So I am the mother of two beautiful children. I have a four year old daughter and an almost 3 month old son. I had about 2 weeks of baby blues with my daughter but nothing major and it passed very easily and on it's own. My son has been a completely different story. I am the kind of person that has difficulties asking/seeking help but I'm desperate at the moment of some outside opinions. About my feelings I'm having. I have my really good days and my really bad days. Unfortunately, today is one really bad day and I've been considering making an appointment to get evaluated for PPD. I wake up and am angry. It doesn't matter if I got plenty of sleep or none at all. I'm just angry. I get to the point where I don't want to hold my baby (please don't judge me it makes me feel worse than you know to say that) I will feed him and change him but then I put him in his swing or bouncer and just stare at him. After a few hours of this I get these overwhelming feelings of guilt. I feel guilty that because of these bad days I'm going to damage my son and not have the emotional bond that my child needs. I basically shut down. I don't speak to my boyfriend and I find every opportunity to try and be alone. I go from guilty to fearful that because I'm like this my boyfriend is never going to want to have children with me again and that I'm ruining this entire experience for him (this is his first child and he's the step dad of my daughter). He swears I'm not ruining it but having the thoughts of him cheating on me and that he's going to leave gives me extreme anxiety that I can't focus or do anything. The next day I can wake up and be completely fine. The feelings of guilt still linger but not as strong and I'm over protective of both my children almost trying too hard to make up for it.
Any kind of advice and input from mothers or experts would be fantastic. I'm just really confused and not knowing whether I should seek some professional help to get this to pass.
I'm sorry you are going through this! It sounds like you are smart enough to know that you things are not how they should be. I did not go through this with my daughter to the extent you are describing here, so I can't relate, but you have to remember that you know what is best for you. And it sounds to me from reading this that you know you need to speak with a professional. It doesn't make you a bad person because so many women go through this. I hate asking for help myself, but just think of how much better things will be once you seek treatment for your feelings. The longer you let it go, the harder it will be to ask for help! Whether they prescribe a therapist or a prescription anti-depressant, you will be feeling better and less guilty about things that you should not have to feel guilt over.
Post partum depression can happen to anyone and it is not your fault. Sometimes hormones get all out of wack after having a baby. Call your dr. Some women need medication for a few months until your hormones go back to normal. You should enjoy this time too! PPD can be awful. Never be embarrassed about PPD. Call your dr and get better soon. Goodluck!
I really appreciate your opinions more than you know! I will be making an appointment. I discussed these feelings a little more in depth with my boyfriend and we both feel that it's a good idea to get some help. Thank you again!
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