also was a churchy and found that the best way to overcome this is to"Go back to the old values". Maybe you could move.. start over. You may need councelling what you did was not your fault honey, be strong...