Postpartum Depression and Relationship problems?
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Member since Mar 2009
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My son is a month old now and me and my spouse are having major relationship problems, we are depressed and ready to give up on us. but that isnt all, before i got pregnant i was diagnosed with severe depression and was put on meds that helped alot, i stopped taking them during the pregnancy and my first four weeks postpartum (breastfeeding) i feel so guilty for stopping breastfeeding and im constantly worried about germs and im overly paranoid about falling asleep with the baby in my lap. Lately i have been blowing up for no reason, feelings of resentment overwhelm me and i get so frustrated i yell at my spouse and say really...really mean things that i would never normally say, we scream and fight and we have almost separated 3 times in the last 2 weeks... i dont know how it got so bad so fast! i was feeling so good the first two weeks then BAM! im angry depressed and paranoid... my question is, what can i do now to control these bouts of anger? i need advice i dont want the separate and leave my new baby with a broken home, please help me!
I am no expert but from the PPD books I have read it mentions that regarding your relationship with your husband it is important to know if this "resentment" towards him was there before you became pregnant/ or gave birth. If not it is likely due to PPD.
PPD can occur as a primary illness or it can accompany or follow with one of two anxiety disorders - panic disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder. You and your husband must/should talk to someone who is experienced with PPD and anxiety, I am sure your doctor can refer you to someone. There are also good books to help provide information for both you and your husband. The advice below comes from Kleiman and Raskin - This isn't what I expected - Overcoming PPD
1. Use your "internal" resources
2. seek professional help
3. turn to family and friends for help
4. begin to examine, acknowledge, grieve and move beyond the losses that a mother with PPD typically experiences.
5. look ahead - you will get better, you will feel like yourself again
I know there are drugs that you can take while breastfeeding at least for depression but I am not sure about the drugs for anxiety etc. Breastfeeding is great if you can do it. But not all mothers can breastfeed and most of the time this has nothing to do with taking drugs that enter into the breastmilk. There is so much pressure from society that you are not a "good" mother unless you can breastfeed. Regardless of if there is a biological barrier or not to being able to breastfeed you need to do what is best for yourself. These "fears" of feeling guilty just need to be acknowledged and discussed to make you feel better.
Meds can be a lifesaver. And when I am feeling as horrible as I do after having a baby, I will do anything to feel better. I normally take Zoloft. It is safe whether breastfeeding or not. And it is also good for anxiety. I had a friend that started taking Zoloft for Panic attacks and it helped her a lot. So, it's not just for depression.
you both helped so much and i have been taking my anti depressants for a week now and feel so much better, but not only because of that. Me and my Husband decided to start over, because this is now our life, all 3 of us, and to forget the past things that were said in fights and out of resentment and focus on the future. i am going to ask my doctor next week to recommend me and possibly him to a therapist who deals with PPD and maybe even swtiching to zoloft, im worried about the weight gain on zoloft tho considering i gained 60 pounds during my pregnancy. i also have been noticing even tho i feel better whenever i look in the mirror i am instantly in a bad mood, feeling horrible about being so inactive during my pregnancy.. i get very mad at myself and feel so hopeless, hopefully once i get back around my pre pregnancy weight that will go away. i am here to talk to anyone who is having any problems with these, i may not know alot that can help but sometimes it feels good to just tell someone, even complete strangers....goodluck everyone and thank you all!
I'm in the same boat as you. As soon as my son came home within the first week I wanted a divorce and we fight nearly every day. I honestly think I have postpartum anxiety/OCD but no one is helping me. I'm going through these therapists and psychologist and yet, not one of them is recognizing or specializing in PPD and I'm getting sick of it. I just want to feel better, think clearer, stop this horrible anxiety and it would be nice if my DH would understand but he only adds fuel to the fire.
On top of it my mother has terminal cancer and has 1-3 mo to live so I'm dealing with that stress. I'm just overly grateful that my PPD hasn't manifested against my son. He's the BEST thing that has happened to me and makes my heart swell when I think of him. I just want eveyrthing to be ok and to feel better. Good luck.
Same here, so, in a twisted kinda way, I feel a bit relieved. I suffered from PPD with my first son, now 7, and left it untreated, and I believe I never got over it a 100%, but quite much.
As my second pregnancy developed, so did my pregnancy depression, and I had(have) major relationship problems with my husband, I won't say we didn't have them before, but it was something I could live with.
So, it was only natural that I got PPD, of course.
Honestly, the only words I can think of to describe me is miserable, sad, lonely, overwhelmed, and suicidal.
I'm going to ask my obgyn for help, since this time I know I wont let it pass...
Thge big problem is my husband doesn't understand my situation, since as most people, he thinks depression is an invention. That just adds up to me feeling misearable, plus the baby, who sometimes I feel I want to kill (I'm not to, but it really feels good to be able to say it and to be understood)
I wonder if we could set up a kind of online support group?
i have a 3 month old, and since being pregnant have been battling depression.. the problem is it comes and goes, and so when anyone has asked how i am coping emotionally, i will say i am fine, only to find myself hit rock bottom shortly afterwards. i have panic attacks, cannot eat or sleep.. i adore my baby, she is not a problem. my relationship is the problem. we fight all the time. and now to make matters worse, he had a young girl show interest, and he encouraged her.. but i caught him out.. although he says it was simply a flirtation and he had not so much as touched her hand, she works for him, and i sit at home on my own obsessing about it. he said he has been so lonely as i have just pushed him away aand refused to be intimate. i do understand his point, and we spoke in depth about our relationship after the incident, and agreed that we love each other and want our marriage to work. but i sit at home crying all day.. i obsess about what he is doing and try think of ways to catch him out. when he is home i nag at him as if he had had a full on affair and i can see i am pushing him away but i cannot stop myself. i am constantly having panic attacks. i have been living in a new town for nearly a year now. i havent worked because of the pregnancy or made even a single friend.. while my husband has his work. i sit home alone with my 4 year old son and baby, and while i felt content to do that, this problem with the younger girl has made me desperate for some support, some people i know. i feel like an outsider in this town, and so alone. i don't feel suicidal now i have kids.. before i used to often cut myself and take lots of pills.. but that is out of the question, as my kids need me.. i fear death and am obsessed with them or myself dying. but i am so desperate for this feeling to go away. i just cannot cope.. i tried speaking to my husband but he gets defensive and doesn't like to admit i have a problem. should i go see a doctor about this, even if by monday (today is saturday) i feel like i have a better handle on things? i know i need help.. i was coping with the depression but thee relationship problems have sent me over the edge and i just don't know how to get myself out.
wow i absolutely understand how u feel there...about 5 years something like this happened to me....i moved to a state were i had no family watsoever, lived with my partner at the time and we had a baby. withing a week of my baby being home my partner went to jail....luckily not for long but at my most crucial stage and with no family to help me i went thru PPD alone. i did many things i regret to try to forget that i was abandoned and jesus the sea of emotions i had. then when he gets out he finds a job n starts hittin on all these girls....i knew the game but hunny the one thing i did from my PPD that i was proud of was how i turned the girls he liked into my best friends....till this day those girls are my friends....they dislike him and support me till the end of time...but now my kid is 5 and within 5 yrs ive struggled with PPD ive tried to keep it together but i think there comes a time when someone hits a breaking point.....5yrs i havent done anything irrational but after reading all these posts maybe i should check myself for either bipolar disorder or PPD...never heard of it last as long as i could have it but its a possibility
you just told my story. i caught my F online looking and chatting w. some other women and he says he wont and doesnt do it anymore but i cant help but obsess over the fact that maybe he is doing something even something worse. i have been feeling like this for so long its like thats all i can think about if im not holding my son or watching him sleep im looking for reasons to get upset. i cry all day my 2yr old asks me why im crying., i have nothing to tell him. i have considered seeing a dr from the first month i had my son but put it off cause things kept getting better but then im right back at the bottom idk why i act so irrational towards him and i think ive pushed him to the edge so now the feelings are turning into fear instead ov anger. i dont want my family to rip apart because im freaking paranoid. when i first had my son i cried all the time for no reason even at the hospital i cried the whole week they kept me there i should have said something then i didnt and still dont know why i was so sad. i thought he was cheating when he wasnt at the hospital or home id call him 50 times a day it was a mess now i dont even call and we dont even talk and when we do its always very cold words or something about what the baby needs. i need help but idk what i want.
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