I am brand new here and am so glad to see this group in place! I am in need of prayer for my family and our son Ian. Ian is in therapy and while he can't be diagnosed until he is 18, he is showing and has been for years, clear signs of antisocial personality disorder and oppositional defiance disorder (ODD). I am not Ians biological mother but have raised him since he was 4. His mother is not in the picture but has serious personality issues ie: mood disorders, bipolar,etc. Ians father and I have 2 additional children now. 17 months old & 5 weeks old. We are seriously worried about him even being around the little girls alone & I am truly scared that he is going to hurt one of them or myself....intentional or unintentional.He has no empathy for anyone and is a verbal bully to everyone. He doesn't care who he hurts as long as in his mind he believes it will somehow benefit him. He is a master manipulator and liar. He has been kicked off the bus and had 20 infractions in school within the last 2 months. His father and I are dreading the upcoming summer vacation as we have no clue what to do with him all summer. We have tried so much with this child and are at our wits end. There is far to much to go into here, but please please pray for wisdom, patience, and strength as we are dealing with this difficult situation. Thank you and God Bless each and every one of you!
I just read your comments. How old is Ian now? Did you adopt Ian ? You
said that you have been looking after Ian since he was 4 years old.
Why isn't his mother in the picture ? I'm assuming since you have a baby
5 months old and another child 17 months old that you are on maturnity
leave. Why do you have to wait for Ian to be 18 to be diagnosed?
You say Ian is verbally abusive, has no empathy, a liar and a manipulator.
Is Ian a teenager? I will pray for you and your situation with Ian. I am a
recently retired educator. I taught for 30 years including teaching several
special education classes, one primary adjustment class with boys in my
class who seriously misbehaved and made major inappropriate behaviour
choices. I also assume Ian's father works ? If so, that would leave you alone with Ian during the summer holidays. Is that true? I wish you the
best coping with Ian, but he sounds like a handful. If you answer my
questions, I may be able to offer some suggestions. I wish you and your
family well and I will pray for you. ( my nickname on this site is
Evewisewoman. Blessings, Eve
Thank you for your comments Eve! Ian is 12 now....13 in November and currently in 7th grade. I only say the diagnosis can't be made until he's 18 because from what I've been told by various people is that it's only classified as "conduct disorder" until he is an adult. I am unable to adopt Ian due to the fact that his mother refuses to sign her rights away and in the last 2 years has decided that she would like to play mom again. We have been in and out of court with that and Ian wants nothing to do with her. The court also agrees that any contact with the bio mom would be harmful to Ian. I would adopt him if I was able to! Ian's father does and always has worked full time and I am a stay at home mom. The problems with Ian started off many years ago and are rapidly progressing to a very disturbing state. We have tried so very many things with him. Private school, home school, school with a licensed teacher one on one...etc. I finally had to put him in public school this spring because I was having so many Braxton Hicks contractions trying to deal with Ian on a day to day basis and my doctor was very concerned about an early delivery because of stress. He was kicked off of the bus after many inappropriate comments to younger children in reference to his private parts. He also told the bus driver that the Bible gave him an excuse to use foul language. He has also been telling students and teachers at school some very disturbing things like " I can't turn in my homework because I had to stay up all nite watching my 2 sisters because my parents refuse to watch them". The newest one is that "my mom and dad beat me with steel rods" And he is banned from a field trip tomorrow due to his infractions but he told the class that it was my fault because I didn't turn in his permission slip. He refuses to take responsibility for anything and continually tries to lie his way thru life. We have a very structured and loving home and Ian was not raised this way...it's beyond frustrating! While I was pregnant, he purposely put a bunch of coconut oil in the bathtub after being told not to touch it and why....I didn't know he did and got into the shower and completely wiped out . He showed no emotions over this ....being that I was hurt and the baby could have seriously been hurt too. Just to give you a small glimpse into our daily life...I thank you for your continued prayers and am open to any suggestions you might have! God Bless :)
I just finished reading your very well written post. This is only a suggestion.
You say Ian is in seventh grade and 12 years old. I taught grade seven
many years ago. I remember how some children can be very oppositional
and very stubborn. I also know that some children are attention seekers.
Would you say Ian is an attention seeker? Just wondering. I taught in Ontairo. When a teacher is concerned about a student whether the concern
is about behavior or an intellectual concern, the teacher is invited to bring
the student to support team. I don't know where you and your family live,
but if you happen to live in Canada, I believe this procedure may be province wide, although I'm not sure. If you happen to live in the US, I
am not aware what support services are available to parents. If Ian has not
be brought to support team yet, I would try and speak to his grade eight
teacher early in the year. You could say you are aware Ian has difficulty
making appropriate behavior choices and that you would like him to be
seen by the school psychologist. You don't have to wait until Ian is 18 to
have him diagnosed. He could possibly be evaluated by the school psychologist. It's only a suggestion. As far as the summer, is sending Ian
to a camp for a week perhaps, an option. Ian needs to learn to get along
with other boys his age, work together etc. Again, it's only a suggestion,
and it would give you and your husband a break. I will pray for you that
Ian settles down, becomes more respectful and stops his lying and manipulation. I wish you and your family the best. Blessings, Eve
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