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could this be post partum depression
Hi I had a baby in april 2013 that I gave up for adoption. I started feeling depressed this fall and its steadly getting worse.
Here's some backstory:
I decided to put this baby up for adoption when I was three months pregant. I worked with an agency, picked out the adoptive family, and always was very firm in my decision to choose adoption. I already am a single parent to a four yr old and knew emotionally and mentally i could not handle two on my own while working full-time. I just had gotten a major promotion and am at a point in my life where my career is a priority.  Anyway that is why I choose adoption.
I had the baby naturally on term and after he was born he stayed with me in my room while I stayed at the hospital I feed him and cared for him. The adopitive parents came in the afternoon and would spend  time bonding and caring for him. It is an open adoption agreement and I have a pretty good relationship with hos adoptive parents. I never felt sad or even cried during or after the adoption process I always knew I was doing the right thing. I was happy I was doing the best thing for the baby.l have never experienced the typical 'baby blues' they say most women feel for a short while due to hormone droppage. Not with my first one and not with the adopted one.
But starting in September a few weeks after my first visit with the adoptive family I began feeling depression symptoms. It has steadly gotten worse. I have no motivation to do anything. The parents emailed me in december and i c a nt bring myself to send a reply Though i did text yhem on xmas. Could this be ppd?
Other noteworthy information: I was diagnosed with MS in November (my noticable symptoms started in July). I am currently in a remession but still depressed. I had episodes of depression in my past as a teenager and in my early/mid twenties but this is so much worse than any depressive episodes I experenced in the past. I am relcutant to be put on anti depressants as they never did much for me in the past but with nothing getting better I guess I will give em a try.

Could this be ppd? Or just regular depression?  What is the difference? Does the cause even matter?
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With giving birth and then giving your baby away that can be very traumatic whether you feel it at the moment or not, eventually you will need to "grieve" your baby and it sounds like that is what is going on. The normal sadness of baby blues PLUS the feelings involved with an adoption will def be a lot to go through and with the added emotion of the adoption I think you are experiencing PPD. I would highly recommend talking with your doctor about it, if you found medications didn't help before they can try you on a different kind, not every medication works for every person. They may also refer you to a therapist where you can go a talk about your feelings, that is the best way to deal with PPD. I hope you can get the help you need, I'm thinking of you.
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