Going from one child to two - what's your experience?

Question

As my due date approaches, I have to admit that I'm getting more and more nervous about the adjustment of going from one child to two.  I've heard that going from none to one is hard (and have experienced that first hand), and that going from one to two is difficult.  Women at work who have more than two kids said that anything over two is a "piece of cake".

Any experiences to relate?

Quinns momma · Answer

So glad u asked this question. I am almost 30 weeks with baby #2 who will be joining his 3 year old sister.   I have been very worried about how I will transition to caring for 2. :)

LosingMyMindInGA · Answer

I think the adjustment really has a lot to do with the age difference in the children and how well you prepare the first child for the new one. In my case my oldest was 7 and was able to help. She was also very mature for her age and would entertain herself for hours and pretty much take care of her own needs....including getting herself up and ready and out the door for school. So for me it was a breeze...except for the fact that Abby (my 2nd) almost NEVER slept and I got so sleep deprived I was physically ill. I think transitioning to a third child was a little more difficult becuase my youngest at the time was only 14 months old when the 3rd came along. My 14 mos old was also a VERY strong willed child...things had to be her way or all h-e-ll broke loose. By the time it came to transitioning to a fourth child....my others were 12, 5, and 4. It was a pretty smooth transition once I got back into the swing of having a baby around.

JoyRenee · Answer

I was worried how my 2-year-old would do because she's been super needy and clingy. There was no need to worry. She's no jealous of baby nor mean to baby. She doesn't do things to get special attention but I also try to give her special attention. My oldest is at school all day but when she is home she is just all over baby, holding her, helping me, etc. so I wasn't worried about her.

Your son will do great! Kids are awesome at adjusting to big life changes.

Sarah1013 · Answer

kjbutcher's answer is head on. In the beginning it is hard to juggle two kids when you go places. I was scared to go anywhere by myself for a while but practice and finding a way that works for you will make that easier.

And I think shes also right about how going from none to one is harder than having more than one.

kjbutcher · Answer

I am 3.5 weeks into having two kids and I have to say it is much easier than I thought!!!  All of the things that freaked you out at the beginning like "what if he cries while we are in the store?  how will I fix it?"  or "will I ever sleep again?" arent really concerns as much this time.  I guess what I am trying to say is none to one is the huge change just trying to get the experience, but this time around you have the main experience and it is really just the change of getting to know your particular baby and juggling, but being women and used to juggling EVERTHING, so it comes quick.  the one thing that is hard and I am not used to yet is going out with two kids alone.  Like how do I put both kids in the cart and still  have room for the groceries?  I am sure I will figure it out soon!

not sure how old your kids are but you will appreciate your newborn much more this time around!!  When my first DS was born I thought it was difficut.  He is 27 months now and as hard as I thought he was as a newborn, he is so much harder to deal with now.  my new DS is so much easier to take places not trying to keep him in line or from killing himself every other minute.  

I, like you, was totally scared of this and all of the big fears that hit me when I had DS started to come again before I had DS2, but truely it was much easier than I ever imagined!

good luck to all of you guys!

Sarah1013 · Answer

I think it just grows on you. In the beginning it was a little hard adjusting, but after a couple of weeks it just became natural and now its almost hard to mgaine what its like with just one.

martikadragoon · Answer

Lemonada thanks for posting this! I was curious about it too since my duedate is approaching quickly on #2

Limonada · Answer

Thanks for the reassurance and for sharing your experiences, ladies - I really appreciate it.  I'm a fairly organized person by nature, so I'm hoping I can cope fine with two if, as you said, Joy, I'm one step ahead of the game.  My son (he's 3) has become very "Mommy, Mommy" lately - went through a phase where all he wanted was Daddy, but that seems to be over now - so I'm not sure how that will work, when I can't pay as much attention to him. 

Oh well......so many people do it - and survive!  ;-)

JoyRenee · Answer

Crystalrt- we just went from 2 to 3 and I was soooooo nervous! It hasn't been difficult at all. And you're right, when they are newborns it is much easier than when a child becomes mobile. By that time, though, you know your child's temperament and know how to handle things.

tiredbuthappy · Answer

depends, i think, on the baby. 
My second little blessing is colicky. Made the first seem like a piece of cake. The past 3 months have been the most challenging in my life- physically, mentally, and emotionally. But i see my friends with calm babies having an easier time than me. 

I think having a third (if i do) will be easier because I won't feel guilty having my toddler playing alone all day. The older 2 can play together.

Crystalrt · Answer

I found when my second was a little baby it was easy cos they sleep most of the time and can't crawl out of sight :) When they get older I think it gets a little harder but not unbearable. I'm scared cos I'm pregnant with my 3rd and think it's going to be hard. 3 babies under 3 1/2 :)

JoyRenee · Answer

I actually thought it was amazingly easier than when we had our first. Our daughter knew what to expect so there were no surprises. You have to be two steps ahead of schedule. For example if baby is going to be hungry right at lunchtime then I get my daughter's lunch prepared right before baby is going to be ready to nurse. I always make sure my daughter has what she needs (drink, snack, a short video, etc.) before I put 100% attention into feeding/changing/bathing baby.

So it really isn't hard. It's just figuring out a balance and that in itself is not difficult at all.

blueeyedtabbycat · Answer

I guess in the begining it was just hard to juggle both. Giving both equal attention without going crazy, lol. Then with the 3 and 4th well as your friend said "its a piece of cake" lol. Going from one to two is all about trying to take care of both childrens needs at once. You learn what takes prioritiy. Now that I have four children I have started propping the bottle every now and then. Thats something I hate and never had to do before but now it seems like everyone needs me at once and I only have two hands lol!
You will do fine. Never feel bad about asking for help or taking it when offered:-) Oh and try and sleep when the kids do,if they take naps at the same time that is:-)