Anxiety about favoritism.

[the_other_half]

Ok so I have been contemplating posting this question for awhile just wasn't sure how to ask it. This whole pregnancy I've had anxiety about what it will be like to have a second child. After trying since my first son was born and no success I came to terms with the fact that I might only ever have one child. I keep wondering if I will treat one differently then the other or somehow make my first son feel less loved. I don't know if it's normal to have these thoughts but I really worry about it. I come from a big family and despite my parents best efforts they still played favorites and I don't want to do that at all. Has anyone else felt like this and what did you do about it? Did the feeling change after the second was born? Also is there ways to give both the same amount of attention without neglecting the other? Any advice would be appreciated.

[snagglepuss1]

Agree with both posts above, I think it's something every good mum worries about when they have one child and are expecting another. I used to say to my mum when I was having my 2nd, can you love another child the same as your first? She had 5 of us so I believed her when she said yes. When my ds was born my dd was 18 months and she loved him to bits from the beginning and all the worry about whether I could love a 2nd child as much as the first disappeared. Strange though, I never even thought about it when I was expecting my 3rd baby, it just happened and that was it.

[alaysha]

I worried about the same thing when I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter. I didn't understand how I would be able to love another being the same as my older daughter. I loved her so much that I didn't think there would be much love to share. Completely untrue once I had my second daughter. Its amazing because its like your heart grows. You don't have to love one any less because suddenly there is more room to share.

[Ashelen]

Oh my goodness I can totally relate. I was so close to my daughter that when I thought about having another child, I felt like there was NO way I could bond with another baby the same way, and I felt like no matter what, she would get more love and attention. I worried my entire pregnancy with #2...and when I found out we were having a boy I had NO idea how to handle it...I thought "this poor baby is just going to be second-rate, and I'm never goin to bond with him, he's always going to be the second best" but omg nothing could be farther from the truth!

Both of my babies are equally beautiful and perfect and important to me. I was an only child so I had NO idea how it was possible for a mom to love two children the same, or what it would feel like to have a sibling, so the whole thing terrified me...but for absolutely no reason. if you're a good mom with a loving heart, you'll love both of your babies I promise...it just happens. just like you fell in love with your first one when you couldn't contemplate what it would be like to have just ONE, you'll fall in love with your second and you will just naturally learn how to give them both attention and love. I don't have to work not to show favoritism....it's just not an issue for me, and I don't think it would be for you either...especially if you worry about it, you'll be more sensitive to making sure it doesn't happen.