im a single mom of 3 kids ages 3 n half n 2 in june n a newborn....i never had ppd with my older 2 i enjoyd them loved them then agan thyr father was there to help n jus b ther too. he walkd out on us when i was 2 mnths pregnant havvnt herd from or seen since. that alone put a HUGE toll on me during the pregnancy
n at first i considered abortion n was going to have it but just cudnt go thru with it. the hole time i as pregnant i didnt feel nething towards him no jpoy happiness love nothing n always thought i shlda jus had the abortion. when i had him scheduled csec at first i was kinda joyus 1st week i had help wt my gma n mom n thyr gmpa as time passed i got wors n wors n wors n i feel like ive hit an all time low....im always crying the babys always crying he has colic too my older ones r 10 times worse now n fight n fight n get into n do things thyr not supposd to make messes dangerous thngs to like getnn on top of my kitchn table thats bar height n the baby always crying did i mention that? now im angry cold mean heartless noooo patience n i see me doing it i no its wrong but i cant stop it. to top it off ive had this bad bad escrusiating back pain in this 1 certain spot everyday all day no meds help or creams. my gma has told me to stop treating thm this way n i cant? evrytime the baby crys non stop i say i jus had the abortion y did i have u. ive been on zoloft 4 awhile now i jus dont no wat to do. i love my kids i do i jus cant stand to be near or round them anymore an its like when they are away i want them back. cause sometimes my mom or gma will take them for all day or a few hours. n then i feel bad im not with them n miss them. im soo confused sometimes i say i wish i didnt have them i dont want you guys no more but i do i love them i no i do i was a good mom b4 then i jus cry n cry n cry. even returning to work hasnt made me any more happier....please help..
Wow! I def say that you might look into some counseling for yourself. It sounds like you might have some PPD. But it also sounds like you might have resentment towards your children because your husband or SO left. Now you have been left with all the kids and responsibility and it sounds like you hold resentment because of that fact. Just remember that the resentment you have is misplaced if it is being placed on your children. The fact that you know you are doing it is something. Now you have to take action and take the steps forward so that you can provide a good and loving home for those children. The first step, I'd say, would be to get yourself some help. You are on meds. That might be very good. But you obviously need more.
Please try to embrace your kids. I have 6 and get stressed out a lot. Their dad and I are married, but he works all the time and I def take most of the care of the kids. It can be VERY stressful, but I am never lonely and know that they will only be small for a short time.
Try to take a step back and really enjoy and count your blessings. You have many. But also try to get some counseling. Talking to a professional might help you more than you know.
think you might be right...maybe i do hold some type resnement to them ecspecialy my daughter she looks just like him n tells me things like i dont wnan be with you i wana be with daddy n i get angry cause i take full responsiblity for all 3 of them ALONE. but now that ive gotn meds for my back pain n higher dose zoloft i feel much much better more calm more mellow n im startn to feel that love for the newborn. but i def do need therapy or counseling your right bout that i jus cant afford it
I know there are programs out there that offer counseling in a sliding scale. I know here, you can get it as low as $25.00 per session. Much less than the $200.00 an hour many of these therapists charge. Try looking into the United Way. Many years ago, I received counseling from them at a very low cost. Also just try doing a search in your area. You'd be surprised what you can find. Whatever comes up in the search may help or it may just give you names and numbers of people that might be able to point you in the right direction. Like I said, I would try the United Way and then do the search. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you are starting to feel better. Just try to hug your kids every day no matter how you are feeling. It is so important. They are young and don't understand all the emotional things you are going through. It will get better though. I promise!
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