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Disagreement over amnio
So some of your know that I declined the amnio to find out if my little princess has DS about a month ago. Well today I just brought up the subject with DH on when we should do it. I was thinking around 32 weeks. I want to do it for peace of mind and to know what to expect before she is born. DH is dead set against it!! He wont even think about it. He says he doesnt want to know and that it is in Gods hands. I want to be prepared! I know that its my body and if I really want to do it, I will , but I would really like his support. UGH!! He doesnt want to take a chance that anything bad will happen to me or the baby. He just dosent undersatnd. What do you ladies think?? Should I just wait and find out when she is born?? Or should I go against my DH and do it anyways?? Too many desisions, lol:)
Thanks, Tabitha
Thanks, Tabitha
Thanks, I know the odds arent that bad but with the abnormal u/s I was told the odd would be something like 1:89.............I think, I dont remember the exact number. Im so glad your babies are fine. Those are scary odds you had. I couldnt imagine:( Thanks again:)
1:170 isnt really that bad.... most likely your baby is fine. I had odds on both my twins that were much worse: 1:23 and 1:48. We also debated what to do because having invasive prenatal testing was never our plan....but my doctor had made me such a nervous wreck that we decided to go ahead and have a specialist do the CVS in the 12th week....just for the peace of mind. Turned out that both had no chromosome abnormalities....and it was soooo nice to have that issue cleared up and finally I was able to regain my pregnancy and enjoy it again after a month of un-necessary stress.
I also have a 22 month old DD and when I was in the 30th week with her, we found out that she had a small VSD (hole in the heart).... it turned out to not be a big deal at all but it was good for us to be prepared for it and also to
A friend of mine"s sister found out in the middle of the pregnancy that her daughter would be born with a clef lip. She was also glad to have found out while pregnant because they were able to inform themselves and monitor her and also speak to the doctor that would later be operating on her to correct her lip. I know that they were glad to know as well.
Knowing and not knowing are both hard for the pregnant woman.... you just have to decide what is best for you. In your case, if I were you, I probably would not risk an amnio at this point because 1:170 is actually not that bad. It is a 0.005% that your baby has DS. The risk of an amnio is about 1% (possibly higher when you do it later because the baby is so big) So to me that wouldn't be worth it. But I do understand your desire to KNOW. Good Luck!
I also have a 22 month old DD and when I was in the 30th week with her, we found out that she had a small VSD (hole in the heart).... it turned out to not be a big deal at all but it was good for us to be prepared for it and also to
A friend of mine"s sister found out in the middle of the pregnancy that her daughter would be born with a clef lip. She was also glad to have found out while pregnant because they were able to inform themselves and monitor her and also speak to the doctor that would later be operating on her to correct her lip. I know that they were glad to know as well.
Knowing and not knowing are both hard for the pregnant woman.... you just have to decide what is best for you. In your case, if I were you, I probably would not risk an amnio at this point because 1:170 is actually not that bad. It is a 0.005% that your baby has DS. The risk of an amnio is about 1% (possibly higher when you do it later because the baby is so big) So to me that wouldn't be worth it. But I do understand your desire to KNOW. Good Luck!
blueeyedtabbycat~ Well.... the only thing you can have done is a fetal echo to see if baby has heart issues.. they can also do a Level 2 us to check out the digestive tract and kidneys.... if all is well there ARE NO special preperations for baby...
If baby has any problems with those organs, they can have a cardiologist or GE at the birth to examine the baby. :)
If there are no complications with baby before birth the only thing that an amnio would do is tell you yes or no. Since you already think of her as perfect.... then why do it?
If baby has any problems with those organs, they can have a cardiologist or GE at the birth to examine the baby. :)
If there are no complications with baby before birth the only thing that an amnio would do is tell you yes or no. Since you already think of her as perfect.... then why do it?
my this is a toughie! honey, this is your decision at the end of the day and no one can make it for you. you have to do what is right for you. sure, it'd be easier if dh wanted the same thing as you, but he's made it pretty clear he doesn't want you to have the amnio. i can see his point of view...what if you're one of that 1% that subsequently miscarries, why take the risk when we're keeping her either way etc etc but i can also see your side of things. if your baby has downs or any problems, you'd rather know before birth so you could prepare yourself for what's to come. personally, i'd rather know too. i don't advise doing the amnio without dh's knowledge. god forbid if something did go wrong it'd be a really tough situation. ithink youreally need to have a heart to heart with dh about this, explain your thoughts, feelings and wishes. Even if his view doesn't change, he'll understand your point of view. If you still want the amnio after you've talked it all through, tell him so and explain it's something you have to do to deal withthe situation best. offer not to tell him the results, whatever...jut be honest im and make sure he knows why you're doing whatever you decide to do. best of luck with this one, tabby.
Thanks, I guess in the end it doesnt reall matter. I have never thought about her anyway but perfect. I just dont want any surprise problems or complications at birth:-)
belueeyedtabbycat~ I'm coming to this post a bit late, but here's what I'd do.... I'd get the amnio, find out MYSELF..... and try my best not to tell DH. It's your body, YOUR the one who's pregnant....YOUR choice in the end.
Do what you feel you need to for peace of mind. Maybe your DH doesn't want to know because if he doesn't know he won't worry about it everyday.... KWIM?
Do what you feel you need to for peace of mind. Maybe your DH doesn't want to know because if he doesn't know he won't worry about it everyday.... KWIM?
Thank you ladies!! I have a while left before I need to do anything so I will have to think about it untill then. I really appricate everyones opinions. It has given me alot to think about. Thanks again:-)
when i was pregnant with my third i had an abnormal triple screen test and had the amino done even though my husband didnt really want me to. i did not care about the outcome i just wanted to know if i needed to prepare myself for a special needs child. i think you should go with your feelings and if you really want to know so you can be prepared for anything
I had an amnio done with my last pregnancy. They told me that my son wasn't measuring correctly with a few other problems. It was an easy decision to make for me. I was 23 wks and 4 days and in FL where I was at the time, you can legally abort your child up to 24 weeks. There was no way that I was going to let anything like that happen. I got the preliminary results back and he had a total clean bill. I was glad that I did it though. I needed to know so I could prepare myself for what was to come. Good Luck
I understand your husband's point of view. He may seem angry and stubborn but is probably unable to convery his STRONG sense of fear that the amnio could cause you or your baby to die. As irrational as that fear is, he's is very concerned for you both. And he's probably afraid of what the answer will be from the test.
DH wants me to get it done as soon as possible, because he 'knows we aren't ready for that'. My brother, who I practically raised, is almost 17 with downs.
The last u/s I had was after I declined the amnio. I never know what level they are, lol. I had a regular done along with a 3D/4D. and it took about 45 minutes. Everything looked great on baby. The only soft marker for DS was ecogenic bowel. Along with an abnormal triple screen test.
Thank you guys so much for your comments. I think im going to do my best to talk DH in to it. I still have a while to talk him into it. I am 24 weeks today so I have almost 10 weeks to deside. I want to know because I dont want anything to come up during delivery that the doctors or I are un prepared for. Im not really looking forward to the amnio but I do think I should just do it. I really should have never explained to DH what an amnio was and how they did it. He might not be against it if I hadnt, lol.
At 32 weeks I'd do it. Just incase something is wrong you could be more mentaly prepared and know what type of care the baby would need immediatly after birth.
Did your doctor offer you a more detailed ultrasound(s) after you initially declined the amniocentesis? There are several other DS markers that can be looked for this way.
honestly, I think I would do it.
My friend's baby was diagnosed (wrongly) with major problems. It was too late for an amnio. BUT, since they knew (thought) the baby had problems, they had a whole team of pediatric specialists on hand for her delivery in case the baby needed something. It's in God's hands, but knowledge is power.
I would also want to know because I would think that with some conditions, the baby might fare better with a c-section than going through labor.
when I first started coming on here, there was a lovely woman whose son has spina bifida. She encouraged testing because she said that there is a kind of mourning period you have to go through when your child has a diasbility. Yes, you love the child and cherish him/her, but you actually need time to mourn the idea of the perfect baby and accept the situation. I think going through this period in advance may help the birth of a child with a disability be less shocking and more of the joy it should be.
Anyways, I can understand both sides, and would understand why you chose not to, if you choose not to. I just wanted to share my thoughts on why I would want answers earlier.
Best of luck to you, and keep us updated.
My friend's baby was diagnosed (wrongly) with major problems. It was too late for an amnio. BUT, since they knew (thought) the baby had problems, they had a whole team of pediatric specialists on hand for her delivery in case the baby needed something. It's in God's hands, but knowledge is power.
I would also want to know because I would think that with some conditions, the baby might fare better with a c-section than going through labor.
when I first started coming on here, there was a lovely woman whose son has spina bifida. She encouraged testing because she said that there is a kind of mourning period you have to go through when your child has a diasbility. Yes, you love the child and cherish him/her, but you actually need time to mourn the idea of the perfect baby and accept the situation. I think going through this period in advance may help the birth of a child with a disability be less shocking and more of the joy it should be.
Anyways, I can understand both sides, and would understand why you chose not to, if you choose not to. I just wanted to share my thoughts on why I would want answers earlier.
Best of luck to you, and keep us updated.
Ok, I totally see both sides. I've never been in a situation like this, but I understand you want to know to prepare yourself, and your hubby doesn't want to take the risk. If it were my hubby telling me that, I would just go with him on it. Personally I am terrified of needles and you could only prepare yourself but so much, ya know? But this is honestly a choice you will have to make ultimately. I'm sorry you have to go through this. God won't give you more than you can handle. I would just prepare yourself now, either way. I'm sure she will be loved so much! =) I wish you the best dear!!
I am 30 years old and the only elevated risk I have is due to abnormal blood test and u/s. Baby has ecogenic bowel. Its a soft marker for Downs. My triple screen test came back 1:170 but with the abnormal u/s the results are much higher.
Are you at elevated risk? Are you over 35?
My take is: just be honest. This sounds like one of the many arguments in marriage where a compromise isn't an option. Someone is going to get their way.
If it's worth it to you to deal with the aftermath of a disappointed husband, then take the test. Realistically, he'll get over it eventually. At the same time: if he really doesn't want to know the results, respect his wishes and don't share the news.
If it were me, I wouldn't take the test. Especially if you're not any elevated risk and just enjoy the pregnancy. But, no one will judge you either way. I think we women tend to be pleasers to a fault; we bend over backwards to make everyone else happy above us. You're 50% of the relationship, so your thoughts matter and should be weighed alongside his is how I see it.
All the best to you!
My take is: just be honest. This sounds like one of the many arguments in marriage where a compromise isn't an option. Someone is going to get their way.
If it's worth it to you to deal with the aftermath of a disappointed husband, then take the test. Realistically, he'll get over it eventually. At the same time: if he really doesn't want to know the results, respect his wishes and don't share the news.
If it were me, I wouldn't take the test. Especially if you're not any elevated risk and just enjoy the pregnancy. But, no one will judge you either way. I think we women tend to be pleasers to a fault; we bend over backwards to make everyone else happy above us. You're 50% of the relationship, so your thoughts matter and should be weighed alongside his is how I see it.
All the best to you!
This is one of the original posts:
Ok so I posted a few weeks ago about my mid point ultrasound that was done at 17.5 weeks. Well baby girl has ecogenic bowel. I was told that it could be nothing and was advised to take a blood test to determine if baby has downs or cystic fibrosis. Well I took the test a few weeks ago and tried calling for the results and was told that only a doctor can give those to me:( Well since the doctor never called I had assumed that everything was fine. Well today I found out the had been trying to call for the last week and a half. My results were abnormal:( I broke down and started bawling to my doctor. The results were 1:170, but I was told they were really higher because of abnormal ultrasound. I know there is a chance that my baby is fine but in the back of my head I am fearing the worst. I have an appointment to talk with a genic conselor again to set up an amnio. I have always turned down those stupid blood test because I know that they can scare you when nothing is wrong. And now I take it and sure enough. I called my MIL after my appointment today to ask her to watch my kids while I go see the genic conselor on Monday and she asked what I was going to do if baby does have downs? I almost ripped her head off!! What am I going to do? Seriously!! I asked her what she would do and she said she didnt know because she has never been in that situation before. I wanted to kill when she said that it would be alot of work and hinted abortion!! I dont know how I will do it but I will have to because there is no way that I could ever abort!! I feel her move for goodness sakes!! Not that I could ever do it even if I werent so far along, I just dont belive in it. I just need some hope ladies. Has anyone ever had abnormal ultrasound and triple screen test and nothing be wrong???? I just feel that I had three perfect and healthy boys and now I get the girl that I have always wanted and look what happens?? Have I tempted fate one too many times????
I missed a few words....sorry. If it's NOT going to change........ if it turns out you didn't NEED to..... I hope that clarifies a little.
I personally would not do it. I would try to prepare myself mentally first and foremost. If it's going to change the outcome I wouldn't going through with the procedure. You will still love your precious baby either way and it will be a learning process when the little one arrives whether you know they have it or not. I would just try to prepare for it and if it turns out you didn't to......oh well. Just my opinion. Good luck!!
If it was me, I would go ahead and do it. but i would be super scared and def. would be my hubby there.....I dont know alot about DS and what or if extra care they need, but if she does i would want to know EVERYTHING about it and what extra care she maybe need, you know? I hope he changes his mine......
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