Cheated and needing advice

[boricua4u]

I made the most regretful decision to cheat on my boyfriend and I am hurting so bad because of it. I had my period around Nov 15th and my bf and I had unprotected sex on Nov 24 and he did finish. I cheated with him on Dec 2nd and although the other guy didn't finish in me, he didn't put the condom on until about 30 seconds from when he started. I am 19 weeks pregnant with a conception date of Nov 29 and a due date of August 21 and I am scared that the other guy could be the father because of pre ejaculate. I want to tell my bf so bad but I know he would leave and that is somethin I don't want. I am so mad at myself and understand that it was a very dumb decision and will never ever ever do that again. I am bot trying to be judged because I have already judged myself enough, but does anyone have any insight on who the father might be and what I should do?

[she_is_love]

I would think its your bf since u conceived arounf the time u and him have sex not the other guy and u

[Sstancil92]

I'm going thru the same thing. I had sex with an ex near the beginning of Dec. (protected) and I had sex with my husband all thru Dec. My conception date was not until the 29th of Dec but I'm still worried that something could have happened even though the sex with my ex was protected. I haven't told my husband and honestly don't plan on it! I'm scared to death but best of luck to you. I will pray for you and keep me in your prayers as well.

[breanna_d]

I just wanted to point out that, as far as I understand it, u ovulate about 2 weeks after your period. So although u most likely hadn't ovulated yet on the 24th, male sperm can live several days inside of u so u may have gotten pregnant by your bf. Your egg also lives for a few days so if there was some sperm in the pre-ejaculate it also could have fertilized your egg. If u have a regular 28 days cycle I would say it's more likely your bfs, but if your cycle is closer to 30 days you may find out its not his. Good luck, your situation is complicated & I hope it turns our for u!

[Starzabove9]

Good luck :)

[boricua4u]

Thanks for the advice :)

[Starzabove9]

Wow I guess im alone in my opinion. I think its wrong to keep it a secret from your bf. Its not fair for him and his family to be excited about something only to find out later that its not his kid. I dont think you should beat yourself up about it, because whats done is done. But lets say you do this paternity test when the baby is a few weeks or few months old and its not your bf's, how devastating do you think that would be for him? I guess I just dont think its right to do that to someone due to your own actions.

[mamaof4410]

The only good thing about mistakes is that you have the opportunity to learn from them. It seems like you have.   But if the other guy is willing to do a DNA test then I would do one quietly after the baby is born and go from there. If the baby is not the other guys then quietly go on with your life and take this as a lesson learned. I wouldn't tell him for the fact that if it does turn out to be his he will never let you live down the situation. Just do the test and go from there. Best of luck to you and i hope you have a heathly pregnancy!  The best advice any of us can give you is to not stress about something you cannot change at this point. What's done is done. Make the best out of your pregnancy. Don't worry about things you have no control over sweety.

[xpectnjoy]

I am currently also 19 weeks pregnant and my conception date was the 30th of Nov.  I'm due Aug 22.  I'm gonna go or on a limb here and say it's your boyfriend's  baby.  I would still get a DNA test from the other guy but it's probably your boyfriend's baby!  No judgement from me.  We all make mistakes in life.  I hope it works out for you love!

[Morrisfamily2012]

I think it's your bfs. I have my conception date of november 16th. I know for a fact I concieved atleast a weeks before this because the 16th and 17th I was out of town.

[FirstUterally]

if the other guy is willing to do a (quiet) paternity test.. def do that first and then decide what to do afterwards...

[lilpollywog]

What happens if something comes up in the future to your child and it comes out through testing that it is not your bf's baby?  Hopefully nothing like that happens.  But i think he would rather know now then 15 years from now.  If he truly loves you then he'll understand and stay with you.  But hearing it from you now would be better than coming out later down the road.  Of course he's gonna be devastated at first and hurt for a while, but it would be best for him, the child, and your conscience.  Good luck!

[isntsure]

I know its hard to tell the truth but since its already bothering you not telling your boyfriend its not going to stop bothering you. Trust me. I had a similar situation with my boyfriend but I wasnt pregnant or anything. But something happened with another guy that might as well been considered cheating and I tried to not tell my boyfriend and tell myself that I was sorry and I wouldnt do it again so why tell him? But it bothered me EVERY day all the time. So I finally told him and he was upset and it took him awhile to process it. But in the end he forgave me and gave me another chance. Im not saying that your boyfriend will be the same but I do think you should tell him the truth. Cause it will haunt you all the time cause you'll feel bad knowing that he trusts you but little does he know your not completely honest with him. At least thats how I felt. If he really loves you with an unconditional love he'll forgive you and it will make your relationship stronger in the end. I hope everything works out for you. And even if he decides to break up with you or whatever at least you know you did the right thing. And you cant give yourself a bad time for doing what you could do which is tell the truth. Remember you can only control what you do how you respond. You cant control what he does whether he forgives you or not. But you can control whether or not you do the right thing. Sorry if Im coming off as lecturing its just that Ive had to learn this lesson the hard way MANY times and I just want to help you. Again I hope everything works out for you. :)

[boricua4u]

Yea the other guy is willing to do a paternity test. I have been with my bf for years, and telling him is something I don't really want to do. I've learned my lesson TRUST ME! My worst fear is just that it would not be his. I pray everyday and ask to be forgiven and pray that its his. My bf is so excited and so is his whole family. What makes it even worse is that we had a miscarriage on Oct 13th so my bf is so happy to be expecting a baby boy. Before my bf of 5 years, I was in a 2 year relationship and with both of them when we got serious we did not use protection. Out of all these years pre ejaculate has never gotten me pregnant but all of these women saying that's how they got pregnant scares me. I appreciate you alls advice! Just please keep me in your prayers I need it!

[Omacastrop]

I think its ur bf's baby. & I'm old enough to tell u the telling the truth is not always the best option. If u regret it & ur never going to do it again then keep ur mouth shut! It will only hurt ur bf & release some of ur guilt. Just go on with ur life

[FirstUterally]

awww, everybody makes mistakes... id think it was your bfs but the conception dates are really close. so i have to agree with the above posters, youll probably need a DNA test. i hope everything works out for you!

[MamaBear0612]

The conception date is only a few days away from guy #2 though, so it's really impossible to know. You can get pregnant if he was inside you at all unprotected, and he was...I got pregnant that way, and the conception date they gave me was a few days off. You're really going to need a DNA test.

Sorry you're going through this...I'd probably be honest, but I realize that's not always the decision others might make, given the consequences of honesty in this situation. Hope everything turns out for you regardless.

[kerriekab]

I'd say it was more than likely your bf's baby. As the conception date was before the second guy and he didn't finish and you used protection (it's be quite unlikely any pre-ejaculate came out after 30 seconds)  i'd say it was definitely your bf's baby.

Bear in mind though that the ultrasound can be off by a couple of days with the dates though so there is still a chance it could be the other guys. The only way to be sure is to have a DNA test.  You could do this without your bf finding out if you just test the other guy. That's if he is willing to do that.

Good luck!

[khawkins]

I am going to say it is your bf baby.  With my first baby, I conceived on Dec.7 ( I had sex on this day, but the day my dr gave me was in Nov sometime... my husband was gone on course and didn't get back until the 7th), and my due date was Aug. 31.

As for telling the truth, I am not going to say you should and I am def not going to say you shouldn't.  I first marriage ended on my husbands lies.  No one likes to tell the truth if they believe that it could ruin what they have in life.  I know that you are going to be the only one to decide on whether you will tell your bf or not.  

I hope everything works out well for you and your family!

[WF365]

Hey girl, I pray your baby is your bfs and not your ex's.  If you're saying that you had unprotected sex with your bf on nov 24 and with your ex on dec 2, and that your baby's conception date was nov 29, then it sounds like your bf is the father.  However, i'm no doctor and to be certain you would have to do a dna test after your baby is born.  You're in a tough position idk wether you should tell your bf, a part of me says be honest with me, but if you say he might leave you idk girl, that's tough.  I guess my best advice is put it all in God's hands and whatever will be was already planed by Him.  Congrats on your pregnancy and good luck with everything.