Aa
Dilema.. please tell me if I'm overreacting
So my fiance and I are expecting our first child in September.
We dont make a lot of money together, but enough.
He just recently bought (6 mo ago) a bran new car with a $500 car payment.
Our house needs a lot of work, carpet is so gross (party's trashed it and puppies seriously made it horrible, stains and many other things are on it)
We did our tax returns and got $1000 back each. My fiance said that since he's going to have a child soon he wants to get everything done with his car now because he knows he wont be able to afford it when the baby is here. With the tax return money he lowered his car and put new rims and wheels on it. the $2000 grand is gone. So He's now getting back into school and is getting stafford loans which he said we could use to fix up the house (end of August).
Whatever.. so now, since we're getting that government check (every middle class family should be getting one) he says he wants to use that money on something else for his car.
my point: I used my $1000 for him
I'm going to use the government check on the house and he's using it on his car.
Why is he thinking all about himself. We have a house to get ready, and baby things to buy for the nursry.. omg! I'm so mad!
opinions please
We dont make a lot of money together, but enough.
He just recently bought (6 mo ago) a bran new car with a $500 car payment.
Our house needs a lot of work, carpet is so gross (party's trashed it and puppies seriously made it horrible, stains and many other things are on it)
We did our tax returns and got $1000 back each. My fiance said that since he's going to have a child soon he wants to get everything done with his car now because he knows he wont be able to afford it when the baby is here. With the tax return money he lowered his car and put new rims and wheels on it. the $2000 grand is gone. So He's now getting back into school and is getting stafford loans which he said we could use to fix up the house (end of August).
Whatever.. so now, since we're getting that government check (every middle class family should be getting one) he says he wants to use that money on something else for his car.
my point: I used my $1000 for him
I'm going to use the government check on the house and he's using it on his car.
Why is he thinking all about himself. We have a house to get ready, and baby things to buy for the nursry.. omg! I'm so mad!
opinions please
Screw that!!!! Trust and believe that I wouldn't have used that money on him! He might have been mad at you but oh well life goes on. You know what you have to do to get your house together for the baby. I would have taken that money and fixed it up screw his car it's not like it being pimped out is going to do anything for the baby! You should have taken that money and spent it on the house and suck up his whinney ness. When you get the money that is comeing to you, then spend it like you want to for the baby. Don't give into his fake I gotta fix my care before the baby comes. That care isn't going to make a safe house for your child. Be stong and do whats best for the baby. Hopefully when the baby comes he'll straighten up and realize that that baby is first. If not I would drop that loser. Good luck and keep your head up. Congrats on the baby the first one is so amazeing!!!!
my husband is the bread winner around here he wants me to be a SAHM, so i am fine with that....we got back 4,000 on our taxes...we built and extra room since we are ttc, bought a new living room set, put hardwood in our 2 bathrooms, traded our truck in for a car with room for 4 and he is reapairing his work truck a little at a time. my son has asthma so when we get the tax insentive check from the government we plan on taking our carpet up and putting down tile and hardwood, except for bedrooms. my DH did complain a lil that he wouldnt have enough left over to do what he wanted with it but he is actually pretty happy since he done all the reapirs his self so he went and bought him some new tools NOW HE'S HAPPY....LOL! just sit and talk with him, make a budget plan, i would definetly ask him to fix the carpet seeing as anything can set up asmtha in children, as for his car if u make a budget plan, whatever is left over i would let him have at.....but tell him to keep in mind that he has a family to take car of and if he doesnt want to compromise then you do whatever it takes, even if you have to give him an ultimatum! best of luck to you!
ooo i hate when they pull that "i make more money i can do with it what i will" bull. so freakin what does anybody pay you to be a mother? does anybody pay you to lend your body out for nearly a yr? not that its something bad i mean motherhood is the greatest, but its not a vacation. its not a "you" thing. men are on a completley different level than us when it comes to money/family, but let me not speak for everyone there are some really family oriented guys out there. for instance, when my girls got sick with the flu running temps of 104 i stayed up all night checking their temps re wetting their washcloths, because really i was too scared to sleep. i wanted them to sleep with us because i might fall asleep and forget to check up on them if they were in their own rooms. hubby had a fit saying theres not enough room blah blah blah they will be fine! i said well then get your *** on the couch! they are sleeping in here with me! he finally went to sleep in bed with us and the entire night when i woke them up for tylenol and they were crying and coughing, he snoozed right through it. THANK GOD FOR MOTHERS! girl, you and him having problems is one thing, but when it comes to your children youve got to put your foot down, they arent able to do it for themselves. and i used to go to a group called MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) and they always stressed the fact that hubby is supposed to come first. well i never fully agreed with that. i love mine to death and im a good wife but in this life i am first and foremost a MOTHER and i know my hubby appreciates that about me because i always do whats best for them even if he cant see it at the time. men get sidetracked. especially those who are momma's boys which mine is and raised with three sisters i swear they pampered him and basically babyfied him so im left to do the rest of the raising. i dont make any money, i stay at home, but my days are much busier than his, and hes threw that $ stuff in my face one day and i get it. he works, he makes $, but that is OUR money, not his. I work for that money just as he does, and yet i get nothing for myself, i get exited going grocery shopping! lol i wish you luck with this one it probably wont be the last time you have to deal with something like this but he will grow up. you just stick to your guns and do WHATEVER it takes to make sure that baby has all that it needs, with or without his approval or cooperation.
Maybe he needs a reality check...I've heard of other women printing these pages and sharing them with the father of their baby to help him get the hint that he is not stepping up to the plate with the baby situation...some guys don't get it...good luck...by the way, has he always been this selfish? It sounds like he is taking advantage of the fact that you aren't independent yet with your career and finances...a partner should never prey on the other's weakness! Sorry to sound critical but he just doesn't seem ready to be a partner or father.
all i could say that hasnt been said is start addin things up write it down. if you plan on breastfeeding dont hold your breath on it. i tryed untill i was crying i had a lactation(sp?) woman helping me and everything. she (my dd) sucked so hard and much i was bleeding. so formula is very expensive something we werent lookin in to buying b/c i was going to breastfeed. so a can of formula can go from $11-15 a can depending on where you buy it and the size. yeah you can have a baby shower but people only buy the cute clothes and stuff your baby can only use once. then after the diappers people bought you for the baby say a month or two worth is gone look into buying the big boxes of them. you start to thank "HEY 200 DIAPPERS FOR $35 SOUNDS GREAT!" untill that 200 diappers is gone in a week or two. then you get into wipes. and they grow out of cloths soo fast. i have to buy her new outfits every 2-3 months. and that is expensive even if you go to a second hand store.
He needs to figure out what is more important. his stupid freekin car or you and the baby. and what if the baby gets sick after it is born and it is stuck in the hospital for a while?? My cousin and his wifes baby was born at 38w, and even though he was a big baby he is still in the nicu (over a week now) becuase his lungs werent developed enough. yalls will be at the hospital so much he wont even have time to worry about what the car looks like. He needs a really good kick in the butt.
If you can tell him to get his act together or you are going back home to your parents or a good friends untill he does. then you can see what type of man/boy you are getting ready to marry. Good luck
He needs to figure out what is more important. his stupid freekin car or you and the baby. and what if the baby gets sick after it is born and it is stuck in the hospital for a while?? My cousin and his wifes baby was born at 38w, and even though he was a big baby he is still in the nicu (over a week now) becuase his lungs werent developed enough. yalls will be at the hospital so much he wont even have time to worry about what the car looks like. He needs a really good kick in the butt.
If you can tell him to get his act together or you are going back home to your parents or a good friends untill he does. then you can see what type of man/boy you are getting ready to marry. Good luck
well heres the thing. he makes a lot more money than I do.. so he says he makes more money so he can get the things he wants.
He says I dont help him with money.. he helps me because I'm still going to school and working only 30 hours a week.
god, I hate this! why are we fighting about this when I'm 4 months pregnatn!! UGH!!!
He says I dont help him with money.. he helps me because I'm still going to school and working only 30 hours a week.
god, I hate this! why are we fighting about this when I'm 4 months pregnatn!! UGH!!!
You said you help him out with things moneywise but don't spend anything on yourself!! Well next time he needs money from you tell him you'd like to help but you're saving for the baby or tell him you don't have it because you bought this or that for the baby. If you spend it on the baby quickly the moey is not there to fight over :)
Can I ask how old your BF is? It sounds like he needs to get his priorities straight...I'd ask him if having new toys on his car is more important that his baby crawling around on scuzzy carpets......
And how cool does he think that his pimped out car is going to look with a carseat in the back?
I dunno girl....I feel for you.....You;re way more patient and forgiving than I would be....
And how cool does he think that his pimped out car is going to look with a carseat in the back?
I dunno girl....I feel for you.....You;re way more patient and forgiving than I would be....
I was going to leave a comment but looks like everyone already said what I think..lol...Good luck!!!
I agree guys are idiots. My hubby has yet to buy anything for the baby. I'm 4+mo. preggo. He's stuck on buying new videogames every month and wants an Ipod and new laptop. UGH. I put my foot down and told him over my dead body. He's already got this computer, a hd tv, and a ps3 w/ games and all.
I told him he'd better start buying maternity clothes for me and stuff for baby or he'd never see a penny of money for himself due to me getting child support from him. He saw I was serious and apologized but has yet to buy anything.
I told him he'd better start buying maternity clothes for me and stuff for baby or he'd never see a penny of money for himself due to me getting child support from him. He saw I was serious and apologized but has yet to buy anything.
Omg what a greedy *******!
Tell him the god damn car can wait!
He doesn't need stupid hydrolics and stupid rims a f*cking car is a f*ucking car.
You better get in his face and tell it like it is.
Y'all have a baby on the way and he needs to stop being greedy and only thinking about himself.
Y'all coulda used that 2k to fix up y'alls house, or to pay off a big chunk of his car payments... and those loans he's gunna get can go towards more things y'all need for the baby n what not to prepare for it
WTF I hate ignorant self people!
My fiancee was supposed to save up a money so he could come visit me because before we moved in together, I was quite a while away.
So he ended up saving up like 2 er 3 checks, and then went to Walmart and bought himself a PS2, some games, a controller, and a f*cking memory card.
Didn't even consult me about it first.
Seeing I was gunna be moving in with him soon, I already HAD a PS2, and 1 of the games he had boughten which was GTA San Andreas.
So it took even LONGER before he could come visit me.
That sh*t p*ssed me off.
You shoulda put up a big fight about his car.
That was flat out WRONG of him to do when he KNOWS y'all have more important things to spend your money on over his stupid car!
God that made me so mad!!
lol
Just start telling him like it is.
Just cuz he's the guy doesn't mean he's in control.
My fiancee tried pullin that one on me, but I made it very clear that I'M the one in control in this relationship because it's obvious that if it wasn't for me, we'd be in a financial suicide.
Tell him the god damn car can wait!
He doesn't need stupid hydrolics and stupid rims a f*cking car is a f*ucking car.
You better get in his face and tell it like it is.
Y'all have a baby on the way and he needs to stop being greedy and only thinking about himself.
Y'all coulda used that 2k to fix up y'alls house, or to pay off a big chunk of his car payments... and those loans he's gunna get can go towards more things y'all need for the baby n what not to prepare for it
WTF I hate ignorant self people!
My fiancee was supposed to save up a money so he could come visit me because before we moved in together, I was quite a while away.
So he ended up saving up like 2 er 3 checks, and then went to Walmart and bought himself a PS2, some games, a controller, and a f*cking memory card.
Didn't even consult me about it first.
Seeing I was gunna be moving in with him soon, I already HAD a PS2, and 1 of the games he had boughten which was GTA San Andreas.
So it took even LONGER before he could come visit me.
That sh*t p*ssed me off.
You shoulda put up a big fight about his car.
That was flat out WRONG of him to do when he KNOWS y'all have more important things to spend your money on over his stupid car!
God that made me so mad!!
lol
Just start telling him like it is.
Just cuz he's the guy doesn't mean he's in control.
My fiancee tried pullin that one on me, but I made it very clear that I'M the one in control in this relationship because it's obvious that if it wasn't for me, we'd be in a financial suicide.
Sounds like he's feeling overwhelmed that baby is coming and this car is sort of his last attachment to bachelorhood, it's his only link to HIMSELF, apart from being a husband and now a father.
Age will never play a role in this. He is just wanting something completely to himself and I'm sure he realizes that once baby comes he won't GET to soup up his car like he just did. I say YOU hold on to the government check to either pay off debt or put it 100% toward baby things you NEED. Tell him he got to "play" with tax return so you get to use the government check for practical stuff.
Age will never play a role in this. He is just wanting something completely to himself and I'm sure he realizes that once baby comes he won't GET to soup up his car like he just did. I say YOU hold on to the government check to either pay off debt or put it 100% toward baby things you NEED. Tell him he got to "play" with tax return so you get to use the government check for practical stuff.
because men are selfish little babies! lol i love my DH to death but hes like that too, its like hes an extra kid of mine sometimes. having the car "lowered" and such things are not really necassary, tell him that you want him to have things he wants, but to take care of the things you guys NEED first. because that baby can't just do things for itself, it depends on you guys for the things it needs. it just takes men a lot longer than women to grow up, sometimes having children does that for them, sometimes not. In this sort of situation i have to be really careful how i approach DH about it, because if I come off too naggy about it he wont listen and just think im trying to boss him around. lol i know this sounds horrible but lay a guilt trip on him, like one day when he comes home from work be all teary eyed and when he askes whats wrong just say "well i was looking online at this nursery stuff today and i really wish our baby would be able to have things like that. i keep trying to save money but i know you really want your car fixed up and im trying to help. i just wish we could give our baby those sort of things, ill be ok."
I totally agree with you! I would tell your fiance that he got to use your income taxes for his car, and now you get to use the money your getting for the baby, or fixing up the house and that's how it's going to be... He didn't even ask you, he just took and that's not right or fair...... Tell him that he needs to stop thinking of himself and think of that baby...... he got his expensive car, with high payments and took your money.. It's time for him to grow up! I'm sorry if I seem strong, but men like that just tick me off........
True: we keep arguing about this car thing though. He wants it!!
I tell him that I'm spending all my petty cash to help him get the things he wants.. and also to fix up the house for the baby.. its not like I want to spend the money on things other the house.. I'd like to spend it on a vacation, or a day at the spa or some new clothes. BUT I DONT.
Gosh, I'm so mad right now..
I tell him that I'm spending all my petty cash to help him get the things he wants.. and also to fix up the house for the baby.. its not like I want to spend the money on things other the house.. I'd like to spend it on a vacation, or a day at the spa or some new clothes. BUT I DONT.
Gosh, I'm so mad right now..
Money seems to be the worst thing my husband and I fight about.
As far as your fiance goes he wants to have nice things now but he will regret spending that money on silly things like his car. A baby is so expensive! He needs to think about the carpet and when the baby starts crawling, the baby won't be crawling around in his silly lowered car but on the stained carpet! I guess when my husband really changed was the minute he saw our beautiful baby girl.
A woman becomes a mother when she finds out shes pregnant, A man becomes a father the first time he sees his baby.
As far as your fiance goes he wants to have nice things now but he will regret spending that money on silly things like his car. A baby is so expensive! He needs to think about the carpet and when the baby starts crawling, the baby won't be crawling around in his silly lowered car but on the stained carpet! I guess when my husband really changed was the minute he saw our beautiful baby girl.
A woman becomes a mother when she finds out shes pregnant, A man becomes a father the first time he sees his baby.
I agree that the car can wait. What he needs to be thinking about is what is good for you and the baby. Also you said that his car payment is 500 a month. Well to save some money have them defer the payment for a couple of month (which they should be able to do if he has a good history with them) that will at least give you 500 more a month to work with. But really have his mom call him or something and whip him into shape about what is important. I would be SO upset if I was you!
I agree with you. The car can wait, and doesn't even need to be done! If it needed repairs to be safe then yes I would agree but spending money to lower it and make it look "good" is a bit much. I would definitely talk to him about this and stress that you will be having a baby soon and need the money to go to the baby and repairs to make your house safe for said baby.
Good Luck!
Good Luck!
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