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676912 tn?1332812551

Choosing sex?

I was watching t.v. last night and saw these four women who had all had boys and wanting a girl. There was this IVF type treatment, I think it was called PGD, where they could harvest eggs, wait a week and see if any were girls and implant just that sex...

Just wanted to see what opinions people had about this.

***REMEMBER*** These are OPINIONS of others, please be respectful of that so this post doesn't get deleted!!!




My personal opinion:
I really don't feel like it's right for people to be able to pick what sex they get. I mean so many women are out there who can't have kids, and are on waiting lists for various reasons to be able to have a baby and don't even care if it's a boy or girl. You have women who can't afford to have a baby because of how expensive treatment is, yet there are people who get to throw away embryos because they aren't a certain sex, and only implant the sex they want...it's just not right to me. NOT to make this a religious discussion!!! BUT I'm also against it from a Christian point of view.
34 Responses
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1330108 tn?1333677304
I could see that yes some things are only transferred to a certain sex generic abnormalities. But think of the karma on this one. I knew someone who did that and they wanted a girl after having three boys so they did it and they ended up with their girl with severe mental disabilities. It goes to show that a. sometimes we may not know the reason but it's meant to be and b. Careful what you wish for...
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644974 tn?1312758070
*bump up ladies*
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187316 tn?1386356682
Oh that is the one I meant I am getting. The one where you only have male sperm not eggs already fertilized.
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644974 tn?1312758070
Im for it!
I do however not like IVF and this should only be done via IUI we will be doing this nxt yr to have a girl we have 3 boys now, that way there is no embryos involved its just sperm sorting..
they siply sort the male sperm from the female sperm and on IUI the desired sex that way our not throwing any embryos out etc what do you alol think about this?
its still banned in australia here but they are trying to get it overturned this yr, it is at present onlly allowed for medical reasons...
When ttc number three we tried all the diets, intercourse timing, douches and posotions, you name it we tried it and still got a boy who we wouldnt trade for anything! but wed also love a girl and so would our boys :)
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160254 tn?1270996478
I too didn't read the comments - will once I post this.

PGD- pre-implantation genetic diagnosis.  I used to work for an IVF clinic in the research department.  I lasted about 3 months, before I was out of there.  It was interesting to be behind the scenes.  My office was right next to the therapist too, the one that sees the parents ttc and egg donors.  It was hard to hear their stories.  I didn't have kids at the time so it would be much harder now.  With all that I know about that I have various oppinions on the IVF.  As for PGD -

I think you get what you get!    "accept the gift as if it was the one you had chosen."
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187316 tn?1386356682
I love my first daughter and I love this daughter I am about to have (despite my wanting to have had a boy) but....and I know you are all going to hate me and blah blah blah. I already talked to DH and plan in about 5 years to do the IVF to get a boy. Its not that I wouldn't love to have another daughter but both DH and I only want one more child and then he is getting fixed. If that child for whatever reason ends up being a girl despite trying to have a boy then more power to her... but I think I would be heart broken to go through the rest of my life never having the son that my heart craves or at least trying to do everything that I could to get him. I don't think my other children would resent the baby because my first pregnancy I wanted a daughter super bad and with DH only daughter #2 will be his and I want a boy and girl mini versions of us together (I just happened to get the girl first). Also DH said that he knows I would make him keep getting me pregnant until I got a boy and he doesn't want to end up with 8+ children. I also don't believe in pretending to be God and choosing what your child is going to look like or act like or blah blah blah... but if you already have children and you want to obtain the sex you haven't been able to have then I don't see anything wrong with it. Choosing the sex has nothing to do with the childs features, hair color, eye color, height, etc.
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1194973 tn?1385503904
It would make you wonder how their kids would feel.... I know if my parents did that, and I saw how much money and effort they put into it, I would probably resent that baby, and maybe my parents. To me it almost seems like they're saying they're not happy with the kids they already have because they were of a certain gender. Some might argue that some kids are too young to understand what's going on, but I think kids know more than we give them credit for.  
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676912 tn?1332812551
My whole take on this throwing away embryos thing is that...those are your kids. (Speaking of the women from the show or ones wanting the opposite sex since they have one of the other, and are using this treatment/whatever you want to call it.) They've had X many boys, now they want a girl. SO they love their kids so much, but they throw away maturing embryos...just cause they aren't the right sex...I wonder how their kids feel about them trying for the opposite sex, and spending so much money and time and effort...I wonder if the younger ones, that they were hoping to be girls have any resentment.
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1222635 tn?1366396286
i didn't read all of the comments, but my opinion is slightly different. please, no one start a fight over this, this is just my opinion.
i think chosing the sex of your baby and then throwing out the remaining embryos is wrong. no questions asked. but i also do not agree with the whole IVF thing. i am not judging anyone, or saying anyone that has undergone IVF is a bad person by any means; please do not take it that way, i am just giving my opinion. i think that God blesses us with the ability to advance scientifically, but i also think that we are "playing God" and there is a line that has been crossed somewhere along the way. when you start to create and fertilize embryos when you know most of them will not survive, that...IMO...is wrong. those embryos, according to the Bible, are human beings from the second the sperm and egg and joined together. i think it is no different than cloning or something like that, where the scientists are well aware most of the embryos will not survive. i dont think this type of science is okay, and i think it is crossing the line.
with that said i think we can all agree that chosing the sex is clearly wrong, but it is only natural to WANT a certain sex. there have been many posts on here from women wanting a certain sex for their baby. that doesn't mean that they don't love the baby they are given, it just means they desired something different in the beginning because, lets face it, we are all human and we are all selfish. i will be the first to say IF i have another baby, which i don't think will happen, i will want it to be a boy so that my husband can have a son. i have my little girl, so naturally i am going to want the next baby to be a boy. but chances are good it might not be, and that is okay too, i will love that baby no matter what, and me and my husband agreed we wouldn't try for a baby unless we became okay with either sex. i do not want to be in a position to be disappointed.
but anyways this is all just my opinion, please no one get mad i am not trying to point fingers, judge, or criticize. we all have different opinions and i love each of you no matter what :)
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951898 tn?1296134343
5n1
I dont even know where to start on this subject..I think you ladies did a wonderful job on saying exactly how I feel..IMO even medically necessary, I dont think I could do it...Every female has uteren cancer, including myself....(in remission now, hence the decision to have the baby girl we just had) and heck I know the chances of both of my daughters having the cancer later in life are very great, but I wouldnt change them to boys..God gave me my girls for a reason, and I will never question His reason...I mean really these people have so much money to just throw away, why dont they try giving it to a family who cant have children but cant afford fertility treatment? Its just crazy that it is possible to do it...I would feel guilty saying well I want that one because its a girl or boy, not because I just want a child and I dont care what sex...If that even makes any sense....I mean these are just my opinions and I am in no way able to judge anyone...

And Joy I know exactly which one you are talking about in Old Testament...it gave me chills just thinking about it...

Well, I guess I rambled enough...Like I said these are my opinions and not trying to offend anyone!!!:)
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676912 tn?1332812551
Oh I agree 100%...I get so mad at DH for passing someone on the road who is just turning down a street/getting off the highway...It's not gonna kill him to get where we're going 30 seconds later. I HATE seeing people weaving in and out of traffic...we really should slow down and enjoy life! It's not like you have SOOO much time on this earth to do all these things, if you accomplish everything on your "before I die" checklist, congrats to you, think of some more stuff!

It's not just America they do it in, but we do get what we want here. Being in Korea for a while really changed my perspective on America, almost makes me embarrassed to say I'm an American when it comes to some things...
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Avatar universal
Well Tay Sach's isn't even a gender-related genetic problem but there are genetic issues that are more prevalent in one gender over another. I just can't think of any right now! Being that those are probably so rare there shouldn't be a whole lot people abusing this technology just to get a gender they want. We're so into getting what we want and getting it as fast as we can in America. It makes me so sad! I have to remind myself to SLOW down sometimes and just take life in.
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676912 tn?1332812551
Suffering the consequences is a very good point. "you get what you ask for" may be something they regret later on...
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676912 tn?1332812551
JoyRenee~~~I think you just answered my question for why it may be medically necessary, but it still doesn't make a lot of sense to do it for possible diseases/genetic problems.

The possibility of the opposite sex's issues is still there. Even with genetic testing in pregnancy, there's no guarantee your child won't have problems, i.e. (I was on a Discovery Health kick last night) there was another show on about parents who have to deal with bipolar children, and one with parents dealing with schizophrenic children. Yes you can say "this" runs in my family, or "this"...on my dad's side there are many heart problems with the men, this doesn't mean my brother will have heart problems. IMO it doesn't mean my parents should have stopped with just my sister and I to prevent having a son and him having heart problems...my dad is bipolar, as was a relative of his...he's also schizophrenic. There's no guarantee to be a part of any of my kids, and there's no guarantee it won't be.
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Avatar universal
Bravo to many of the comments above! I think we're all on the same page so far. It just seems wrong to choose one gender over another. Religion aside, of course, there is just something morally wrong with it. Put God in the mix and I agree with the other commenters; be prepared for the consequences. There is an Old Testament story of a man who begged God to not kill his son after God had let him know his son would die at a young age. He begged and begged and begged. God relented and said to be prepared for the consequences. That son grew up and became the WORST king to ever rule. He killed women and babies, for instance and was a horrible tyrant.

We don't always know the plans God has for us; the good, the bad or the ugly. But they all work themselves out for good in the end. So even in the case of genetics I can't say I'm wholeheartedly FOR choosing gender but I can see why it might be beneficial to someone whose child might be born with Tay Sach's (children die before age 5 with that particular disease). I personally would never put genetics over God.

Okay my spiel is done.
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Avatar universal
I didn't read any other comments because I didn't want influence on my opinion.

I feel that this should only be done in situations where genetics play a vital role in ensuring your child isn't born with a genetic problem. For instance there are certain diseases that plague females more than males and vice versa. If a couple wanted to have a healthy child without fear of losing them to a fatal disease or setting them up for a life of pain and misery I think this is a valuable tool.

But I am NOT at all into Designer Babies (as they're called) for the heck of it. We are blessed to have the children we have and if we had selected which fertilized eggs to implant we could've missed out on the blessings we have today.
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Avatar universal
I agree! I want a boy and we bd in positions to get a boy but that's as far as I'd go. I would never "make" a boy. If I have a girl then I was meant to have 3 beautiful girls! I've hear of this before know and always thought it was insane!
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1035252 tn?1427227833
hmm good question. or you could call the cordbank ppl!
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676912 tn?1332812551
Yeah...I was thinking about it, I mean the whole cord blood thing, and all that...I've never really read up on it, I don't know if the sex of the baby being born matters for a transplant...even though, the commercials I've seen the baby whose cord blood saved the sibling was the same sex....hmmm....I feel a google search coming on.
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1035252 tn?1427227833
I don't know...if perhaps they were medically only cleared for one pregnancy ever, and they wanted one particular gender? but even that seems like preference...I have no clue.
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676912 tn?1332812551
Ivy~Oh ok. That makes sense.

I'm not sure how I would feel if I knew a friend/family member were doing it. I mean of course I would accept their decisions, but I wouldn't necessarily suggest it. IMO you get what you get, you want a baby...you get a baby. I wonder why happy and healthy isn't enough?

Anyone have a clue on the "medically necessary" part of it?
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1436083 tn?1291465361
Like AHP84 said, if anyone decides to play God, they should be ready for the consequences. Ok so even if they choose the sex, implant it, and then the baby stays, and they find out it's a boy anyway, what would they do? Abort it and keep trying until they get a girl?? That's s crime agaisnt nature.. Pure and Simple!
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1035252 tn?1427227833
That's very beautiful Audrey...and it's a good thing to remember. I would accept and love any family member who decided to do it, or friend, but I could not personally even imagine considering it.

What I meant, Brinny, was that if you choose the sex to be a boy...but say that for all our science we're wrong about when the choice of sex/gender occurs in the process of embryo growth...so say you time it wrong. even by a day. then you choose a boy that was meant to be a girl and then you have the potential that forever there will be girlish tendencies in your son because we don't 100% understand the process and relationships between gender and sex...we can't even figure out what's different in the minds of people who are homosexual and heterosexual that makes someone with an XX want to be with someone with an XX instead of an XY chromosome pair.

get what I'm saying? we don't understand the process well enough IMO to say that by choosing sex we're also assigning gender. you may choose a boy and get a boy who feels like a girl.
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676912 tn?1332812551
AHP84~~~I'm not judging the life that is created, I believe all life is precious and an innocent child should not be blamed for actions taken by the ones who made it. BUT I am questioning the ones doing the creating.
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