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Addicted b/c of the disease...I want a life!
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Addicted b/c of the disease...I want a life!

I was just able to read some of the things that other people are going through and you have NO IDEA how it made me feel. I hate that others have to suffer like I do, but I'm glad to hear that I am not alone. I am a young, 28 year old teacher and I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia when I was 17. Over the years doctors have tried many different medications to help with the disease, but when things weren't working, doctors slowly put me on pain medication to help me get through the day. I was in college when I was diagnosed and I wasn't about to give up on my dream because of some disease that causes me pain.  Over the years, the pain has gotten worse, and the pain meds have been increased. I am now on a Fentynol patch that I change every 48 hours and I am supposed to take 1 500mg vidocin 4 times a day. I am not taking the vicodin as prescribed...I am taking them less. I originally got up to 75mg of the Fentynol patch and it killed me when I didn't change it at exactly 48 hours...when I got close to 48 hours I began to withdraw pretty badly...well I think it's bad I guess. I began going to attend a pain clinic about 2 years ago and started getting injections for my legs and for my back. Many days I struggle to just roll over on my own or get out of bed...physically.  It has really taken a toll on my life...love life...family life...and social life.  Not only has the disease taking a toll on my life...but the medication...the narcotics. I don't WANT to be on them...actually..I would do ANYTHING to get off of them. SOME times I worry that the withdraw symptoms are worse than the Fibromyalgia pain.  I do have very severe Fibro pain, but now that my body has become more and more immune to the drugs over the years, my body needs more drugs to keep the withdraw symptoms from getting so bad. I feel like I DO need the drugs to continue to work everyday. I am now a special education teacher and I run ALL day long. I am on my feet all day long. Some days I just struggle to take a couple more steps to my car at the end of the day. Sometimes I have to nap in my car once I pull into my home b/c I don't have enough energy to get out of the car and make my way into the back door. How pathetic. I'm exhausted all the time and I worry that things have just gotten worse over the years. I do think the Fibro is bad and I do have other medical problems that they can't seem to put their fingers on. I have been thru tests after tests and have doctors claiming that they think that "maybe" it's not Fibro after all. I have been tested for many things that can cause the pain that I go through. Some days I can't even be touched without crying out in pain. It can get really bad.  I worry so much that I have gotten worse b/c of the pain meds they have me on. The withdraw can get so bad. I begin shaking badly, I start getting goosebumbs while I'm sweating like crazy, my skin just feels like it's crawling, it is VERY painful. I'm sure everyone who feels withdraw goes through this, but when I go through it, sometimes it feels like I WANT the world to in. I wouldn't consider myself a depressed person...but I do think that anyone who has chronic pain like I do and an addiction to pain meds may sometimes pray that it would all end soon.  I found out this week that my best friend bought a ring to propose to me. He wants to marry, have children, and have a long life together....but the disease part of my life makes me think that I can't get married and have children. I don't want to drag someone into a life like this if they don't have to. I hate for him to watch me suffer.  I can't have children on drugs like these...I worry that I can't even take care of a child with the pain that I am. I now have 2 masters degrees and a good job...but I worry that I won't keep my job because of the disease and the toll it's taken on my life. Does anyone have suggestions for me? Should I go through detox and get off the meds? And if I do get off the meds, what should I do to get by with the severe pain that I do have from the disease. It has gotten a lot worse over the years and I want to get my life back.  Help?


This discussion is related to prescription Narcotic and pregnancy.
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I wish I could sit down with you, have a cup of coffee and chat for hours. I have Ankylosing Spondylitis. I was also diagnosed in college, wasn't going to let my dreams be put aside for my disease. Fibro and AS have a lot in common as far as pain goes. AS is an arthritic condition of the spine where the bones in your spine actually fuse together which is SO painful. I take vicodein daily for pain management. I cannot go without opiates bc I have withdrawal side effects but also the pain gets so bad that I physically cannot get out of bed. I have now been married for four years and it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Study after study shows that marriage helps reduce pain. My husband and I have been together for ten years. He has known me before my AS got bad and he has known me through the worst of times. He is the most supportive loving man and on the days that I cannot do anything he is always there to help. I have two spinal fractures and one pelvic fracture, nerve damage and daily pain. I go to a pain management specialist and a rheumatologist every few weeks. I am now 31 weeks pregnant with my first child. I don't work full time but I do plan on it, I am currently finishing my dissertation for my PhD. I also work a few days a week.

I think where there is a will there is a way. You are a fighter and you deserve to have all your dreams come true. If you want to get married, get married. Your partner knows you and knows what they are getting into. Don't take that away from them, it is their choice to be there in sickness and in health. When it comes time to talk kids know that there are options to be pregnant and treat the disease. I am off of most of my meds but I do take some as pain management is important to keep baby healthy too!  

It sounds like you have a balancing act that is off balance. You are working SO hard and the physical demands are taking a toll on your body. Working that hard requires more pain medication. I can't tell you what to do but do know that it is a balancing act. If you are concerned about how much pain medication you are taking talk to your pain management specialist. And remember, keep fighting the good fight you deserve to have your dreams come true. I read a wonderful blog often, it has a lot of info for RA, Lupus, Fibro, AS, JRA it is rawarrior and it is a ******* address there are many people on that community online blog that have children, are about to have children, young in their career really from all walks of life and it is great to hear their journey.

I wish you all the best, health and happiness.
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