This is a note to everyone. We've had a few random abortion-related posts recently and I'm shocked by many responses. This is a controversial subject so the best way to approach such posts is in a neutral or loving manner. It doesn't matter if you're pro-life, pro-choice or are on the fence in your beliefs. The fact is someone is coming here seeking help and we need to offer support regardless of your personal views.
I am extremely pro-life so I volunteered a crisis pregnancy center about a year ago. I took a few courses on how best to speak with someone who is contemplating abortion or how to help support someone who has had one in the past. People- the way you speak to them is in love and support. You can talk to them about the baby they are carrying ("Did you know your baby has a heartbeat and can wave their tiny little arms and legs?") or even how abortion procedures are done if they want to know and you can even help encourage adoption. But in no way can you harass them, judge them or attack their character.
Also, abortion is a pregnancy-related topic even if it is hurtful to many women with fertility issues (like me) or who are actively TTC. Women contemplating abortion ARE pregnant. Therefore they are allowed to post their questions here and get the same support as all of you. Many times they are scared, confused, don't know what to do, desperate, etc. and just need a sounding board. Typically women who as thinking about abortion don't REALLY want to do it because if they did they wouldn't waste time getting opinions on forums. They are simply looking for alternatives and are scared. In the past we've had many women choose to keep their babies rather than abort because our members posted in such amazing and loving ways, offering support. That is how you save unborn babies; not by attacking them or throwing YOUR beliefs in their face. These women don't care what you believe- they just need options.
If you cannot find something helpful to say then please refrain from posting on abortion-related posts. Thank you!
i completley agree...i saw what was wrote on that post...i thought it was very hurtfull to the poster and i think ashelen said the right thing...i mean yes she might offend some people but she could have had her reasons for doing what she did!! I didnt post as i didnt want to start a riot...lol...but i often wonder if medhelp has ever thought of making a abortion forum like they have for pretty much everything else!! ?? That way people who are contemplating it can post there instead of getting harsh responses from the women in this forum who are TTC for soo long! Just a thought!!
Rosa- you can make that recommendation to MedHelp by contacting them (click on Contact Us at bottom of screen). Most likely they haven't created that forum because they may not want to appear as though they condone or support abortion or because of the controversy that would come with having a forum solely geared toward abortion. Many zealots would probably storm in there and start preaching or whatnot. Could cause more problems than solve them.
Regardless if they have one or not people will still come in here for advice on the subject. Just like when we made the teen pregnancy forum we still had/have teens come in here as well.
Thank you for posting this....I really didn't want to say something because I was afraid I was going to get a huge backlash, but I was so shocked....I logged back on and I was like "I'm gonna have so many angry messages..." lol...anyway, I think this rule applies to any topic pregnancy-related. Whether it's a curious father-to-be or a woman contemplating options or a woman who's had an abortion and needs information she feels unable to ask her doctors for...I have clear opinions on most topics but I really think everyone has a right to unbiased responses. I'm Catholic so it's pretty obvious where my opinions on most topics lie however...they didn't go to a church seeking answers, so I'm not going to give them ones biased by my religion. I think Rosa's right someone should start an abortion community if there's not one...but I still think we would get random posters who don't know how to use the search yet because they're new and confused.
Well I'm not talking just about the most current post that had to be deleted. I have definitely seen a few other things lately too so wanted to make sure we all get on the same page and work as a team here! I could definitely respond in anger and with all my sermons on abortion but I get so much more accomplished when I take the time to listen to someone, let them talk and vent, find out what is truly going on and then offer a few solutions.
I have just asked medhelp to make a abortion forum or to at least think about it..alot of women dont know where to go because they dont want to offend anyone ttc but alot of the time they have there own personal reasons for doing w.e!! I personally dont agree with abortions myself but who am i to tell someone not to to it or make them feel down for doing it..they have just as much right to ask as anyone else asks there questions....i ask that medhelp make a abortion forum because i think they would get better feedback there from women going through the same thing or have went through the same thing...that way if someone dont agree with it they will have no right to go into that forum and post! That way people stop getting offended in this forum and they start getting better responses in the other forum!! If any of that made sence!! And Ashelen regardless of what emails you get i think you made the right choice in telling them what you did!! She dont deserve to be talked down to that way REGARDLESS of what we or anyone else thinks!! Koo dos to you girl!! :)
Oh yeah I can see why they wouldn't want to open that can of worms...I didn't even consider and outside group coming in and storming with responses, I was only considering internal responses....Maybe they could start a "Pregnancy Options" forum or something....something that Right to Life CAN'T accuse of being pro-abortion because it also discusses adoption? Idk....that's tough.
Julia- it's a non issue now so don't worry about it anymore. We talked it through and I know how you feel. I'm talking about different posts recently and like to periodically address this issue anyway so we're all on the same page.
We have received suggestions in the past asking us to create an Abortion Community forum, but after careful consideration have decided not to create one at this time. For now questions of this nature should be posted in the Women's Health forum.
Thats what med help wrote me so im guessing we have been declined yet again!! lol
I still think it would be better to have one..but im not the creator of med help either! LOL If i was there would be a forum...neways i just hope from now on everyone is careful what they say! We are here to help and i dont think by any means do anybody MEAN to hurt people....so girls lets work together and help no matter what the question!! :)
and julianovak nobody really blames you..its a touchy subject and im sure you just went with what you thought at that time!! Like i said nobody ever means to hurt anybody..sometimes when we vent because were upset it happens....i know i have done it more then once...as im sure many women on here have as well..So NO WORRIES!! :) :)
I have to say, I have such mixed emotions about abortion. Like most people on the MB I to am pro-life.
At a young age I was forced (didnt know I had a choice) to have an abortion. I was very young (13) , and made a stupid mistake by having sex at a young age. It still upset me to this day talking about it.
But if someone is trying to make a choice about abortion or life, I try to stay positive and support anyone in the decision they make. I can not pass judgement on anyone. Well maybe someone who uses them as a form of birth control. I only pray that whatever decision someone decides to make, its because thats what they want, not what someone else wants. Or I pray they will look at all the options they have befor doing it.
Okay sorry had to say something about it. This is just such a hard subject for me.
Angella- I'm sorry that has happened to you and I think you should talk about it. The problem is that post abortive women don't get the opportunities to share their experiences and to grieve and get support. I believe Project Rachel is geared toward post abortive women to find support and to share their stories. The website is hopeafterabortion. Here's a blurb:
"Evidence of post-abortion trauma is increasingly attested to by psychologists, counselors and those involved in post-abortion ministry. We now know, for example, that women hurt by abortion may have some or many of the following symptoms:
* Low self-esteem
* Grief (mild to profound)
* Depression (sometimes to the point of suicidal thoughts and attempts)
* A sense of alienation from family and friends
* A feeling of being 'numb,' not able to feel joy from activities that used to be pleasurable
* Isolating self from others to avoid discussing the abortion experience with them
* Guilt and shame
* Difficulty concentrating
* Anger toward self, or the child's father, or others involved in the abortion decision
* Sleep disorders
* Abortion-related nightmares, flashbacks or even sounds of a baby crying
* Alcohol and drug problems, to dull the sorrow
* Desire for a 'replacement' baby
* Anniversary reactions of grief or depression on the date of the abortion or the baby's expected due date
* Problems bonding with her other children (being over-protective but emotionally distant)
* Fear that God will punish her, or is punishing her"
Angella I sincerely hope you know you can find support and comfort here. And it is understandable that this is a tough subject for you. *HUGS*
Thankyou so much, I have learned to deal with it. It has affected my life in many ways. But I have learned to over come it. I just know its something I would never push anyone to do. Its been a very long time. And I have since had my two daughters. Whom are my world. In a way, I think Arianna is the child I lost. It just helps me look at it better. Right or wrong for feeling that way, its what helps me threw it. I have spoken to my parents about it. And told my mother how sad it was, and in a way, I hated her so much for it. I mean I lover her. But I hate that she aloud me to go threw that. And at the go threw it alone, and wide awake.
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