im not sure im paranoid, have the blues or ppd. my daughter was born on december 6th and for the first four days or so i was fine. no crying or anything. my boyfriend and i dont live together and are going back and forth between two houses (we both live at home for financial reasons). i first got emotional after the fourth night home with her when she hardly slept and we only got about two hours of sleep. i snapped at boyfriend and we were both just so tired and lost bc we didnt know how to console her. the same day we went from being at my house for three nights to going to his house to stay for a few nights. at his house i just seemed to be really frustrated and homesick. there was a lot of tension because his mom is not the nicest person and she caused a lot of problems at the hospital after i wouldnt allow her in the delivery room (my mom was in the delivery room). i was just very short with my boyfriend and snapped at him a lot and cried. after two nights at his house i brought my daughter back to my house alone bc my boyfriend had to return to work the next morning and his house is closer to his work. that night i couldnt stop crying bc i missed my boyfriend so much and just felt alone. my mom slept with me for three nights until my bf came for the weekend. i just felt panicked at night and i hate the winter and being cooped up to begin with. when my boyfriend went back home sunday i was able to sleep alone, didnt panic, didnt cry, felt fine. then yesterday morning my daughter was really fussy and i was trying to get out of the house for an appointment and it wasnt going as planned so i just seemed to get really frustrated and just wanted to put her down bc i didnt know what to do. then i just started panicking and worrying that this meant i was going crazy and then i started to fear that if this meant i was going crazy then would i want to hurt her. it wasnt that i wanted to hurt her, its a fear that i could develop ppd and want to hurt her. i just panic all day bc i think of all the crazy stories you hear about how people hurt their babies and i just fear developing ppd and wanting to do that. im not sure if this makes sense. i just want to know if this means i have ppd or if i should call my doctor. i just feel dumb bc its more like a fear of developing ppd. im a hypercondriac to begin with.
Call your doctor. You will not harm your child, the people who do are not suffering from ppd but a much more severe thing that I think is a form of psychosis. But your doc will be able to assess your situation and see if a light antianxiety med might help you. Lay it all out for him, do you think there is some kind of prize for toughing it out? Not. Explain what is happening, reach out, get the assistance a good doctor brings to the party.
ps -- There are SO MANY times when raising a child that trying to get out of the house does not go as planned. That is so normal, don't let it make you think you are somehow doing a bad job. I can get my son all dressed for school and it is 8:00 and we need to leave the house at 8:05, and we have coats and purse and backpack in hand. Then when I am backing the car out of the driveway I look at the clock in the car and it is 8:18, and I say "Where did the last fifteen minutes even go?"
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