6709254 tn?1389306949
Do I need help?
My little girl was born July 2. I was so excited but i was scared and nervous on the inside.  This Is my first child. I was o while i was in the hospital.  Four days later when i went home I remember feeling nervous and scared more than excited n happy.  Well the first couple of days it wasn't so bad.  Besides not sleeping but i didn't notice i wasnt sleeping. A week went by and still i didn't notice on how much sleep i was losing.  I love my daughter.  I stayed taking pictures of her and everything. Well me and my boyfriend got into and i went back to my grandparents house for almost a week.  That's when i started getting aggravated.  And sad. .. etc.  It wasnt the baby though. It was everyone around me. Well me and my boyfriend made up and i moved back.  And since then I've noticed that I've only been sleeping like 2-3 hours. ....a day. My baby has been extremely gassy to the point to where she can't sleep much.  She dont cry alot. But while she is straining she likes to be held.  And since she strains almost all the time I'm holding her alot.  She cries to be held. And it's like even if she isn't crying i can still hear her in mkmy head.  My boyfriend takes her when he gets back from work and i can relax and breathe but its not long because i breastfeed her. And like two days ago she finally starting taking a bottle of breast milk. She is almost 4 weeks old now.  But earlier today she started crying and i just say there and watched her cry.  I looked at her and then it was like i was looking through or past her. And all these thoughts kept running in my head. And i didn't notice at first but i was crying and my boyfriend aasked me if i was okay and i just flipped on him.  I went to the kitchen turned the faucet on to drown out her crying. I put my hands under the cold water and just cried. I knew my boyfriend had picked her by then cause she does crying but I was still hearing her in my head. Finally it just got quiet.  I turned the water off n went back in the room and just stood there watching him hold her.  And I cried more cause I couldn't believe that for a moment I was yelling at her in my head saying shut up and why are you crying and all these other things. I love her but i just sat there and hated her for crying.  
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287246 tn?1318573663
First, I am really sorry that I am just seeing this!

Second, I hope you are feeling better.  If not, you REALLY need to get some help.  Needing help or feeling the way you describe does NOT mean that you don't love your baby.  You very well may need some meds and possibly even some type of counseling.  Please do what you need to to take care of yourself.  The better you are, the better you will be able to take care of your sweet baby.

I pray you are fine.  Good luck.
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