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Gender Disappointment
I just found out yesterday that I am having a Girl. Now today I cannot stop crying. I have always thought I would have a baby boy first and I was so sure this baby was a boy. I actually feel so sad and disappointed that I am having a girl. I feel horrible for feeling this way and know that I should just be happy to have a healthy baby especially since we stuggled to even conceive, but I cannot shake this disappointment. Everyone at work keeps asking me what I am having and it makes me start crying all over again.
My family are all girls, my mom had 3 girls, my sister has 2 girls, my cousins have girls, all my friends even have girls. I wanted to be the one to have a boy. All my family was sure I would have a boy too and now I actually don't even want to tell my family because I know they will be disappointed too.
Please don't tell me how lucky I am to even be pregnant when there are so many women who are trying unsuccessfully or that I am lucky my baby is healthy. I know how lucky I am, that is why I feel so horrible for feeling the way I do. I am actually scared my baby might even somehow sense my disappointment and I feel worse. I know I will love this baby with my whole heart but right now, I just don't know how to stop this sadness I am feeling.
Am I a horrible person or have any of you felt this way too? How were you able to get over it and be totally excited again like the day you found out you were pregnant?
My family are all girls, my mom had 3 girls, my sister has 2 girls, my cousins have girls, all my friends even have girls. I wanted to be the one to have a boy. All my family was sure I would have a boy too and now I actually don't even want to tell my family because I know they will be disappointed too.
Please don't tell me how lucky I am to even be pregnant when there are so many women who are trying unsuccessfully or that I am lucky my baby is healthy. I know how lucky I am, that is why I feel so horrible for feeling the way I do. I am actually scared my baby might even somehow sense my disappointment and I feel worse. I know I will love this baby with my whole heart but right now, I just don't know how to stop this sadness I am feeling.
Am I a horrible person or have any of you felt this way too? How were you able to get over it and be totally excited again like the day you found out you were pregnant?
When I found out my first child was a boy I admit I felt disappointment but held it in during the ultrasound. When my husband and I got to the car I started crying. I kept thinking they were wrong and looked up on the net the likelihood that they just were seeing the cord instead.
I had this idea in my head (from teaching so many wild boys lol) of what a boy was... and it scared the outta me :oD I'd worked with boys that thought they were professional wrestlers and wanted to clobber each other, boys that stomped on frogs and lizards (for fun), a boy that squeezed a baby chick so hard its insides came out, and mean bullying little boys... and was sure I couldn't handle that. My son is now 9 years old and let me say that he has been the sweetest, most loving person I could ever hope to know! And I really do look back on myself crying in my car and sometimes laugh at myself, sometimes feel so ashamed. But you shouldn't feel ashamed. I haven't read all of these comments, but I did read some kind of harsh ones on your journal. One thing I am a firm believer in is that all feelings are valid and need to be appreciated. You had been dreaming of something and have had a sudden change to that. It is OK for you to feel the way you do. I know you will love your daughter so very much. And someday might look back on this in the same way I do. (You are brave for reaching out, I kept my feelings hidden and they were only known to my husband at the time). I think that is the best thing about ultrasounds, is that we can learn what we are having, and get used ot the idea. I mean who wants to be disappointed at the baby's birth? This time around I am having, what is now my 2nd girl. Truthfully, I was kind of hoping it would be a boy at first because this will be my last and my DH's first (I am remarried). I had it in my head that he would want a son. I think perhaps I was right b/c he would call the baby a "he" for a while, even after a couple ultrasounds. But now I think he is thrilled! And I am super excited to give my DD a sister!
Good luck on the rest of your pregnancy! Let your feelings out and don't feel bad about them. When that tiny life is placed into your hands in the delivery room, everything will feel so right that you will instantly fall in love with her!
I had this idea in my head (from teaching so many wild boys lol) of what a boy was... and it scared the outta me :oD I'd worked with boys that thought they were professional wrestlers and wanted to clobber each other, boys that stomped on frogs and lizards (for fun), a boy that squeezed a baby chick so hard its insides came out, and mean bullying little boys... and was sure I couldn't handle that. My son is now 9 years old and let me say that he has been the sweetest, most loving person I could ever hope to know! And I really do look back on myself crying in my car and sometimes laugh at myself, sometimes feel so ashamed. But you shouldn't feel ashamed. I haven't read all of these comments, but I did read some kind of harsh ones on your journal. One thing I am a firm believer in is that all feelings are valid and need to be appreciated. You had been dreaming of something and have had a sudden change to that. It is OK for you to feel the way you do. I know you will love your daughter so very much. And someday might look back on this in the same way I do. (You are brave for reaching out, I kept my feelings hidden and they were only known to my husband at the time). I think that is the best thing about ultrasounds, is that we can learn what we are having, and get used ot the idea. I mean who wants to be disappointed at the baby's birth? This time around I am having, what is now my 2nd girl. Truthfully, I was kind of hoping it would be a boy at first because this will be my last and my DH's first (I am remarried). I had it in my head that he would want a son. I think perhaps I was right b/c he would call the baby a "he" for a while, even after a couple ultrasounds. But now I think he is thrilled! And I am super excited to give my DD a sister!
Good luck on the rest of your pregnancy! Let your feelings out and don't feel bad about them. When that tiny life is placed into your hands in the delivery room, everything will feel so right that you will instantly fall in love with her!
Even before I conceived both DH and I wanted a girl. He wanted his "Daddy's little girl" and I wanted a little girl to dress her up and do "mommy and daughter stuff" with her and so on.
Then we found out we were having a boy and we both were teeny bit dissapointed.
But every thing changed when we first saw him on the 3D ultrasound we both fell in love with him immediately.
And the second we saw him it was love at first sight for both DH and I. Infact.. DH says he fell in love with our son when he saw a little bit of hair on his head through the birth canal even before he was born.
Our son turned 6months y'day and just a little while ago DH and I was talking how great it is that the baby was a boy.
I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way..and when the baby continues to grow in you and when you hold her in your arms for the first time you will fall in love with her.
Wish you a healthy and a happy pregnancy!!
Then we found out we were having a boy and we both were teeny bit dissapointed.
But every thing changed when we first saw him on the 3D ultrasound we both fell in love with him immediately.
And the second we saw him it was love at first sight for both DH and I. Infact.. DH says he fell in love with our son when he saw a little bit of hair on his head through the birth canal even before he was born.
Our son turned 6months y'day and just a little while ago DH and I was talking how great it is that the baby was a boy.
I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way..and when the baby continues to grow in you and when you hold her in your arms for the first time you will fall in love with her.
Wish you a healthy and a happy pregnancy!!
I am so glad I am not the only mom who thinks about this. I am currently 17 weeks and a few days and have my u/s on the 15th. I have an amazing 17 month old daughter who we absolutely love and adore to bits. Thing is we both kinda want this to be a boy, I feel guilty thinking about it. I think about it all the time! daily. I dont want to cry and be disappointed if its another girl, and it has nothing to do with my dd she is a great little girl and was an easy baby, I just want a boy. We are 80% sure we are done after this 2nd baby so just hoping we get....see I feel guilty saying it, just in case its not a boy. LIke you said too I dont want the baby to feel my disappointment.....
thanks for the post, although I dont have words of encouragement other than I know you will fall deeply in love with your little girl it helped me to know I am not the only one having these feelings. Its obviously normal.
thanks for the post, although I dont have words of encouragement other than I know you will fall deeply in love with your little girl it helped me to know I am not the only one having these feelings. Its obviously normal.
I thought I was going to be having another girl when I got pregnant the second time and I was totally into that..when I found out it was a boy my heart dropped....and even until i held him in my arms I was apprehensive about having a son....but OMG my little boy is my momma's boy now and I wouldn't trade him for ANYTHING!!! i love having one of each...they're both amazing in different ways :)
trust me your little girl will steal your heart...as funny as it sounds, when I was pregnant the FIRST time, I wanted a boy soo bad that I was disappointed when I found out I was having a girl...felt like I was letting my husband down...but turns out he wanted a girl! she's the light of my life now too.
trust me your little girl will steal your heart...as funny as it sounds, when I was pregnant the FIRST time, I wanted a boy soo bad that I was disappointed when I found out I was having a girl...felt like I was letting my husband down...but turns out he wanted a girl! she's the light of my life now too.
It's nice to hear so many women have felt this way. My story is a little different but the feelings are the same. I wasn't disappointed at all when my daughter was born a girl, I was ELATED! But we didn't know the gender before the birth so I had spent the whole pregnancy dreaming about my possible boy AND my possible girl. I had a boy and a girl name picked out. I had all these hopes and dreams and images in my head for a boy, and the same for a girl. I couldn't wait to meet the baby... and I was so thrilled to meet my baby GIRL! I couldn't believe how in love with her I was. But for the first few days I also struggled with intense guilt because although I was SO in love with my baby girl, I was feeling something like grief over the boy I didn't have. I know I would have felt the same if I'd had a boy. It all came down to the fact that I had created these images in my head of a life with "each" gender and obviously in the end there would only be ONE, and one of those dreams wasn't a reality. I know that sounds bizarre but I really struggled with the grief, and then the guilt over the grief, about the boy I never had. Now I sound like a crazy so I'll stop (lol!) but I guess what I'm trying to say is, I know how you feel and you're not alone! haha. Everybody is right, you get past it and you couldn't love your baby any more once you meet her :-)
With my middle daughter I wanted a boy so bad, I was disappointed, but I got over it and I love her just as much as my other kids. This last time I thought for sure I was having another boy and really wanted another boy. But she was a girl...after a little initial disappointment I became very excited about having another girl. She is now 8 weeks old and I wouldn't change her for anything.
I am so afraid that I am going to feel that way when I find out what this baby is (I am 8 1/2 weeks pregnant). I have a 10 month old son and I keep thinking this time it will be a girl and I am so afraid that if it's a boy, I will be upset. I always thought I'd have 2 boys and then a girl, so I don't know why now I really want a girl, probably irrational pregnancy hormones. I agree with the other ladies..once you see your baby, or maybe sooner, you'll forget all about wanting a boy. Best wishes to you! :-)
My friend had this. She was hoping for a girl and had herself convinced she was. She had even gone out and gotten girl things because she was SO sure it was going to be a girl. Then her ultrasound showed she was having a boy.After she found out she hated everyone having a girl (myself included) but after a few weeks it changed and now she's super excited to have her son and wouldn't change it for anything. Don't worry. It'll pass. :)
Thank you all for sharing your stories. It helps to know that other moms have felt this way too and that it is short lived. I know when I see my little girl everything will change, I think it is just going to take some time for me to get used to the idea. I think I honestly made myself believe that I was having a boy and the shock of a girl was just too much. I even kept thinking maybe the U/S tech is wrong and I should get a second opinion. I just knew I was having a boy so I didn't even think a girl was a possibility, as crazy as that sounds.
I will cheer up soon, I know I will. I think my hormones are not helping the situation. I do thank you all though, it really helps a lot.
I will cheer up soon, I know I will. I think my hormones are not helping the situation. I do thank you all though, it really helps a lot.
My cousin it was the same thing, she wanted a boy so bad and had a girl. She was so disappointed and cried too. And was disappointed until she laid eyes on her little one and now she can't imagine it any other way.
It's hard when we have certain expectations or hopes and wishes and they things are different
It's hard when we have certain expectations or hopes and wishes and they things are different
Lol isnt it though!!! like at this very moment when Cole is supposed to be taking a nap, i look down at him in his bouncy and hes chewing on his fingers and I say "arnt u supposed to be sleeping" and he just smiles and starts laughing at me!!! i love that feeling!!!
Lisa: did your son develop that stuff or was he born with it?
Lisa: did your son develop that stuff or was he born with it?
ammanda, i just read your post and we have hd pretty much the exact same experience! Funny stuff, and here i am sitting with fynn, he is staring right at me and i wouldnt change him for anything! i even told DB that i am so happy we had a boy cuz i couldnt imagine having any other baby!!!
crazy how things change as soon as they are here!!!
crazy how things change as soon as they are here!!!
I felt this EXACT same way when I found out I was having a boy. I wanted a girl and got a boy. I was so mad and disappointed. I hated everyone who I hear has a girl or was having a girl. I didn't want another boy due to my last son. He was an extremely difficult baby. Constantly wanted to be held, horrible crier, etc. He is 15 now, is a special needs child, developmentally disabled, has ADHD/Bipolar, etc. I love my son but it's been an emotional disaster from the start. My first child was a girl and she is 19. She was the easiest baby in the world. Never cried unless hungry or pooped. She was developmentally ahead of her time. Learned to walk at 9 mos. Now you get an idea of why I didn't want a boy.
So far, my son, who is now 3 1/2 mos old, is doing alright. He cries alot but he's not that difficult of a baby.. not nearly like my 1st son. Later on during the pregnancy, I came to terms I was having a boy. I was just glad he was healthy.
You will get over what you're feeling i'm sure, as I have done. So I know how you're feeling as I have been there. Good Luck
Lisa
So far, my son, who is now 3 1/2 mos old, is doing alright. He cries alot but he's not that difficult of a baby.. not nearly like my 1st son. Later on during the pregnancy, I came to terms I was having a boy. I was just glad he was healthy.
You will get over what you're feeling i'm sure, as I have done. So I know how you're feeling as I have been there. Good Luck
Lisa
When i first got pregnant everyone even mysel convinced me that i was having a girl. and I wanted a girl so bad. I wanted to do the hair and buy the cute pink clothes and talk about relationships with her. Then at my 20 week u/s I found out i was having a boy... at first i was kinda upset and shocked cause i was so convinced. and the one who said if you convince yourself and believe it enought then thats what you will expect and its a huge shock when u dont get what you expected.
I can tell you one thing for sure, My son is now 6 months old, and the most precious thing in the world to me, i wouldnt trade him for any lil girl. He is the most amazing thing in the world!!! and I felt that way the first time i felt him move, and took time to let in sink in that I was having a son.. then I was like "wow I am having a son" and Im soo happy! I may not get to dress him up or do his nails or or his hair. but he will always be a mommas boy!!!
when you see your daughter everything will change. and you will get to play dress up, and all that fun stuff. I have the most precious niece in the world!!!! And i love playing with her.
I can tell you one thing for sure, My son is now 6 months old, and the most precious thing in the world to me, i wouldnt trade him for any lil girl. He is the most amazing thing in the world!!! and I felt that way the first time i felt him move, and took time to let in sink in that I was having a son.. then I was like "wow I am having a son" and Im soo happy! I may not get to dress him up or do his nails or or his hair. but he will always be a mommas boy!!!
when you see your daughter everything will change. and you will get to play dress up, and all that fun stuff. I have the most precious niece in the world!!!! And i love playing with her.
Just give it time... You will feel better.... I wanted a girl so bad this pregnancy cause I already have 2 boys and I thought I was going to upset and mad if it was a boy but when I found out at 17 weeks that it's a boy I was fine I was happy and I never felt upset at all..... I was surprised.... Go baby girl shopping that might lift your spirits....
I hate to admit this but when we first found out that the twins were girls I was bummed and so was DF. I have always wanted a boy and having twins I thought I would atleast get ONE boy. Well, not a chance - they are both girls. My family is also ALL girls and when I told my grandparents the gender they said "More girls?" :( It took a few weeks for myself and DF to get out of our funk but we are now super excited to have two baby girls. His family is all boys so his side of the family is beyond thrilled. Some even cried when they found out because they were so happy they were finally getting girls. You have to tell yourself that it was meant to be this way. And once they are here you wont want to change it for the world. Congrats on your pregnancy!
I think it's normal to get that disappointment! I know someone that wanted another girl and ended up having a boy and was a little let down at first but she's over the moon for him now.
I think hormones don't really play a good part in how you're feeling. Could be the initial shock of it all....when you think about it, since there's so many women in your family, your little girl will have plenty of support and women to look up to!
Maybe the next one will be a boy! :)
I think hormones don't really play a good part in how you're feeling. Could be the initial shock of it all....when you think about it, since there's so many women in your family, your little girl will have plenty of support and women to look up to!
Maybe the next one will be a boy! :)
My first was a girl and so for my second I was so hoping it would be a boy. I ended up getting another daughter and I was so upset. After a while though you get over it and now I can't imagine my life any other way.
It's normal to feel the way you do. I felt the same way with my first, so sure it was a boy that I cried at the u/s when they said "girl". Then of course I felt horrible about crying, but in the end, I was delighted with my baby girl and I'm sure you will be, too.
awww. its hormones! You are touchy. I'm sure the first seccond you see that baby you aren't gonna think of it again!
i think that no matter how you are feeling now, when you see your daughter for the first time and hear her cry you will have a complete change of heart.
i wanted a girl sooooo bad and found out i was having a boy.....everyone thought i was going to have a girl, my mom was convinced. i just kept reeating im having a son over and over, shoppd for boy clothes and as soon as i saw him, any thoughts about having a girl left my mind.
i think when you psych yourself up for something and find out its not happening its normal to feel some sadness or disappointment but i really think things will change throughout the rest of your pregnancy.....
just remember to try and enjoy yourself...those 9 months go by fast and you wouldnt want to regret being so sad uring such a special time, especially if this were to be your only pregnancy!
i wanted a girl sooooo bad and found out i was having a boy.....everyone thought i was going to have a girl, my mom was convinced. i just kept reeating im having a son over and over, shoppd for boy clothes and as soon as i saw him, any thoughts about having a girl left my mind.
i think when you psych yourself up for something and find out its not happening its normal to feel some sadness or disappointment but i really think things will change throughout the rest of your pregnancy.....
just remember to try and enjoy yourself...those 9 months go by fast and you wouldnt want to regret being so sad uring such a special time, especially if this were to be your only pregnancy!
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