At my breaking point

[Feishababy]

I'm 18 weeks and 3days pregnant. I am also 18 years old and having my first kid a boy. His names Carsen. I'm not really sure If this is where this post belongs but I just need to talk to people, to get alot of things off my chest cuz if I don't I feel like I am going to break.
This might be long just a warning.

I found out I was preganat at 17 years old and I told my ex that he was going to have a kid. Our relationship at the time was pretty much just friends with benefits and we were really careful about everything and there was a lot of mixed signals which is why im pregnant.
when I told him I was pregnant he right off the bat told me I needed to get an abortion and he wouldn't let up. I was raised up to know that from the second the baby is conceived its a human being and you can't kill it cuz its murder. So I couldn't go and kill this baby. I was however going to if my mother made me do it, cuz I wanted to make my mom happy.
But eventually we talked it all out and im keeping the baby.

But now that I have made the decision to keep the baby things have changed alot for me, me and my baby daddy only talk when it concerns Carsen and that's it, and I wish it wasn't it might just be all my hormones and just the fantasy of having that little family that is keeping me wanting him. He came to an ultrasound appointment and it was great to have him there like it felt nice to see his face when he saw his son on the screen. But I know nothings going to happen between the two of us and he going to be involved as much as he can cuz he is in college.

I also feel like im going to end up alone I have a great, sooo great family support system that I know this baby wont go unloved or with out but I had a guy I was talking too before I found out I was pregnant and he is a m.d. in training so I was telling him my symptoms and he jokingly said maybe your pregnant. Once I told him I was he took it in stride he said he liked me enough to still be apart of my life even tho im having someone elses kid.
he made me needy for attention cuz he was needy for attention and one day a month or two after I told him I was pregnant he just sorta stopped talking to me. Just didn't have the time for me no more and it made me needy for attention to other guys I only flirted and when I got hit on I posted it on facebook so he would see to make him jealous and cuz of my stupidity I lost a really and truly amazing guy but I also feel like that was an excuse to leave me so he wasn't stuck with a pregnant 17 year old. He's 20. And now I don't know what to do. I was always talking to a guy unless I was in a relationship and now I keep away from new guys cuz im pregnant and don't want to mess with that. But I feel lonely and just that I need the attention of a guy I need to know that everything will be okaay that im gonna be a good mom and to have someone on my side but I have none of that and no one understand..

[Feishababy]

Lol well i'm glad things worked out for you two xB
I know I really can't wait to hold him and love on him.
me and my mom have started to buy clothes and everything and I juss wish he was here right now cuz I feel like its taking for ever and I juss want him here and to see what he's gonna look like if he'll have my blue eyes or his dads brown eyes.
what I really want to see is how its gonna change his dads view on everything cuz he's still looking for a girlfriend. Haa

[summero87]

I was also 17 when I got preg ...my now husband was 4 years older but really didn't act like it ..he was around and loved his daughter but we went through so many ups an downs because of him it was ridiculous..as a mom you are that babies everything an It's hard but after a while you wouldn't change it for anything ...my husband is grown up now an has changed (7years later ) lol but everything will be ok ..when you see the baby in your arms you'll realize nothing else matters .keep us posted with your pregnancy too this forum is a good support system :)

[Feishababy]

I hope so.
I hope it comes faster then it is right now tho.
I know I shouldn't stress about all these little things its just hard not too.
I know everything will be fine in the end but its hard to see it that way right now.
Thank you tho. Your comments have made me feel better lol.
I don't feel as down as I did.

[KTowne]

I understand, i have a sister that is that way, and I'm married! I was a teen mom, got pregnant at 17, had him at 18, and it's hard! Especially seeing everyone else doing things you can't do anymore, but everything will fall into place for you! It seems like it's going to take forever right now, but while all of your friends are out partying, you're going to college, and being a mom, and being responsible. You are going to get far hun, don't stress, and enjoy your pregnancy, It's HARD to say that while you're pregnant, I know, but someday you'll regret not enjoying it, I did!

[Feishababy]

Thank you.
its just hard to adjust from going to something that was wanted to not being wanted anymore. I know I don't need any guy attention and all that im not real worried about finding a guy right now I need to concentrate on my my baby and college but its hard.
Me and my best friend joke about her being the baby daddy and she tries to be my "partner" but she just doesn't know what im going threw she thinks she does cuz she's that type of person and she has a lot of input on my lifeand it doesn't help it just makes me mad or frustrated.  

[KTowne]

I understand being a teen mom can be hard, and I know you think right now the attention of a male, and having a "family" will be great, and it WILL be, and you WILL find the right one, whether it's the father, the other guy, or someone else. It doesn't have to be right away, and unfortunately, a lot of males will not want to get involved with someone with so much baggage, they're still young themselves, if it's not their kid, it's not their responsibility, and they are living these years up. You will have some rough patches, and some amazing ones, but you'll get through it. You'll meet someone that you can include in your family (because you and your son, ARE a family), and you'll never remember what this time was like. Pretty soon you'll be 100% involved in a baby and you won't have the time to put into a man anyway. I would wait til after the baby is born, so if you do meet someone, he knows what it's like to have a newborn, and not just a pregnant girlfriend, because they're completely different. Good luck hun!