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Decision to keep or abort
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Decision to keep or abort

Hi,

I am a 24 year old girl who is currently working as a law clerk and have just enrolled in my law degree by correspondence.  I have fallen pregnant i am nearly 12 weeks and i have been very stressed and sick with worry as to what i do with the baby. I am in a relationship with a guy for only a year but my ex still wont leave me alone which causes stress on the relationship. I have just brought my first house about a year ago with my twin sister and thats where i live now. If i choose to have the baby i will have to move out of home.

I am scared of what my future holds and dont want to be a failure to my family.

My nan thinks i am not ready for baby and has always wanted me to succeed in my career.

My mum and dad support whatever decision so does the father of the baby.  I am just scared of everything.

Please help.
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38 Comments Post a Comment
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290867_tn?1333572878
I dont believe in abortion its cruel. I also believe if your responsible enough to have sex you are responsible to have the baby. There is always Adoption. All the women on this forum are pregnant or are trying to become pregnant. I think its sad that people who try for years to become pregnant and cant then people like you get pregnant and wernt trying or dont even want the baby.
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305005_tn?1358731890
hi, i dont agree with abortion and cant tell ya what to do, but all i can say is i had my first son at 17.( birthcontrol did not work, yes i was taking it right) he did not ruin my life, i still got to do my goals, just took longer. me and my sons dads no longer together, but i have a great husband now. my kids are my life. i know i made the best choice for me and i dont think my boys 7 and 5 could have a better life. good luck
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383457_tn?1199927614
I want a baby more than anything, but can understand that life can deal us both the complete oppisite. Just remember that you may not be ready for a baby-but someone else is! So it may not be suitable for you to raise a baby, but you can sure carry it for someone that may not be able to. It's only 9 months that you'd have to surrender you body and then you can make someones dreams come true!! Silly as it sounds watch the movie JUNO that just came out. It may help you to relate this to your emotions and someone elses, so that making this decision easier. It can all work out-just keep your chin up!
~KH
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320773_tn?1202776088
If you decide to abort this baby, you will live with a lifetime of regrets, sorrow, and sadness, it will eat you alive. I understand you not being ready for a child, I was 18 and not ready for one either, but I had him and he is now almost 10 and my world. It seems like you want to have this baby, but you are worried about your career and the life you are working hard on building, but I can promise you this, your career will still be there after the baby is born, and having the baby will only make you want to suceed more so than ever before. If you just cannot deal with having the baby, please, I urge you to consider adoption, not abortion, I would do anything to have not m/c last month. There are women and families all over this world that are trying desperately to concieve (conceive) children and may never get to where their only hope and chance is adoption.
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332156_tn?1266846739
You should listen to these ladies....I gotten pregnant at 18 had him at 19 got pregnant AGAIN at 19 and had my daughter at 20.  I went to school for cosmetology and did everything that I wanted to do.  I dont regret anything that I have ever done in my life.  My kids are my world..they are me.  If you open your legs...then take responsibility for your actions! Especially since you have a supporting family.  You can do this.  There are women on here that would love to even adopt if they cant have children....give them an opportunity to take care of a baby they cant have.  Adoption beats abortions ANYDAY!  Good luck and I hope you make a VERY wise decision!  
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287246_tn?1318573663
I myself do not  believe in abortion.  Most on this forum don't.  All I can tell you is that I got pregnant for the first time when I was 17.  I was a senior in HS and had to tell my parents.  It was very difficult and scary but I did it.  I had him and he is now 14.  Did that change my life?  Yes it did.  Was that what I planned?  No, it was not.  But that's what happened and I'm not sorry.  My children are my life and truly my motivation.  They inspire me to be all I can be and to be the best that I can be.  Everyday I look at them and want them to be proud to call me mom.  I now have 5 children.  I have registered to go back to school twice and had to put it off because I ended up pregnant.  So what??  I just had to put it off for a while.  I do want a career someday.  There are things out there that I want to do.  There is more I have to offer, I think, than only being a mother.  But, I can't imagine putting my career before my children.  That's just how moms think.  We always put our children first.

I did recently complete a course through distance education for Real Estate Appraising.

Cindy,
Couldn't have said it better myself...

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338123_tn?1217508931
Abortion is the most selfish thing u or any woman could do. there are so many woman out there that ache to hold a child of their own, My sister-in-law and brother would love to have a child, unfortunatly she is unable to get pregnant, and they would make wonderful parents. Im so tired of these so called adults coming on here asking about abortion. if you r not ready to have a child use a freaking condom and get on birth control pills or better yet DON'T HAVE SEX IT COULD CAUSE PREGNANCY. give a couple a chance of having a baby, and don't abort.
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320773_tn?1202776088
Ya'll, I am as much against abortion as all of you if not more, but if you really read what she is saying, I honestly don't think she wants to have an abortion, I think she needs reassuring that her career will still be here after the baby. There are some women on here like last night with that whole abortion thing that drove everyone mad, but I dunno, I just don't think she is really wanting to abort, I think she is scared, like all of us younger mothers, I am hoping anyway. It could be just I myself have had a miserably depressing day today also.
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Avatar_f_tn
hi everyone,

yur correct judylacar i am very scared I would never want to harm the baby at all I am just worried and stressed that i will give it a good life, i dont have a clue what to do as a mother or even where to start. My career is a big thing with my family and didnt want to disappoint them as many people i know have said this to me. There is nothing more than i would like to bring an angel into this world but to do this i have not a clue and wanted to know advice from people who have dealt with similar situation
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305005_tn?1358731890
i aggree with you, sometimes these things just happen, hell i was on b/c with my first son , took them like i was suppose to and all, i still got my son and wouldnt take nothing in the world for him. but all we can do is pray that she will make the right desion and try to point her in the right way
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Avatar_f_tn
I am only 16, and by no means ready to take care of a baby. But this has happened to me, these are the cards I was dealt.. I should have taken more precautions and I wouldn't be in this situation.. But since It was my actions that gave me these consequences, I know that I need to step up and do what is right. I am going to take care of this baby.. And if for some reason [I don't know what kind of reason could foce me, because  I already love this baby, here at 19 weeks pregnant] if for some reason, i couldn't take care of this baby at all and I knew it, I would make sure that he/she gets to live in a home that will love him/her and do the best they can at giving the baby a better life. Just because you made a mistake and had something given to you that you didn't expect or arent ready for, doesn't mean that your baby should not have a chance to live just like you and I had. Even if it means in someone else's life.
I am sorry you are in this situation, I know it's a hard decision but Please don't abort.
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293420_tn?1243146538
Didn't you post about this situation about 4-6 weeks ago? I think if you really wanted to have an abortion, you would have done so in the past 2 months since you found out you were pregnant. At this point, keep the baby. You're pretty far along...I found out that I was having a boy at 13 1/2 weeks. Your baby is already that developed!

I'm also 24 years old. I have a 17 month old, I'm married, I work full time, and I'm going to grad school. Sometimes it sucks, but it's all worth it. I wouldn't change it for the world!

I got married and then got pregnant on purpose. I wanted a baby from the beginning. However, I still had times throughout my pregnancy where I was scared and would cry thinking that I had ruined my life. It's a choice that I couldn't take back, and I was freaked out! Again, I had intentionally done this to myself...so I can imagine how you feel.

You can do it! Life begins when you have children. I don't remember all of the stupid and pointless things that I did before having my son. All of the dumb things that were so important at the time....it's funny to think back on those kinds of things now. It's not easy...but you can do it and you'll have the greatest time ever. Good luck :)
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Avatar_f_tn
by the way, are you sure you would aactually have to move if you had this baby? If you are positive, yes this will be stressful on you.. and probably your ex as well, but maybe if he learns you are pregnant with your curent boyfriend that's what it will take for him to move on and leave you alone.
Just think about what you decide because you are the only one who can make a decision, but make sure you weigh the decisions.
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320773_tn?1202776088
There is a song that just came out and was released here in Texas with one of the most awesome song titles, that basically talks about this very thing, only from a fathers perspective, it is called The Best Mistake of My Life and that has got to be the truest statement I have ever heard in my life when it comes to my children.
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305005_tn?1358731890
hey, i dont think there is ever a time when you will have a clue weather you will be a good mom or not or   where  to start, even after 2 kids its still a learning experance to me. all i can say is look at your options, decide whats your heart tells you.
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Avatar_f_tn
yes i do have to move out as my sister does not want to live with me and a baby which i respect.
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194033_tn?1230787005
It can be very scary to bring a child into the world when you feel as though you are not ready (is anyone ever really "ready"?) However, I can assure you that it is even more scary to abort one's own offspring and have to live with the guilt from doing so. But from the looks of it, you really dont want to, which is a good thing :-) Dont let anyone tell you that you are not ready to have your child, because quite honestly the fact that you are concerned for your unborn child shows that you ARE ready, in my opinion. I think you will be a great mom :-)
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325319_tn?1220591998
Hi-
i was 15 when i got pregnant with my daughter (shes 7 now) and i know how it feels for you to feel like you are going to disappoint people or be a "failure" BUT let me tell you. Its not like that at all, sure at first people might not be so fond of the idea of a baby, but it DOES NOT ruin your life.  I had my daughter, finished high school, went to beauty school and now am a manager of  hair salon, also preggo with #2! :) and i never imagined having a child so young, but she is the best thing that ever happened to me. i dont think you are ever really "ready" to have a baby, but its the best blessing in the world. please dont harm your baby, there is too many people in this world that CANT have babies. there is always adoption. please give your baby a chance to live a wonderful life even if its not with you!
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355049_tn?1272259988
I dont agree/believe in abortion! I think if you are old enough to lie down then you are old enough to stand up and take responsibility for your actions! I am 25 and have 2 children and one on the way..... It may be difficult having a child usually has its up and downs, good and bad... However I wouldnt change my children for anything in the world.... I dont understand how if you are buying the house with your sister, why will you need to move out? Why not just find a place  on your own then? I hope that your sister would not make you move out! I hope that you check into your options and what an abortion actually is! Can you live with yourself everyday knowing that you have taken that babies chance at a life and a future? If you dont want or dont think you can take care of your baby let someone else do it! Many families would love to be in your position only to have the baby would be a miracle for some. And women think that its ok to just get rid of their "problem". Honey its a baby with a heart beating inside of you, growing through you! Please just think very very long and hard before you decide. you can always finish school after you have the baby.... The baby should be more of a reason to further your carreer.  You are a woman, be strong and take care of your baby!!!!!!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
for the record this is my first time on her and only come on here to get opinions and to help me face my problems and deal with it.
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191945_tn?1201821171
I do not by any means agree with abortion.. I do not believe it is right to stop a beating heart, or even a heart that hasn't yet begun to beat.  You are pretty far along and I do believe there is evidence to show that your baby will feel the affects of abortion.. "The Silent Scream."  My sister found out she was pregnant at 15 and delivered her daughter at 16.  Yes, it is a life changing event and nothing will be the same but this baby or any baby for that matter is a blessing and I'm not exactly trying to be rude but Who are you to play God???  I had a miscarriage in Feb and would have done ANYTHING to carry my child to term and have him or her with me now, I wasn't given that choice.. Now I am almost 10 weeks pregnant and could not be happier, I don't understand how you couldn't feel some sort of bond with your child.. I love this baby more than anything already, there are no words to describe it, I can not even begin to express the happiness and joy I felt when I saw my baby on the ultrasound at 8w5d, I saw the heart beating and the baby even moved a little..there are soo many women who are on this forum and other forums that DESPERATELY want to have a baby but are having some problems and yet here you are pregnant and are conisdering abortion.. its beyond me to be brutally honest.. if you don't want this baby in your life give it up for adoption just please please dont' abort this baby.. I believe if you choose to have sex you should be prepared for what happens from that, hence A BABY... You can finish school and have a baby.. here I am finishing my basics and will then be back in July of 09' to go back to Nursing School.. you can do it.. it may be hard but you can do it.... I hope you choose to keep your baby...
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376739_tn?1317669990
Hi sweetie! You really do have a tough decision! What I believe doesn't matter. But what do you believe? Can I tell you a little bit about your baby right now? I know you're 12 weeks along, but at 11 weeks you baby has ALL of his/her major organ systems in place and is recognizable as a human being.

No longer is the baby called "embryo" but is now known as "fetus", a Latin word meaning, "Young One".

Your baby is two inches long. Your baby's body will grow very rapidly the next few weeks and the tissue and organ systems will continue to mature and differentiate. The eyelids are fully formed and closed to protect the eyes.

Your child can yawn and suck his/her thumb.

When a baby is conceived, it has all the genetic material to build a body, organs, muscles... AND personality! Your little one is already a little person, with a mind and heartbeat.

Whatever choice you make is one you have to live with for the rest of your life. Just because your dreams are put on hold doesn't mean they won't happen. In fact, you may be driven harder to succeed just for that sweet, precious baby.

Please let me know if you'd like to talk. You can message me privately any time!
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339491_tn?1201708187
Hello Iaw84.  I know you have a hard decision to make and no one can make it for you.  Have you heard the baby's heart beat yet???  If not, maybe you should go have a listen before making your decision.  Or, go for an ultra sound if you can.  At 12 weeks you'll see your baby's heart beating and you'll see him/her moving around.  I had an ultra sound done at 10 weeks and it was the most amazing thing ever.  You baby is alive in your uterus.  Just think about it before making your decision.  
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383008_tn?1200592182
wow, most of these women are very cruetial with their comments about this subject, but you know what, you shouldn't listen to them, honestly!!! whatever you are thinking deep within your heart, than that is what you need to listen to. if you want to have the baby, than have the baby, if you are leaning more towards the abortion, than have the abortion. if you are thinking of having the baby and than giving him/her up for adoption for another family, than do that., these people are very cruel with their comments, and you shouldn't get upset about them. these are the types of people that are so miserable in life and u would see on one of those picket lines outside of an abortion clinic trying to make girls feel bad about the decision that they had to make, so honestly hunny, do what ur heart is telling you to do, and that is the best advice that u will get, listen to your heart.
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202436_tn?1326477933
No one goes into their first pregnancy KNOWING what to do...it's partly instinct and partly a learning process. I had my first child a month shy of my 19th birthday...the father fell out of the picture with record speed.  SHe is now 11 and I have never regretted the road i turned on to by choosing to have her.  There are millions of women all over the world who have children either alone or with the father and continue to pursue their career and other life goals.  It sounds like you have a strong support network, that is very important.  Take advantage of it.  This is a decision only you can make, but remember...even if you decide that you can't handle parenthood at this stage in your life there are thousands of couples out there who would be overjoyed to your child a loving, caring, stable home.  
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191945_tn?1201821171
I find your comment very offensive... after reading my comment I realized that I had come about it the wrong way, and I apologized, I even sent a private message apoligizing to her.. and yes she should follow her heart.. I just dont' believe in abortion with that being said I should go about voicing my opinion in a different way... as for your comment about these are the types of people that are so miserable in their lives you are so incredibly wrong, I am not miserable in any way shape or form.. I will voice my opinion when I am asked, again I should do it in a positive manner, and I would not be standing outside an abortion clinic doing that to girls, it is their decision but when I'm asked I would tell them what I thought.. Most of these women on this forum either have children or are desperately trying to conceive, you should think about what you say before you come onto a forum like this when people want a baby soo desperately and are having trouble conceiving..
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320773_tn?1202776088
Very true Danielle, could not have said it better if I had tried
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339491_tn?1201708187
Just because somone is pro life doesn't make them miserable in their lives!  I'm 100% pro life and not at all miserable.  And just because these woman want an innocent little baby to be able to have a chance at life doesn't make them miserable.  Yes, it is her decision to make, but she came onto this forum and asked for our help/opinions and that's what we gave her!!
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376739_tn?1317669990
Guys, she already decided to keep the baby. I believe she titled that post "Decision" if you want to take a look-sy. Let's not get in a fight about how we addressed this and just remember to be sweet next time around. There will always be someone questioning what to do!
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Avatar_n_tn
I think you are 24 and an adult!!! And for heavens sake, 12 weeks pregnant!! You have a half developed child in there.  

SO PLEASE HAVE YOUR BABY...you are going to love the baby once they are here.  If not, you can put up your baby for adoption....there are sOOOOO many parents out there who would love to have a baby in their lives.
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327668_tn?1224795950
Law I understand what kind of situation you are in, and its very difficult to make this decision by yourself and have no support. You are 24 though and an adult. You can do it. I know it looks hard now. I am also currently pregnant and trying to attend school for a bachelor's degree.
It isn't impossible to be able to do both, you can summon the strength deep down inside that you don't even know you have.
If you have to move, then so be it. You can do it girl! People juggle both, even though the first year is difficult. You will get help with babysitting. Contact your local Social Services, let them know your situation, perhaps even some support groups or councling will help you. If only for the support that you need right now. I'm not gonna lie, it will put stress on you relationship and school life, but you will get through it. Mom and dad will help out! I hope all goes well for you, please give us some updates to how you are doing. *Hugz* everything will be alright.
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202436_tn?1326477933
As Joy said this lady has already made her decision to keep the baby.  She has a new post titled "DECISION".  
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287246_tn?1318573663
THANK YOU MO41486!!!!!!  And Danielle, you have nothing to feel bad about.  This is a public forum and is based on people's experiences and opinions.  We all know that coming onto this forum!!!  If we don't get passionate about our babies, what should we be passionate about??  That is the thing in my life that I am the most passionate about!!
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383008_tn?1200592182
to all of you that felt so deeply about writting to me and my comment that i wrote, i really do not care what you have said to me, i wrote her my response, and that is what i felt, some of the comments were very cruel and yes, nobody can say they weren't., so, yes, i do understand what it is like to be unbelieveably stressful to try and conceive because this morning i woke to having my period when thinking i was pregnant, and it is killing me today, i cant stop crying., feels like im being punished from god because when i was younger, i had an abortion and everyday its killing me because not a day goes by when i dont think about it, everything i went through and the physical pain i had at the time, and still to this day it hurts like nobody can believe and if i could go back in time, than i would go in a second, but that is something that i cannot do., just writting this is making me cry, because it hurts much more than these words can ever explain!!! i wrote those things because i do know what it is like to be in her shoes, and believe me, its not an easy situation to be in, but this is a pregnancy forum, i do know that, and that is why i joined, but when i read things like some of those women wrote, its not going to do anything, but make any girl want to run to the clinic., people do things more when they are told not to do them, and i think each and everyone of us can say that they've done so, so when you do write to someone about such a sensitive topic, you need to be caring and understanding, not hurtful. so i do apologize again for writting my cruel things that i did write about the people leaving such hurtful comments, i do not know anyone on here, and i shouldnt say anything about people i do not know., so please accept my apologizes everyone, IM SORRY  ~~nicole
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358455_tn?1277437219
i just wanted to compliment you on how you handled this, i dont know your background or what you hope to get from this forum, but i think you are very useful to those that are here! how i wish i had had someone to talk to and just to give me the facts and offer help when i was in her similar position years ago. it takes integrity to not cast stones with a topic like this, even if it means a lot to you. i hope it can encourage the rest of us to do the same. =D
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376739_tn?1317669990
Aw, that was sweet. I have training in how to speak on subjects like these. I volunteer at Birthright, a crisis pregnancy center. It's actually the first pregnancy center ever, in the world, and it started in Canada. We now have... I think 600 Birthright locations throughout Canada, the US, and a few sprinkled in other parts of the world.

I stumbled on this forum when I was trying to ask the doctor about period issues and for some reason, MedHelp sent me to this forum (I have no clue how I got here). I've been here ever since offering advice. Now I want to TTC and have baby #3!!!
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364288_tn?1300148106
Wow! Your emotions must be pulling you in all kinds of directions. Personally I don't believe in aborting a child because of one irresponsable night, but that will be a decision you yourself will have to make. Like some of the other people on here say there is always adoption. I was adopted and know my biological family and feel very blessed to have both families in my life! I hope you will be able to clear your mind so you can make the right decision for yourself. Good Luck to you! I'll be praying for you.
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470006_tn?1240900463
Hi there,

I just read your post and dont know what dicision you made, hope you kept the baby. I made the mistake of losing mine and not a day goes by that I dont ache for the loss. I wish I had been stronger and not let myself be influenced into something I did not want to do. I cant make time go back, but I can tell all young or older ladies.....please...please do not abort. there is allways a way and you will be so so happy that you had your baby. Look for a friend to give you support and believe in God. He has a plan for us all.

God Bless you all.

Cristy
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